Have you had any sex education classes yet? When me and some of the older Fluther members were young, we had mandatory (your parents could opt you out, though) sex education/health classes starting in 6th grade, then again in 8th grade and then again in 10th grade. I realize that many (or may all) schools have dropped sex education classes, and I think that’s a terrible thing. It would be nice if parents could or would explain to their kids what sex, and sexual feelings are all about, and what’s normal and what’s safe, but they don’t. Or at least most parents do not do a very satisfactory or complete job of explaining how things work.
So the first answer to your question is yes, it’s completely natural and normal for teenagers, and even pre-teens to have sexual feelings and desires. Hormones are pretty much the chemicals involved with sexual feelings. The hormones start coursing through young bodies when they get to be around 11 or 12, to get young bodies ready for adulthood and the childbearing years. But just because you feel sexually charged, doesn’t mean that you should act on those feelings.
But I’m not saying that kids should be locked up in convents either. Again, back in the day (even before I was a teenager) when pre-marital sex, and out of wedlock births were considered especially shameful, most teenagers didn’t engage in sexual intercourse, but that didn’t stop them from enjoying all sorts of other sexual activities, short of actual sex.
It’s really too bad that parents don’t want to, or can’t imagine how to, teach their children to engage in mutual masturbation, and explaining to them how to kiss someone properly (rather than just smacking and drooling, which apparently is pretty common, because kids don’t get the same experience as we did back when)
At your age, and because you’ve only been with your boyfriend for a few months, even though you might think he’s the one at this very second, that is very naive thinking. I think that couples should spend a lot of time really getting to know each other, meeting each other’s families, engaging in all sorts of activities together to see if you are really compatible, before engaging in any sexual activity. When you are young, you are still learning about yourself, and what you want and need in a relationship and in life, so you are still figuring yourself out, while at the same time, trying to figure out whether you can sustain a long term relationship with this fellow. That’s a lot of work, but it’s worth the effort. If you just jump into bed with someone (even if he’s been your boyfriend for a couple of months) without doing all of this soul searching and asking yourself and each other millions of questions about your likes and dislikes, your hopes and dreams, your ideas about religion and education and politics and family dynamics, then you’re likely to get a really ugly dose of reality when things fall apart and you have no idea why (because you didn’t do all of your investigations over a long period of time).
You guys should probably sit down together and have a very frank discussion. And don’t be swayed by the likelihood that you boyfriend will try to convince you that he “can’t wait any longer” or that he’ll become ill if you give him “blue balls” or that you “don’t love him” if you do’t sleep with him or that you are “childish or naive” if you don’t give in to sex. Those are some of the lines that guys use to manipulate girls.
Because your boyfriend is 3 years older than you, that would make him anywhere from 17 to 21, you need to realize that he is in his sexual prime right this minute. So he’s probably raring to go and have sex. That doesn’t make him mature enough for a sexual relationship, though and it puts the 2 of you in kind of an awkward position, because you won’t be in your prime sexually until you’re in your mid to late 30’s. Isn’t that a cruel joke that nature played on us?
When you have your frank discussion, you should really talk about the possibility that you could get pregnant. What would you decide to do if that happened? Get an abortion? Put the child up for adoption? Try to raise the child yourself? Do both of you agree on what you should do? Do either of you have enough money to deal with that possibility?
You might want to try to find a book at the book store, or maybe even the library, that is all about mutual masturbation and sexual pleasure that does not involve actual sexual intercourse. That is a real good way to get out your sexual ya yas, without the possibility of you becoming pregnant. And it’s a very good way to learn about your own body, and his body and learn to give and receive sexual pleasure and to be able to learn how to control yourself and stop yourself and to be patient. Most young people, when they first have sexual intercourse, do not have any concept of what foreplay is, and then the dude just goes to town on her for a couple of seconds and then the whole thing is overwith. Most females have a very boring or unpleasant first time, due to the fact that they never engaged in foreplay and mutual masturbation and learning how to kiss properly, and spending lots and lots of time with their boyfriend first. If you can’t find a good book, try to talk to an understanding older female friend or relative who is not shy, and is willing to explain to you how to do things.
In the meantime, you should go to a gynocologist, get a checkup (which should be the start of regular checkups and pap smears) and talk to the doc about all of the possibilities for birth control down the road, maybe a year from now. And you and your boyfriend should both get tested for STD’s. Just because he says he’s never had sex, lots of guys LIE about that. So if he’s unwilling to get tested, that is a big red flag.
And one more thing, do not let your boyfriend convince you to try sex, and that he will “pull out” before he climaxes. You can get pregant just by having his male parts touch your female parts, because there are little spermies spilling out even before the big moment. And pulling out rarely happens, because the guys don’t pull out, but even if they do, it’s usually already too late, because their swimmers have already made an appearance. Don’t fall for it.
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