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wundayatta's avatar

What do you wish you had talked about?

Asked by wundayatta (58349 points ) November 4th, 2011

Many of us suffer alone because we are afraid to tell anyone what we are feeling. Maybe we don’t trust anyone to understand. Maybe we think they will hurt us in some way if they find out.

In reality, it might not have been bad to talk about it. Maybe you would have gotten help instead of punishment. Maybe you would have found others who shared your problem. Maybe you would have even helped others by letting them know what you were going through.

What have you kept secret that you now wish you had talked about?

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12 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Not now, but as a child I wish I would have told someone the things that I had witnessed and experienced, so that I could have stopped the abuse of several children long before it actually ended.

Blackberry's avatar

Sorry, man. Great question, but I’m not revealing my deep thoughts so quickly lol. At least buy me dinner first.

wundayatta's avatar

@Blackberry It’s ok. Other people will say something. And if you are ever in town, I’ll buy you dinner whether you put out tell a story or not. ;-)

spykenij's avatar

I’m the opposite, I tell too much and keep nothing to myself. Only 1 thing I can think of that not too many people know and I’m rightfully ashamed by it. Telling a therapist was the only way I was going to be helped and be able to understand why I did something I did when I was 14. I grew up in an overbearing, sexist household and was being blamed and guilt ridden for far too much. According to the therapists I’ve told, what I did is unfortunately, kinda common for people who grow up in homes like I did. I needed to forgive myself and release myself from the punishment I was going through from it and I have for the most part. I still have feelings of guilt, but there’s nothing I can do to undo what I did and so for me, it’s best to just chalk it up as an unfortunate lesson, recognize never to do anything like it again and let it go.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I wish I would have been able to speak up and ask people for things I needed or wanted instead of either waiting for them to offer and then justifying to myself why it was okay not to have those things if/when they didn’t come through.

mazingerz88's avatar

Not a secret but I really wish I had talked about how bad the Star Wars prequels are to George Lucas himself and that how bad I wish he would burn all the copies existing worldwide and produce them again if he like but assign most of the writing and the directing to other filmmakers like what he did with Empire and Return.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

I wished I had talked about the dangers of acting giddy and lecherous at Christmas parties with somebody, before going to one, or had someone lecture me about the perils of acting giddy at such parties!! (um—- I think you know what I mean @wundayatta.)

Earthgirl's avatar

Hmmm, I am racking my brain here. Since I am a very private person who tends to hold things pretty close to the vest I have more regrets about things that I wish I hadn’t talked about than things I should have talked about!. I guess I don’t have much faith in the idea that people will understand and be sympathetic. Call me cynical, I am not proud of it but there it is. It doesn’t take much for me to want to divulge all. I respond very readily to a sympathetic ear. I don’t have a lot of dirty little secrets, mostly just insecurities. I don’t think it’s wise to divulge insecurities to people that you work with.
I think that my father was a lot like me as far as keeping things to himself. There was a a wall there that was hard to break through. So I really regret not trying to breach that wall more. I tried, but maybe not hard enough. My regrets have to do with wishing I had gotten him to share more of himself and his thoughts before he passed away. I wanted to know and understand him better and now I never will. I suppose there is a lesson in there, isn’t there?

wundayatta's avatar

@Earthgirl You made me think about my father, and how I’ve given up on trying to talk to him about anything personal. He just doesn’t believe in it. He never asks anyone and he shuts people down when they ask about others.

I just had the thought that maybe he would become a bit more open as he got older, but if it happens, it won’t happen because I ask. It’ll happen because he reminisces. And god forbid any of us should ask him a probing question. It’s funny. Both I and my sister became experts at questions. She ended up being a reporter. I’m not sure what I am, but you see the results here.

My brother, on the other hand, is like my father. He keeps everything to himself. No one, as far as I can tell, has a clue. Of course, my father is very protective of my brother’s privacy.

I now have as little to do with my parents as I can. My wife gives them more news than I do. I don’t know if she’s trying to make up for me, or if she feels sorry for my parents or what. I don’t know. Seems like in many cases, there’s really nothing that can be done. People will carry their secrets to the grave.

Earthgirl's avatar

Wundayatta My husband tells me that I read too much into things. I think it’s my training, lol. My Dad was a cipher. I was always trying to figure him out. I remember feeling a little angry. I felt awkward about digging for stories and trying to draw him out.I felt like “I am the child! You are the adult! It’s up to you to do it.”
I don’t really blame him. I don’t think he was purposely distant. He just didn’t know how to do it. One time he was in the hospital and he had some pain killer that made him talkative. Oh my! My father? Talkative? My mother said that she heard stories that night that she hadn’t ever heard in 40 years of marriage!

wundayatta's avatar

Hmmm. So your advice is that I get my Dad high? ;-)

spykenij's avatar

@Earthgirl – Sounds like your dad and my dad should know each other well. My dad was the same way. I had to look for him and seek him out as a kid and when we did see each other, he was a frikkin child and I was always the adult in the relationship.

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