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marinelife's avatar

What do I do about this dilemma? (See details)

Asked by marinelife (58104 points ) October 28th, 2011

My husband and I were invited to a wedding in August, but at the last minute could not go due to a family emergency.

We had registered on the couple’s gift registry to get them a teapot that they wanted. But I had not yet sent the teapot (relying on the etiquette rule that you have up to one year to send wedding gifts).

Yesterday in the mail we got a thank you postcard with a picture of the couple on the front thanking us for the teapot and saying they were sorry that we had to miss the wedding and they hoped to see us soon.

Do I:

1. Just send the teapot now with no comment?

2. Tell them that we had not yet sent the teapot and they must be thanking us for a teapot from someone else?

3. Something else?

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12 Answers

JilltheTooth's avatar

The registry may have notified them that you bought the teapot, so they may be going on that information. I’d go ahead and send the teapot with a note telling them you’re looking forward to seeing the pictures (or somesuch).

bkcunningham's avatar

Do you know them well enough to call and ask them about the confusion instead of possibly sending a duplicate gift?

marinelife's avatar

@bkcunningham Not really. The child of very good friends.

bkcunningham's avatar

That is a tough one then, @marinelife. I guess I’d just send the teapot. If it is a duplicate, they can always return one. I agree with @JilltheTooth that they may have just gone through the registry as a way to send thank you notes.

I’d still mention it to your friends just in case there really was a mix up and someone doesn’t get a thank you note.

AmWiser's avatar

Send the gift with a comment/lighthearted note.

This makes me wonder if the couple is going by what’s on the registry as being bought, but in actuallity they don’t know where in the heck they could have put the gift. So they’re thanking you for something they think they have but no idea where it’s at.

Years ago I would have dismissed the incident without a thought. These days I would clear up the confusion for the sake of my own piece of mind.

cazzie's avatar

Send the gift. They are thanking in advance.

nikipedia's avatar

I agree, send the gift with a jokey note. You could also bring it up with the parents since you’re close to them.

Hibernate's avatar

Just explain the situation to them. I’m sure they will have a great laugh and thank you once again. But visit them and give them the gift when you go there [try to do it as soon as you can].

janbb's avatar

I think I would send an explanatory note and then the tea pot to follow just in case they are thanking you for someone else’s gift. But perhaps it is best to send it with the teapot so they know you are sending it. Awkward!. (And we missed out on our visit too.)

Jeruba's avatar

This is a bit tricky, isn’t it? It’s hard to see how any solution would completely avoid embarrassing anyone.

It isn’t clear from your details whether you have physical possession of the teapot or it just exists right now as a checked box in a registry. Are you sure it hasn’t been sent by the store?

If the parents are your very good friends, are you comfortable letting them know, in a discreet way and with a light touch (but not exaggerated laughter), that the acknowledgment has actually run ahead of the gift and that the gift is in the mail now?

I would go ahead and send it so that I can say it is in the mail now.

In telling them that the teapot is only now being sent, I definitely would not add that they must be thanking you for a teapot from someone else. That’s speculation. If they feel the need of an excuse for what is really their faux pas, let them make it. Your attempt to make it for them would call embarrassing attention to the gaffe.

Supacase's avatar

I would send the teapot with a simple note. “So sorry we didn’t get this to you sooner. Best wishes for your new marriage.”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

they’ve basically obligated you to get one but you did register so you should send it.

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