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GabrielsLamb's avatar

Have you ever compromised your own happiness to make someone else happy?

Asked by GabrielsLamb (6146 points ) October 2nd, 2011

Have you ever, or were you ever willing to compromise or give up certain aspects of your own happiness if when providing that portion of your own to another person, you made their life somehow better for giving it?

My mother used to tell me “It is better for you to have someone love you more, than for you to love them more.”

I think that happens sometimes naturally in some relationships where there is a sacrifice aspect to a certain extent.

Have you ever loved someone because you knew that you could help them, or better their life and in doing so, that made you happy as well?

Sometimes, we are supposed to love this way…Not everything is always about us, our needs, and our wants, and sometimes, it should be a source of joy, to know that you loved someone else to better their life.

What is your take on this belief? I know there are contrasting opinions to a severe extreme. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said. “Sure I love you, but it’s you or me, and I pick me.”

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39 Answers

Tbag's avatar

Yes. I give up on the things I love at certain times because she hates them! For example, she loves to watch the kardashians and I can’t even stand that show to be honest. She usually asks me to watch it with her and I never say no because I love her. A stupid example but gives you an idea I suppose. You know, happiness is a choice.. It’s all about perspectives. The way I see it, if she’s happy? Hell I’m happy!

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Tbag That’s because your momma raised you right honey!

Tbag's avatar

@GabrielsLamb You’re on my side. My momma and your momma rock.

Male's avatar

It depends on the person and my overall mood. But to answer your question, yes, I’ve compromised my own happiness plenty of times just for someone else. How often? Less often than more.

YARNLADY's avatar

I have given up many things I would like to have to help other members of my family. This is not compromising, because it makes me happy to do so.

noodle_poodle's avatar

allll the time. I like it when people are happy and I am miserable when they are sad so in a way their happiness is also mine.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

Oh yes. I sacrifice a lot of my own happiness for my young children (e.g., spending a lot of my free time with them and taking them places on the weekend, instead of going swimming or doing my hobbies). Sometimes I’m really tired and just want to relax by myself in front of the t.v., but when I hear them say “Daddy, can we go to the mall today, I want ice cream, I want to go to Build-a-Bear”, I pick myself up off the couch and take them.

But that’s my job, right? ;)

janbb's avatar

Sure – I’m a mother.

woodcutter's avatar

Sometimes I will grin and bare and watch American Idol with Mumma. Or go out walking with the dogs when I’m not that into it that day.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Truthfully, no. I am too selfish in that I want to be loved genuinely just for me and not due to responsibility, gratitude, deference, or settling.

There was a relationship that changed to where it felt like I was loving the other person more than they loved me but that they needed me so much and I felt afraid of what they’d become if I left. It ended anyway and they were just fine. After that I decided I’d put love before fear and it’s worked out nicely.

thesparrow's avatar

Lol! My mom says the exact same thing!

Women give up a lot when they become mothers, but that’s different than sacrifice in a relationship. But should you really compromise yourself to such a great extent in a relationship? I think compromise is a very big part of it, and you shouldn’t only think about your needs, but you should be wary if you feel you are being used or taken for granted

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Everyone… I was more talking about relationships. I think kids are a given.

smilingheart1's avatar

In a climate of genuine love, the synergistic capability is very high indeed and you can’t help but be enriched yourself by making healthy considerations and sacrifices (there’s a rare word these days) for the good of the other and the relationship.

filmfann's avatar

Certainly. Married people who don’t compromise on such issues end up divorced. My wife chose our retirement home in an area she knew would make me happy, though she really want to move 2000 miles away to be close to her family. I compromise constantly on a never ending futile quest to make her happy.
That is what real love is.

tranquilsea's avatar

I guess the biggest thing I’ve/we’ve done recently is we’ve taken in my head injured sister who can’t live on her own. She was living with my mother but my mother died.

Her impact on our family has been enormous. We have lots of help now but the last three years have been hellish at times.

We do this because we love her.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve tried to think of something that isn’t so negative of an entire relationship. If you’re asking what sacrifices people make in positive and loving relationships then I think most people do that.

cookieman's avatar

Yes. I’m married and a father. It’s in the contract.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@cprevite You understand too, don’t ya? hehe. ;)

cookieman's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES: Yup. ::club handshake::

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Sacrifices people in love make for each other:

His beloved dog isn’t allowed in our bedroom because I don’t like the shed or the smells.

I picked a house close to his work and nearby his kids’ old friends even though it’s triple far for me to get to work.

Londongirl's avatar

I would do that for someone I truly love but I do expect he does the same to me. I do that also to my family too.

Symbeline's avatar

Yes, but I do it for myself, rather than looking out for their well being. My roommate is an emotional wreck and a pain in the ass, and I must tread carefully if I don’t want to be bombarded by her conceit and crazy ass mood swings. It’s ruining my quality of life, and I foresee her gettin the hell out of here pretty soon.

That has nothing to do with your details, but it’s still a somewhat related answer lol.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Symbeline Did you know that is EXACTLY what this song is about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfdAGkjHGac&ob=av2e

Like verbatum… I think a lot of people go through that?

Good luck!

woodcutter's avatar

@Symbeline What are you planning?

Symbeline's avatar

Planning to move to MontrĂ©al, it’s where I both go to school AND work, anyway. Been planning it for a while, but as of the current time, I don’t see much holding me back now. She’s not gonna follow, that’s for sure, but even if she wanted to, I’d make it clear that I’m moving on my own. Imma get through this semester and then try to get the move going during the holidays. Prolly gonna be a pain in the ass, but it’s gonna have to happen lol, and not just because of her.

King_Pariah's avatar

If you love them then let them go. Story of my life, but I get some happiness out of seeing them happier and better off.

JustJessica's avatar

Everyday, I’m a mother. I wouldn’t have it any other way though.

perspicacious's avatar

I raised two children alone; what do you think?

Would I change it? No.

thesparrow's avatar

@filmfann Yes, women always like to be close to their families.

snowberry's avatar

I used to do it a lot. Now that I’ve stopped allowing people to abuse me, it’s fallen right off.

thesparrow's avatar

I think I compromised my happiness by giving my bf an extra year before he goes to grad school. It doesn’t fit into my life plan to delay it so much, and yet I am still with him, and not with someone else who could have already had an established career. I am almost done school and yet I made this concession. I hate myself for it because I am in love, and that’s what people who love each other do. It sucks.

janbb's avatar

@thesparrow Just wondering – was the year yours to give?

thesparrow's avatar

@janbb Yes. I own the years. They’re all in my drawer in a little jar labelled ‘years.’ I give them out according to merit.

janbb's avatar

@thesparrow So that’s where mine went! Can you toss a few my way? :-)

thesparrow's avatar

I sure can. You seem like you deserve a year or two. Can I put you down on the list? 2013 and 2014 are free, but I’d need to write you in.

thesparrow's avatar

I also dish out decades, but they cost more because they take long to maintain.

janbb's avatar

@thesparrow I suspect I’ll be looking for one of those in a few years.

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