Social Question

OliviaYR's avatar

Why am I so pathetic?

Asked by OliviaYR (241 points ) November 4th, 2011

I used to be a strong independent woman who was not afraid to be alone, however, somehow I have turned into this week dependent wimp who needs someone around all the time. Especially now that I am back to my hometown where I spent my first 15 years of my life (I am 26), I do not have friends here so naturally I constantly feel lonely (not to mention I just went through a breakup with my boyfriend who lives in the States).
Basically, I am pathetic. I am actually friendly vibrant and fun to be around, but when I am alone, I turn into a pathetic hopeless person. How can I change this? Is there anything I can do to change myself?

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16 Answers

6rant6's avatar

This is not the end point. It’s just a dark little side road. You’ll be someone else next year. Not to worry.

YARNLADY's avatar

You have not let enough time pass to feel better. It takes longer for some people than for others, but there will come a time when this will all be behind you.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Well, at least you know it’s happening. Now, it’s all about will power and perhaps a visit to a psychologist just to talk.

marinelife's avatar

Look online for Meetup groups in your interest areas in your hometown.

Consider moving away from your hometown again.

jrpowell's avatar

You need to focus on strong independent woman and not pathetic. People can see how you see yourself.

lillycoyote's avatar

I doubt you are pathetic. You, apparently recently, moved and moved to a place where you don’t have any friends and you just broke up with your boyfriend. That’s not necessarily a great set of circumstance. With time, I have no doubt that you will once again be that strong, independent woman, vibrant, friendly fun to be around woman you really are. :-)

stardust's avatar

It’s going to take time to adjust to this new change in your life. You sound like you’re being hard on yourself. You could start by taking small steps to rebuild your confidence, i.e. spend some time every day doing something that makes you feel good & do it for that reason alone.

chyna's avatar

Since you’ve just had a baby, your feelings might be hormonal. From another thread of OP. Get out with your baby and join in mom groups to get you back to your vibrant self. Everything else will start falling into place.

john65pennington's avatar

Buy yourself a puppy from the pound.

He will share all of your good and bad moments with you.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

”...somehow I have turned into this week dependent wimp who needs someone around all the time….”

Probably seeking validation. Meh… That’s cool. We all do at times.

When I put myself on a good path, with a direction and mission, setting a goal and crafting a plan to achieve it… Then I have created an envisioned purpose. I don’t need or want any validation. I’m pleased enough with the journey, and the fantasy of fulfilling it.

But when I have no plan, no goals, no purpose… then I question who I am and seek validation from others.

Feed my ego… Can’t you see I’m emotionally starved!

How off putting…
________

May I suggest that you envision your life three months from today? What do you see?

Do you see the same person as you are right now? Or do you see a person who set a goal and developed an intelligent plan to achieve it?

Winter is coming. Better get on these feelings before the cold dull-drums set in.

Start walking/exercising at the same time every day… Just a little walk around the block. If you miss a time… that’s cool… just pick up again and do whatever it takes to make it a habit. You’ll feel better with some consistent exercise. No grand plans… just a little change.

Watch the food you put into your body. Careful not to get caught into the trap of comfort food. Good things in… Lots of water. Eat as many mushrooms as you can. They are packed with good vibe vitamin D… It’s like eating sunshine.

Get a fresh hair cut/style. Find a new soap or facial cleanser. Light some incense and a few candles and put that old Dead Can Dance cd on and put your head in a completely different state of mind. Meditate… Shock your essence into the will of becoming.

Become yourself… Envision a perfect you… Write a plan to become her… Become!

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Oh… and don’t spend so much time on the computer. It is slowly killing us all.

digitalimpression's avatar

Because you think you are.

Pandora's avatar

Ok this is something that actually took me years of moving to learn. Its always depressing at first if you build the place up in your mind because reality will hit your hard. It will also be depressing if you are really bummed about the move because you feel you left so much more behind. So you’re too busy looking back instead of forward.
So this is what you do. You look around for things to do to keep you busy and explore new things. Go out and find an awesome place to eat. Find a museum to go to. Or a great little coffee shop. Explore your surroundings. Ask people around for places to go or things to do. Look on the computer for local hot spots for socializing.
Ask co-workers what or where do they go. You’ll be amazed how people love to play tourist guide.
Think of it as finding places you would like to take people to for when they come to visit you.
White water rafting, botanical gardens, caves, mountain climbing, scenic routes or casinos or beaches.
You can even talk to your employer about arranging group outdoor events.
Oh, you can also join group events at your local community center or church. Many of these places arrange meetings for single people to meet and mingle. Doesn’t mean you have to be looking for someone to date but just find a friend with the same interests.

zensky's avatar

Welcome to fluther, dear.

Especially now that I am back to my hometown where I spent my first 15 years of my life (I am 26), I do not have friends here so naturally I constantly feel lonely (not to mention I just went through a breakup with my boyfriend who lives in the States).

Anyone would feel lonely under these circumstances.

Fortunately, you don’t have to be alone anymore – there’s the internet. It used to be friends – or nobody. Now – there’s us! Welcome to the best place and nicest community online.

And if you need more contact – try second life, or facebook.

But we should be enough.

Symbeline's avatar

Yain’t pathetic. A lot of factors you mentioned can bring you down a whole lot, and many of them can be hard to understand, for what they actually are. I’m not saying I know the answer or nothing, otherwise I’d give that. But emotions can confuse quite a lot, so don’t take them at face value right away.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

There are many people who can’t stand to be alone at any age. Some people just get cabin fever if all they have to listen to is the tic of the clock and their own mind.

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