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FromNJ23's avatar

I can't afford an abortion..what can I do?

Asked by FromNJ23 (51 points ) December 3rd, 2011

I am trying to have an abortion but I can’t afford it. It is honestly the worst experience I’ve ever had to go through, since I never thought I would end my first pregnancy. Before you say anything about how I am killing a baby please understand I can’t afford an abortion never mind to have the child. The father walked out of my life and I am in college. not to mention that I used drugs during the first few weeks. I don’t know who to turn to at this point. Do you know of any programs that help girls with this situation?

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59 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Abortion provision that is low-cost or free is hard to find in some places. What state are you in? I will try to locate something in the area.

bongo's avatar

I have no idea what it is like in the US being from the UK but does your college maybe have a womens services place where you can go and speak to someone about how to go about getting an abortion in your area? I am sure they must have something like that and they would not be allowed to tell anyone. Sorry I can’t be of more help. Good luck. @Simone_De_Beauvoir is great at finding answers for questions. I’m sure she will do better than me with this.

FromNJ23's avatar

i am from NJ. @bongo my school doesn’t have any of that. So far nobody has been helpful around this area.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@FromNJ23 Here are locations of Planned Parenthood clinics in NJ. Do any of them seem close to you?

bkcunningham's avatar

How far along in your pregnancy are you, @FromNJ23? Did you go to a county health department for the pregnancy test? They make referrals and will set you up for an abortion.

janbb's avatar

I would recommend Planned Parenthood too. Sending you support and best wishes.

SmashTheState's avatar

If all else fails, there are natural abortifacients which have been used for centuries with greater and lesser effect. If you can’t find any way to get an abortion, a doula or midwife may be able to recommend some of the more reliable natural abortifacients available.

Bellatrix's avatar

You sound extremely stressed. I hope the people @Simone_De_Beauvoir and @janbb have recommended can help you. I also hope you have someone you trust you can speak to. Can you talk to your mother or a sister or aunt about what is happening in your life right now? I would hope you can get some emotional support at this time as well as physical treatment.

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

Check out the Planned Parenthood website. Even if they can’t provide an abortion in your area, they can provide resources and helplines to call and ask for more resources and information about what you can do. The website is here.

fundevogel's avatar

@SmashTheState She should be careful about using alternative medicine to abort. From what little I know of older abortifacients alot of them were basically poisons, taken at doses that killed the fetus but not the mother. Even if done in the right way those sort aren’t exactly the safest thing. Pennyroyal for instance.

Coloma's avatar

Excellent help from everyone! I have nothing to ad, except, yes…DO NOT experiment with off the wall alternative methods! My heart aches for you, I am sorry, been there, long ago now.

bea2345's avatar

Where I live, abortions are not actually illegal but they are hard to get and usually expensive if done privately. But experienced doctors and midwives say that an illegal abortion is the worst possible choice. When things go wrong, they can go very wrong in the hands of an incompetent. Go and see the Planned Parenthood people. And please: don’t try alternative medicine. You may well end up dead or in the emergency ward.

gravity's avatar

Have you thought about private adoption? How heavy was your drug use?

SmashTheState's avatar

WTF? “Off the wall” alternative methods? Someone needs to take some classes in women’s studies. ALL medicines are potentially dangerous, even and especially the ones promulgated by the pharmaceutical corporations. The fact that a particular medicine is found growing right out of the ground for free instead of being made in giant vats and sold at extortionate prices by multinational corporations does not, in itself, make it “off the wall.” Some traditional medicines work better than others; some are superstition and wishful thinking, and others are time-tested and effective. This is why I said to “check with a doula or midwife,” and not “pick an herb at random from Wikipedia and cram your yob with it like popcorn.”

Coloma's avatar

@SmashTheState

That may be, but, you should not be advocating alternative methods since you are not a physician nor an expert in safe abortion by alternative methods.

Not cool to promote any self induced abortion techniques.

Do you want blood on your hands?

SmashTheState's avatar

@Coloma I find this personally offensive, and I’m not going to address this beyond saying that if what you got from my recommendation to consult a doula or midwife about the possibility of traditional medicines if there is nothing else available was “go ingest toxins,” then I recommend a closer re-reading of my posting.

lillycoyote's avatar

If you are in New Jersey, you might contact these people, The New York Abortion Access Fund. They are in NYC but they also help out of state women help cover the cost of an abortion if they can’t afford it. I don’t think they will pay for the whole thing, actually I’m not sure if they will or not, but they might be able to help.

And these are some of the risks, some of the things that can go wrong using natural abortifacients. Please don’t risk it!

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CaptainHarley's avatar

Is it an option for you to carry the child to term and put him or her up for adoption? That’s probably going to be the least expensive alternative for you. There are organizations which can help you with that.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Give the baby up for adoption. If it’s all about money for you anyway, I believe you get money for letting someone adopt your child.

deni's avatar

Haven’t read the above comments, but there are teas and certain herbs that are supposed to do the trick. I do not know about them, but I know they exist. The internet is a wealth of knowledge, and you’re not the first to be in this situation. Also, try not to let people who are not in your situation make you feel bad or upset. Good luck.

bkcunningham's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate, I don’t think it is legal in America to pay someone for a baby. There are many legal ways to get around it like offering money for rent, groceries, healthcare etc.; but as far as I know, you can’t legally directly pay a woman for a baby.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@bkcunningham Well, you don’t have to pay any medical expenses while you’re pregnant or anything.

blueberry_kid's avatar

Well for one thing, I may speak for most people, but abortion is not the only answer. I comepletly and totally understand that you are a busy, stressed college student not ready to be a mom, I’m right there with you. I’m really sorry that the dad walked on you, a total douche bag. My dad left me when I was 2, haven’t seen him since. Anyway, there are many Planned Parenthoods in your area. I looked at the above links and they all sound very helpful. I highly, highly, highly, highly suggest a private adoption. It was very silly of you to take crazy drugs, I will admit, but you have to give this baby a chance to have a good life. If you are for sure certain you can’t take of this child, let someone else. If you’re just scared to go through the pregnancy and the birth, then maybe abortion is the answer for you. I’m really sorry it had to end like this. I know I’m only 14, but I can be wise, and there are things that I am almost certain about. This is one of them.

I want you to do me a favor, think hard about your final descision. If you really, really, really can’t take care of the child, adoption. If you don’t want to go through that process, (sigh) sad to say, I guess you’ll have to do abortion. But only do it with a planned parenthood, safely. No back alley, needle up there crap. Please? I don’t want this baby to lose it’s life, and I don’t blame you. Give him/her a chance. And, be careful next time? Please. Just do me a solid.

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SavoirFaire's avatar

[Mod Says] Please remember that this question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

bkcunningham's avatar

What do you mean, @WillWorkForChocolate? A pregnant woman doesn’t have to pay for medical expenses because she can use government assistance like the county health department I suggested to @FromNJ23 in my earlier post?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

No, a woman who intends to give her baby up for adoption has all her medical expenses paid for by either the adoption agency or the adoptive parents.

bkcunningham's avatar

I didn’t know that.

lillycoyote's avatar

@bkcunningham

\According to this site, if you arrange for the adoption before hand, in at least 45 states, the adoptive parents are required to pay for certain reasonable costs associated with the pregnancy

I am just assuming that the site is correct, I’m not sure. I wasn’t aware of that either.

That being said, @WillWorkForChocolate I think it was extremely unfair and unwarranted to say “If it’s all about money for you anyway…” I don’t think there is any reason to say that or to believe that “it is all about the money” for her. She seems to want to have an abortion, to have decided that the choice for her and apparently cannot afford one. That was what the question was about. I don’t see how that implies that “it is all about the money” for her.

saint's avatar

Planned parenthood. That is why it exists.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@lillycoyote She can’t afford a baby, and can’t afford an abortion. She said so in her details. Her situation is all about the money right now. If she stays pregnant and goes to an adoption agency, the money situation is resolved. How was it “unfair and unwarranted” to mention that?

fundevogel's avatar

@saint And also paps, screening and family planning.

lillycoyote's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate While she did say those things that she can’t afford the abortion or to raise a child, I think it was unfair and unwarranted to say, to characterize it as being “all about the money” for her. Her details also indicate that this has been a very difficult decision for her. She states that she is in college, that she used drugs early on in the pregnancy and the father has walked out on her. Whether or not she should get an abortion, well, that is really up to her, but it is not purely a financial decision, I don’t think, and I think it was unfair to characterize it as one.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@lillycoyote “I am trying to have an abortion but I can’t afford it.” “I can’t afford an abortion never mind to have the child.”

Per the details, she has no money. I said if it’s all about the money, she can go a different route. There was absolutely nothing unfair or unwarranted about what I said. I went off the facts I was given. I don’t understand what your issue is with it. It’s like someone saying “I have no bananas” and I leave a comment saying “If it’s all about the bananas”, and someone getting mad over it. I think maybe you’re misinterpreting what I said.

lillycoyote's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Maybe be I am misinterpreting what you said, but the OP also stated there were other issues, as I mentioned: that she was in college and the father had walked out on her and that she had taken drugs early in the pregnancy. Obviously money is part of the issue, but not all of the issue. I guess that is my issue, the use of the word “all” when that’s not all that was involved.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@lillycoyote Okay, I understand that she has those reasons for wanting the abortion, but that’s not what the question is asking. She’s explaining, in that part of her details, to anti-abortionists why she wants the abortion, but that’s not what she’s asking for help with. The question and details keep mentioning “I can’t afford it, what do I do?” which is what I based my comment on. She’s asking what to do about her pregnancy since she can’t afford to keep it and can’t afford to abort it. That’s what I answered.

Ponderer983's avatar

If planned parenthood can not help you themselves, they should know the direction to point you in. But the point of planned parenthood is to help people in your situation, especially with your financial burden. This is DEFINITELY the first route to take before trying any other unsupervised method.

lillycoyote's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate O.K. You’re right. She asked what to do if she can’t afford to raise the child and can’t afford to have an abortion and that is the question you answered.

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Coloma's avatar

@SmashTheState

Your offended feelings are not my concern. My concern is this girl/woman gets a safe, medically supervised, and theraputic termination to her pregnancy.

fundevogel's avatar

@Roby We’re not talking about an unwanted side salad. Having a baby is a bit more demanding than trading plates. Seeing the pregnancy through involves very real physical and emotional demands regardless of if she intends to keep the baby. Lets not be cavalier with other people’s bodies.

FromNJ23's avatar

Thanks to everyone who responded. It’s funny how I have more support on a website than in my life. To everyone who asked, I cannot keep the baby or even give it for adoption. For starters like i said before, i did use drugs during the first weeks..now I’m not a hardcore drug user or anything, but it is still unhealthy to a fetus. I think planned parenthood may be able to help based on my income, if not I will be asking a few people i work with who already know i am “sick”...(i didn’t tell them the truth) . thanks again everyone.

lillycoyote's avatar

Good luck, @FromNJ23. I think we’re all wishing you only the best.

Bellatrix's avatar

Indeed @lillycoyote. All the best @FromNJ23.

Coloma's avatar

@FromNJ23

Yes! We’re all wanting the best for you kiddo! :-)

creative1's avatar

@FromNJ23 My adopted daughter was born addicted to methadone and before being put on it her biological mother was a hard core iv drug user along with being a prostitute so I am sure what small amount of drugs you did in your first trimester will probably not effect the outcome as long as you have a clean rest of your pregnancy. My daughter had a hard start being born addicted but at 3 yrs old you would never know that she had been exposed.she is above average and is developmentally more like a 4 yr old. So I would not let that sway your thoughts on actually having the baby and giving it up for adoption. I wish you all the best of luck and send prayers to you.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I just want to reiterate that I didn’t intend for my comment to come across as snarky; I was seriously trying to offer another option. I think a few people may have misunderstood what I was saying. Perhaps I should have worded it differently, my apologies. Best of luck to you, @FromNJ23. I don’t support abortion, but I wish you well.

fundevogel's avatar

@FromNJ23 We’re pulling for you. I hope you have a smooth procedure and a speedy recovery.

lillycoyote's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I think I’m the only one who misinterpreted your comments and I’m sorry. I kind of let you have it, didn’t I? Thank you for being patient and civil to me : – ) in trying to clarify what you meant. I appreciate that.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Perfectly okay. Someone else may have alsomisunderstood, and just didn’t say anything. And no, you didn’t let me have it, lol, you were understandably upset because you thought I was being rude to the OP. It’s fine. =0)

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