So, what is your deep dark depression and lack of hope?

I’m bipolar, so this is right up my alley. I can go from a wild shopping spree that makes all the blood rush to my head on Monday to total despair at the state of the world believing I personally caused the Arab uprisings on Wednesday. I don’t need any triggers. It just happens.

Thankfully, there is medication that I take which keeps me on an even keel. I highly recommend it to any and all concerned with mania, depression, or bipolar.

Our existence is sickening, and sometimes I think many of us would be better off dead. We got this amazing opportunity to evolve and experience consciousness in this massive universe, and people are using it to cause unnecessary suffering. I will never understand.

I would love the chance to be one of these monsters just so I can know what it really is like to have such a defective mind.

We can’t be surprised, though. Of course it’s a product of this process.

I sometimes get those kinds of depressions just before I go to sleep. I’d lie down in bed, and start thinking things like “If I die tommorow, what will happen to the ones I love?”, “I can’t imagine myself being buried 6 feet below the ground,” etc. It’s really depressing, but in the dark of night, when I’m in bed, and there’s no noise or activity around me, I “think” and get blue.

Then along comes morning and it’s like I’m a different person. My spirit is lifted again. But I can’t help it when I think depressing thoughts sometimes, especially at night.

I think it’s normal to have depressions sometimes. But when it interferes with your daily life and becomes overwhelming, then it’s not normal.

@XOIIO I know what you mean by dark depressions “popping up”. It happens more to people who are creative and complex, and less with people who are simpletons who lack a creative mind and intelligence. For me, I realize that some of these thoughts seem important, but they really are not. My mind is just playing a game with me, up to its old tricks. Knowing that makes it easier to handle, and time will soon bring ease and lift your spirits back up.

When I lost my first husband to a car wreck shortly after our first anniversary, I existed as a zombie for nearly a year, and only because I had an infant son who needed me. I can’t imagine anything worse.

@XOIIO And yet like me… You manage to be quite intelligent, very clever, hysterically funny and rather charming and you don’t wait around for anyone else to justify that fact for you.

Gnothi Seauton!

You’ll do just fine in life little one… Give yourself a damn chance would you?

Not everyone in this God forsaken world has turned coat on humanity so much so that they ALL believe this new fangled bullshit that people can’t be real… and still be liked.

Not all of us want to be shiney happy people you know. And they CAN’T MAKE US!

*Has a temper tantrum…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s&ob=av3e

That video… evokes images of a shooting gallery to my sensabilities.

“It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than to say, ‘Just Be Nice.”
Aldous Huxley

@GabrielsLamb Holy shit, get me a bomb vest.

@XOIIO Kevlar!

And in more cases than not… My answer revolves around certain other people and the way they justify their own shtty behavior by pointing out everyone else’s BUT their own… Even as a demonstration of their own, they just seem to miss it.

Yesterday I took my little one out shopping and we went into a popular clothing store and there were these three little college age things behind the counter basically doing nothing on company time, and I walked past them and smiled kindly, they saw me, and completely ignored me like I didn’t exist. *Believing of course that kind of thing might hurt my feelings of course being completely oblivious to the fact that I prefer that as my ideal for of interaction with human beings in general… But they didn’t see it that way… In their own hatred, and their own bitterness, they failed me, in realizing how very little I care what they do, or why. But still thought so highly of themselves that they believed that to me, it should matter.

And the next two ladies that walked in after me, walked by just the same ignoring them, no smiles, nothing, and they were met with smiles and a “Hi how are you today welcome to *** **** Anything we can do to help you just let us know.”

If you think too much like I do… Things like this are just observations of the goings on of life as we know it on this big blue ball.

They fail to understand in that moment how very much I pitied them, and how badly they failed themselves as members of humanity… Just to try and make someone they don’t even know, feel bad because they believe that they just matter that much.

That’s why I can’t stand people.

I’m getting better, but I have developed this tendency, every time something feels not-quite-right in my body, of letting myself get all freaked out and convinced that it’s going to be something chronic that’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Ho hum.

I’m at the point in life, mid 40’s where everything is changing for me and if I don’t try to see with new eyes or new perspective then I sometimes get panic attacks.

There’s a point when I noticed physical “aging” and it freaked me out because I’ve never paid much attention, just took for granted I always look younger. I still look younger but of course, younger gets older and older. heh.

Many of my relatives are starting to sicken or die. I knew this would happen someday but I haven’t noticed the passage of time well, it seems all of a sudden everyone is old or I don’t know the majority who are “kids” where before I knew everyone in my generation and older.

My deep dark lack of hope has been not getting another chance to fall in mutual, reciprocal, romantic love. It happened but when I’ve been down then that fear crept in to just add to the whole panic thing. My fiancee likes to remind me my life is great and we are fortunate but like anyone in the throes of a depression, the good things can appear twisted and suspect.

I specialize in being worthless. But I’m trying not to care. I’m worthless. So what? Get it?

Since I’m worthless, there’s no particular reason why I should care about that fact.

The real problem is hoping that I can do something that would make me worth something. Not gonna happen. So I’m gonna do what I do and let the self-judgments take care of themselves. I got better shit to do.

A return of Prohibition.

I ain’t got a damn clue what my problem is, but alcohol takes care of that haha. I get sick and tired of trying to deal with shit and be happy, so fuck it all. :D

A lot of things, I guess. I’ve been having girl troubles lately, which weirdly ends up affecting me more profoundly than I’d care to admit to myself. Even prior to this whole ordeal, though, I’ve still gone through bouts of the sads. Sometimes things will just suck, and there’s no clear reason why. Stuff like this piles up quickly, often to the point where I can’t see any of the good things going on around me.

That not even Jesus Christ would love me or show me mercy and Jesus Christ showed compassion and mercy to every human being and animal on Earth. To be unloveable even to Jesus to me would be the worst feeling in the World.