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emeraldisles's avatar

Why would anyone have a problem with someone who is a crossdresser/ is transgendered?

Asked by emeraldisles (1934 points ) October 10th, 2011

The reason I ask is because that just seems so hypocritical to me. They’re not bothering anyone or being offensive if they for instance are eating at a restaurant or out at a movie theater. So what if you know the guy is dressing up as a woman!I found out my dad is one and strangely enough I already knew that he was going to tell me. So would you have a problem with someone who is a crossdresser and go up to them ina restaurant/make comments about it within earshot. That happened when we went out to the Olive Garden. Were all born a certain way and we are different.

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31 Answers

tom_g's avatar

Can’t imagine a scenario in which this could possibly bother me or be any of my business.

I do have a problem with the Olive Garden, however.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

People’s own notions of gender are threatened since they think of it as inherent and static.

digitalimpression's avatar

I think it’s very strange and I’ll be honest that I would probably crack a joke when they are not in earshot for the benefit of my friends.

My friend’s step-dad was a cross-dresser and it started to rub-off on my friend who would sneak into my sisters underwear and clothes drawer. Everything about cross-dressing is creepy to me.

emeraldisles's avatar

I told my dad about it and he says 50%of the population is blind and doesn’t see what’s in front of them, 48% just don’t care when they see someone one doing it, and that the other 2% know it about, get offended by it, and will be nasty.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I might if they had better taste than me.

JLeslie's avatar

Well, at Tracks nightclub we always went in pairs to the ladies room because there was almost a guy in there. A girl. A guy.

Seriously, I think people should be able to dress and identify however they want. I can see how some places of work would have a tough time with someone who was a flamboyant crossdresser. Well, those places would have strick dress codes for all employees anyway. They would want a certain level of conformity to begin with.

I think some people have a problem because they just are not accustomed to seeing people who crossdress and they have no been taught not to judge, and to be accepting, but just the opposite. They live by specific rules of what they think is right and wrong.

emeraldisles's avatar

People make fun of or judge what they don’t understand or what makes them uncomfortable which isn’t always right.

digitalimpression's avatar

@emeraldisles You’re absolutely right. I don’t understand why or how anyone could do that.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@emeraldisles you nailed it. People tend to be afraid of things that are outside of their concept of what is ‘normal,’ but that doesn’t make it right.
I’m sorry that someone was rude to your and your family while you were out to dinner, that’s a shame.

Blackberry's avatar

You need to understand something about or society: it sucks.

Some people fear the slightest deviation from the majority. There are people that don’t approve of interracial dating, adopting kids because they’re not really part of the DNA, people of different religions etc.

gorillapaws's avatar

I think there are probably a lot of women who would have a problem with me going into the women’s locker room with a wig, some high heels, and some makeup (that mental image would scare the paint off the walls). I’ve also known a guy-friend who was deceived into hooking up with a transvestite at a bar. It’s a separate issue, but somewhat related I don’t want to have to look up the dress of every girl I meet before asking her out (I don’t think they’d appreciate it either). I think the problem revolves around people feeling deceived or lied-to.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@gorillapaws it isn’t a lie, and I think it’s unfair to consider it a lie. For many people in that situation it is far more honest than dressing and behaving as their genitals would have you assume they should.
Just because it isn’t what you expected doesn’t make it a deception or a lie.

Prosb's avatar

When people have a problem with it, it generally just means they are uncomfortable with their own sexuality, so they forcibly reject what they don’t want to become.
It’s also people who are afraid that their children upon seeing it, will immediately emulate it.
They are not comfortable with their children making their own choices, and becoming their own unique self outside of their restrictions. It needs to be within a set parameter for them, a mold they need to adhere to, instead of finding out who they actually are on the inside. The mold might be loose, but it’s still a limitation imposed on them, and they will most likely eventually grow to resent them for that in later years.

tom_g's avatar

@gorillapaws – Your “guy-friend who was deceived into hooking up with a transvestite at a bar.”??

I think it might help to explore the term “deceived” a bit more. Was your friend attracted to this person?

gorillapaws's avatar

@tom_g A different friend pointed “her” out to me, told me the story about our mutual friend, and from where I was sitting, I didn’t believe him that it was a guy. “She” looked just like a woman to me, but he swore it was a man. We watched her leave with a (very likely unsuspecting) yuppie guy who was pretty drunk.

tom_g's avatar

@gorillapaws – I don’t see the problem. You go into a bar and pick up a stranger with the intention of getting all sexy. Unless we’re all naked in the bar, nobody knows what’s doin’ under all of that clothing. Are we supposed to advertise what naughty bits we all have – and what size they are?

gorillapaws's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf I didn’t say they are lying, but that people feel lied-to, there’s a difference. I think my friend had every right to feel deceived.

digitalimpression's avatar

@tom_g It’s a problem when the one doing the deception knows full well that the person is interested in what they look like on the outside… and not interested in a beautiful woman who is hiding a crank underneath her skirt. I’d wager that it doesn’t happen that often though.

chelle21689's avatar

They could do what they want, I don’t care. My cousin is one and the only thing I find annoying about him is that he is SUPER SUPER fruity girly and I’m pretty girly. He does those annoying high shrieks that is exagerrated, but he’s still cool. I think it’s weird…my opinion.

He wears girls clothes all the time lol

oh and my boyfriend’s ex’s brother is a cross dresser. I didn’t even know he was a man until my bf told me. I saw him in the bathroom, it was kinda weird knowing now lol

chelle21689's avatar

Question is, why is it that it seems that women are more accepting than men about homosexuality and transgendered people?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@chelle21689 Oppressed groups know better. That’s why.

CWOTUS's avatar

I think @gorillapaws has “the basic reason” why people can get upset about this, and I’m surprised that he seems to be the only one – not because I don’t think he’s very bright, because I do, but I thought the rest of you were brighter than this, too.

People don’t want to deal with boys in the girls’ room and vice versa. So someone who is cross-dressing “effectively” can walk into either of those places unchallenged.

Personally, having been in Europe where women routinely enter public mens’ rooms to clean even while the room is “in use”, and it ain’ no thang, it doesn’t particularly bother me. But I know that it bothers others.

DominicX's avatar

No, I wouldn’t go up to them and make comments about it because I’m not a bigot. Look up the word; the definition works here.

I know the issues of deception come up, and sure, I’d be disappointed if I found out a person who looked like a man and claimed to be a man I met at a bar had a vagina because I wouldn’t find that sexually attractive. But I wouldn’t find that grounds for anger or hostile activity either.

Prosb's avatar

@CWOTUS I personally don’t see a big deal with an opposite gender going into the “wrong” restroom. If into a male restroom, I doubt guys mind a girl walking about.
If it’s a male in a female restroom, I don’t see what he could possibly do. Watch them use the sink/dryer? Unless all the doors are ripped off their hinges, you have your own private space. If they start looking under the stalls, I think people would usually have a problem with that whether you’re a man or woman. The only thing I can think of is if he has some sort of bizarre listening to women go to the bathroom fetish, and starts rubbing one out in a stall.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I wouldn’t care to use gender neutral/unisex bathrooms either. Literally, zero problem with it.

gorillapaws's avatar

@Prosb I specfically mentioned the locker room because it’s a “naked place.”

wilma's avatar

No problem except maybe in a locker room or possibly restroom situation.
I can’t imagine how anyone would care in a public dining room.

JLeslie's avatar

To be honest I don’t care that much about men walking in the women’s room, although in bars, where people can be a little drunk or drugged it can be a little harry. A few guys hanging out in the girls restroom would not be comfortable for me, not for modesty reasons, but for safety reasons. They are still stronger, there could be drugs going on, it doesn’t seem all that prudent for a woman to be in that situation. If the bathroom is very busy it wouldn’t be a big deal, but many times there were just one or two of us in the bathroom at the club.

Women in the men’s room is very odd to me because men pee in front of each other, I never get that.

emeraldisles's avatar

Well I think your all on point here. My dad by most standards, dresses pretty conservatively when he crossdresses which is about 2 or 3 times a week.He keeps to himself unless he’s out with his other crossdresser friends and they just go out on weekend trips to the casino, to restaurants, to the movies etc.He’s not trying to make anyone uncomfortable and realizes there are jerks in the world, but isn’t going to deny a very dominant part of himself.His buddies know about it as well as 2 of my aunts and myself. The rest of the family and is ex wife is clueless.I’ll go out with him to a restaurant and he is just another of my ’‘aunts’’.

Soupy's avatar

I think that people feel a certain way about sex and gender, and people who cross-dress contradict their already established views. Many people don’t distinguish between sex and gender, and they feel that the two are predetermined and unchangeable. Suddenly a cross-dresser walks into the bar and their world view is challenged.

Personally, I don’t give a damn what anyone wears.

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