Tips and "How-To" for Evaluating a Potential New Roommate?

My experience is such that you only get know someone after living with them for a while.

The issue with him getting annoyed that this landlord isn’t returning a phone could be from a multitude of different circumstances. I don’t know that I would let something like that make my mind up.

Is there any way you can spend more time with him before you commit to this? That might make you feel better.

Before you agree to move in with either one of these fellows, even if one of them is a good, close friend, you should draw up a long list of questions and discuss them openly and completely with both of them. That way you will not only get a pretty good idea of each other’s expectations, you might get to find out if anyone has any “attitude” problems, simply because they are being asked to answer questions. The questions, can also serve as a contract, which should be signed by all parties before signing the lease on the apartment. I’ll try to list some examples of questions to ask:

Who’s name will be on the lease (only yours, just you and your good friend, or all 3 of you)?

How will the rent be collected? Will the others pay cash to one of you that will be sending the check? Will each of you send separate checks? Will cash ever be given to the landlord, instead of an actual check?

How will you keep records for who paid what amount of rent on what date?

What will be the consequences of one person failing to pay their rent on time?

How will you divide up expenses for groceries, cleaning supplies, toilet paper etc?

How will all 3 of you handle the other people’s overnight guests? Are only friends and relatives allowed? Are sexual partners allowed? Are any guests with pets allowed? How long are any of the allowed guests allowed to stay? Will the guests be responsible for contributing towards any household expenses (especially if they stay over night often)?

Should any guests be relagated only to each of your bedrooms (especially if it’s a sexual partner) or will certain guests be allowed in the common areas of the apartment, and under what circumstances?

What will be your policy regarding unwanted noise (from sexual encounters, to stereos, to TV’s to loud conversations late at night, to noise while one of you needs to study or sleep)?

Will you be dividing up the household chores (cleaning the common areas, kitchen, bathroom, living room) as well as your own rooms? Who does what, and how often and to what degree of tidiness. Note: Neatniks don’t do well with slobs.

Will you be dividing up the shopping for and paying for groceries or will each of you buy your own food, and store it separately (both in the fridge and in the pantry)? Will you be keeping records of who pays for what? Will you keep receipts for record keeping purposes?

What degree of cleanliness is expected of each of you? Is it OK to eat on the couch or anywhere else besides the dining room table or kitchen bar? How long is it OK for anyone to leave their personal possessions in the common areas (bathroom, kitchen, living room, porch)?

Who decides on who gets the biggest bedroom? Does that person pay more rent than the other two?

If someone needs to move out and break the lease, how will that be handled? Will the person leaving be responsible for finding a new room mate to move in or will the remaining two people just pay more rent?

Will you three fellows be sharing a land line telephone? If so, how will that phone bill be paid and by whom? Who’s name will be on the account?

Will you all be sharing some type of cable for your computers and televisions? If so, how will that bill be divided up and who will be the one paying for it, and who’s name will be on the account?

If you encounter problems (major or minor) with the apartment, how will those situations be handled? Will one of you document the problem and contact the landlord? If you don’t figure this out before you move in together, you are likely to have big problems, if you can’t come to an agreement ahead of time. Note: some people are very shy and timid about “hassling” the landlord, others expect the landlord to show up at the snap of a finger, and others take the time to document the problem (with photos and time and date and description of the problem) and calmly speak to the landlord before taking other legal options.

If one of you breaks an item belonging to another fellow, how will that situation be remedied?

In the common room, how will you guys decide upon what TV shows will be watched, and how often one person can be in control of the TV or stereo? Who does the TV and the stereo belong to? Is that person willing to let the others use those items?

Who does any or all of the furniture belong to? What is the remedy for damage done to big furniture items, such as the couch and chairs and dining room table? Will each of you pay for replacements evenly, or will the person who did the damage pay for the whole replacement, or will the 2 people who do not own the damaged item, pay for it’s repair or replacement?

Do any of you think it’s OK to lend the other 2 fellows money? If you do, how will that re-payment schedule and documentation be handled?

Who buys notions and incidentals like foil, ziplock bags, tape, scissors, trash bags, sewing kits, tool kits (hammer, screwdrivers, pliers, crescent wrench, tape measure etc.) light bulbs, brooms, vacuum cleaner, bandaids, paper towels, tupperware etc.?

If there is a closet in the common area, or a storage closet in the garage or on the patio, who’s items get to be stored there? Will anybody be storing bikes in a common area? Will anybody be parking a car in the garage, or carport? If so, do those people have to pay more rent than those who do not park there?

Under what intolerating circumstances would you want to ask another one of the fellows to leave? Would you be willing to pay more to break the lease, or would you wait until the lease is up?

Will you allow smoking or drug use in your apartment? What if those things only happen in each separate bedroom, are you OK with that? How much drinking and intoxicated room mates will you tolerate? Is everyone over 21? If not how will you handle the fact that drinking might be taking place in your aparment if any of the three of you, or any of their guests are under age 21?

Will you tolerate/allow any of the fellows bringing underaged girls into the apartment to spend the night?

How will the three of you handle noisy/rowdy neighbors?

This should be enough questions to get you started, but I would advise drawing up these questions, discussing all of them thoroughly, asking if there are any other issues that should be discussed, then drawing up a document with all of the questions answered and signed and dated by each one of you.

I’ve watched enough Judge Judy to know that if you_don’t_ have legal documents and drawn up contracts and documentation of payments and events and dates to use as proof in the event of a dispute, you are likely to have a rude awakening and lose money as well as friends.

Hope it all works out for you guys : )

What you have so far does not seem like a red flag to me. I think the important thing is to set out agreed-upon responsibilities and rules. Like how will you handle it is one of you wants to move out? What will the plan be? How much notice does the person have to give the other two roomies? What are the rules about cleaning the common areas? What are the rules about overnight guests? What if someone wants a boyfriend or girlfriend to move in?

Those are the things that you need to hammer out and agree to in writing in advance. In doing so, you will find out a lot about this person.

I have been in the rental business for probably more years than you have been alive and I tell all new roommates the same thing. And no one ever listens.
Being roommates is like being married. If one person doesn’t pay their part of the rent, the other roommates are responsible for picking up the slack. If one roommate catches the place on fire, all the roommates are responsible for the damage. If one is a party animal, you are all getting evicted. Choose your roommates carefully. You could be paying for their poor choices for years to come.

I would also mention that it all depends on your perspective, while you think him getting annoyed is a red flag, I’d view it as a person who has high expectations.

Maybe he notes that if the landlord isn’t even available now to make the “sale,” he’s not going to be available in the future when you actually need help with an issue.

His pickiness can be the labor that causes you to land in a better complex with a better landlord!

No, it’s not unrealistic to see things that will later on become more a problem when the three of you become more comfortable in an intimate setting. It’s tricky living with people and ultimately even though you are sharing it, it is still somewhat your space too.

You want to feel comfortable, safe, secure and at ease in your own home so to figure out what potential things might aggrevate you later you watch his body language, especially his hands. Fist clenchers exhibit passive agressive behavior, as well as teeth grinders, these things that you of course have to observe when the subject isn’t aware they are being watched.

Watch the direction his eyes move in, up or down, how long it takes him to answer questions and in what way are they answered directly or round about the way?

Mostly you have to go with your gut instincts. If you are already having bad feelings, I would trust them.

@tranquilsea Yes I am checking the place out with him, so I will also be checking… him… out… not in that way

@Kardamom Wow thank you. That list of questions is often and I definitely plan to cover most if not all of it. I take it you had this prepared from before or found it… thank you very much.

@marinelife Yeah… so many good points I had not even considered, me being excited just to move (and think about it later)

@Judi Thank you for your sage advice

@mrrich724 Great point. Noted.

@GabrielsLamb Thank you for those tips. I’ll employ reading from what I learned from watching Lie To Me (great show!) I think “guts” are certainly important.