Social Question

GabrielsLamb's avatar

Do you think that people are happier with you as a person if you can agree with them?

Asked by GabrielsLamb (6151 points ) October 4th, 2011

This is especially for those people who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder and or are being treated with some form of medication.

Think back to a time before your diagnosis when you were having whatever problem in life that you have since attributed to your mental illness.

In thinking about before and after, do you feel that people leave you alone, and kind of allow you to live les their opinions and intrusions and opinions even AFTER you agreed to agree with them and say that you too believed yourself to be sick, or in some way ill?

Honestly… What are your thoughts?

If you do not feel that you have any kind of mental illness or disorder, have you ever felt better about being around a person that you felt was ill after they admitted it and agreed to agree with you?

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17 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I have been diagnosed with a panic issue and every once in a while with severe depression. I think I always had problems with people one way or another…I don’t get the rest of your details. I think some people are happier if you always agree with them but true friends or lovers don’t expect you to always agree with them. I think you can disagree with many people but as long as their basic goals in life are similar to yours and neither of you are prone to being manipulative assholes, then it’s fine.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Basically in that long drawn out over winded way of mine *Sorry LOL

What I mean to ask is; now that you have AGREED that you are in some way effected by some ailment that justifies behavior, are people happier with you as a person?

Even if all the same problems exist, even if all the same symptoms are present…

See what Im trying to say? It’s like a psychosomatic kind of thing… smoke screen, when you conform to another persons opinion of normal and abnormal they tend to accept you better.

If you say that you are okay, or everyone is in some way effected in one way or another, it seems to me that people tend to fight you into acceptance of their beliefs in your issues.

and it pisses me off sometimes…

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Do you mean to ask if my hypothetical son is diagnosed with ADHD that people are happier with his behaviors than when he was assumed to be a hyper and overly dramatic needful spoiled brat?

I asked it that way because I once dated/lived with a man who was ADHD. Before his diagnosis then he was often considered mildly retarded and a real pest to his family. After his diagnosis they still regarded him as mildly retarded but would excuse under the guise of acceptance any inappropriate or truly lackluster behaviors because of his “condition”.

Personally, I don’t think anyone with a “disorder” wants to be paid lip service to.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@GabrielsLamb I try to avoid thinking of it in terms of unjustified behavior, you know? There are certain times when I can get stressed out more easily but I never use that as an excuse for acting like an ass to people ( I can do that all by myself ~) I don’t think people are happier but they’re more understanding. I suppose, yes, they’re understanding based on what they deem as an ‘acceptable’ explanation since people believe that mental disorder is something one can’t help…though that is true often…many people don’t conduct introspective experiments, so to speak, to tease out why they act the way they do and what proportion is due to their illness.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Exactly… Once you agree, and conform, to a title, a name, a disease and you say THIS IS MY DISEASE and I agree with you, I am sick. Then people tend to treat you like a human being.

*It sucks.

And I feel that they sometimes bully you when you disagree too.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir @ ” I can do that all by myself ” That’s kinda histerical and also kinda my point.

You have a mouth, and you use it… not all people do that. Not all people are allowed to do that.

I see you standing up for yourself all over the place, you don’t feel that some people attempt to lead the crowd on your behalf as an opinion that might better suit THEIR take on who and what they feel you are BECAUSE you can be deemed “Difficult” *Which I think is awesome by the way… ♥ It’s almost like you have to have another alterior motive for defending yourself sometimes in order for it to be deemed acceptible and I find it weird.

It’s like if you fight to stand up for yourself sometimes people have to kick harder until you agree to say “Okay, you’re riiight, I’m nuts thanks for helping me out.” LOL

Screw that! I think everyone is a bit nutty to a certain extent. Some people are just better at hiding it.

filmfann's avatar

Q: Do you think that people are happier with you as a person if you can agree with them?

A: I agree.

It’s okay if you want to give me lurve for that.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

Lurve granted… because funny people, are my favorite kind of people. Not because you agreed with me, it had nothing to do with that I swear! LOL

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Yes, people are much happier if they are agreed with…it is validation that they are right.

What I’ve learned in life is that while I appreicate knowing that my thoughts and/or feelings are agreed upon, there is also value in having people with different perspectives gently challenge my stance. Openly listening to another’s side is an invaluable education process. It’s not only amazing how grey life is, but how often I learn how little I know.

May more people become candidly open on their perspectives without putting others on the defense. Most of us still have much to learn.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

My standing up for myself isn’t what happens when I run my mouth, so to speak. I stand up to explain what I think is important to explain, to voice and it’s rarely for my personal gain. All of us are allowed to do that and I welcome any rebuttal, as you know. Sometimes things get a little too personal and I need to take a break but I don’t express myself in the way that I do because I want people to agree with me, only. Surely, I do want to tell people something they may not understand they’re missing when they’re making up their opinions on the subject, but it’s not about being liked or having them be happier if they agree with me or get me to agree with them. I’m still not understanding some of what you’re saying, though.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir That’s the story of my life right there! Well it’s specifically related to diagnosis if that helps… People like to diagnose others sometimes, and in the event, it makes it hard NOT to attempt to defend yourself. But I have found that some people seem to be left alone when they agree they are ill.

Something like that? I have some weird social issues that make me a bit difficult to deal with at times, and I find myself getting chalked up easily and it sucks.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@GabrielsLamb I don’t see myself as ill. I don’t think others here remember that I have a panic disorder or depression. I don’t really think either of those disorders affect me on Fluther. If I’m panicking or depressed, I’m not on Fluther, do you see?

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Just for the record… I don’t see you as ill either. I think you’re pretty neat actually. LOL

And yeah, I do see what you mean. *Not just to agree with you either… LOL

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@GabrielsLamb Well, there’s nothing wrong with being ill or with being seen as ill, just that I don’t think anyone sees me as ill or that I don’t see myself as ill either. Maybe I should.

GracieT's avatar

I don’t know if people know anything about what to expect from me. I’m bipolar, but I also have a very strong sense of self. People around me know if I’m honestly agreeing with them or just trying to smooth it over and placate them. In fact, I self diagnosed myself before a doctor did, and several people told me “well, that makes sense.”

snowberry's avatar

Things go much better on Fluther if you agree with the majority on any particular subject. Just sayin’.

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