To spank or not to spank?

It would be very difficult to have the Spanking Police on hand at all times to supervise and regulate who whacks whom and with what force.

I believe, strongly, that you never hit a child, for whatever reason.

Absolutely no spanking is necessary. There’s nothing particularly special about any set of kids as far as learning is concerned. You only need restrain the child and speak in a loud voice, and they won’t run in the street. I never spanked my kids, and most people think they are pretty much model citizens. Loving and talented.

That’s just one case, of course, but I believe anyone can do it that way. I believe the data show spanking is not only unnecessary, but harmful to kids. What is needed is for kids to trust their parents and know they tell the truth. Then the kids will believe the parents when they say stop. When you spank a child, you are telling them to believe you because you are bigger than they are, not because they tell the truth. That’s not the way to start.

I don’t have a problem with spanking. By “spanking” I mean with the palm of the hand, not a fist, not a belt, not a stick, not a paddle.
We don’t spank our kids, but I was spanked as a child, my husband was spanked as a child, I know lots of people who spank their children… I haven’t really seen spankings as detrimental or harmful, as I’ve heard it is. I’m not saying that my perspective is a scientific study, but I’m not convinced that swatting your kid on the butt is the worst thing you can do as a parent.

I find it difficult to apply these ‘one size fits all’ solutions to problems. Parents are responsible for thier children. Both civilly and criminally. If you take away thier options on how to discipline the kids, you should also take away thier responsibility. Some kids respond just fine to a stern warning. Others do not.

I spanked my daughter, maaaybe 3 times between the ages of about 4 -6.
Basic, palm of hand only, through clothing, no bare bottoms, no implements, maybe 3–4 spanks.
I did swat her once with a spoon. She harbors no ill will and her opinion is that occasional spanking is not a bad thing.

I was swatted by my grandmother with a yardstick and spanked once or twice with a hairbrush as a child.

I too agree, now that I am older, that spankings are not appropriate when one can find alternatives, but, I also do not consider my childhood spankings, or those few I gave my daughter to be abuse.

Notice in the animal kingdom that nipping, swatting, cuffing, baring teeth and growling is how animal parents discipline their offspring.
Not advocating we treat our children like mama bears or mares, but….it’s a point to consider.

Not to spank. Unless someone can link me to some proof that kids become “better” people in life with less criminal convictions, bad behavior etc. if they were spanked…

The only time spanking is necessary is when a child openly rebels against non-corporal discipline. If they try to storm out of the room instead of obeying a time out order, or kick you in the shin or shout you down as you are trying to talk to them, it’s time for a spanking. That said, there is NEVER any excuse for beatings with rods, plumbing tubing, belts or paddles as has been advocated by fundamentalists Christians.

We used t have an electric fence on the property. I cautioned my kids not to touch the fence – it is hot.
When the kids were outside I would turn it off as a precaution. One day, my 2.5 year old came to me and said “The fence is not hot”. I thought “Uh oh, This needs to be addressed quickly.” I told him that most of the time it is hot but today it is not because I am working on it. It will be hot again soon. Against all my paternal instincts I turned it on, (using the low voltage, standard controller not the weeder/burn type) and let nature take its course. Sure enough I watched him sneak over there and eventually get zapped – hard. It was painful to watch but he didn’t say a word. That lesson worked. He listened .No spanking was necessary.

Actually, the biblical saying of “spare the rod, spoil the child” has been grossly mis-interpreted.
I am not a christian, but, have studied many philosophies including biblical interpretation.

In ancient times the “Rod”, was a staff, that was used for shepherding, not a weapon for beatings.

To “spare the rod” means to not utilize guidance, as a shepherd guides his flock to safety and shelter.

It means “spoiling” as in, leaving a child misguided, not “spoiled” as in bratty and insolent from a lack of beatings.

I’m firmly on the side of “not”, but I have done so on very rare occasions: once when one ran into the road (that one was instinct) and once or twice when every other disciplinary method had failed. Interestingly, spanking failed, too. Once I realized that, I never did it again.

If it’s no more effective than any other disciplinary method (which studies have shown to be the case), why cause a child unnecessary pain?

@Coloma That’s what I’ve always wondered. People really think it refers to a literal rod that you should beat your children with? I always assumed it was metaphorical as in the “rod of discipline” meaning any discipline at all, not a literal rod of corporal punishment.

Either way, I’m also on the side of “not” simply because my parents didn’t spank me or my siblings and if it worked for them and for us, I don’t see it couldn’t work in many (maybe most) other situations. However, some will claim that their kids are just different and do better with corporal punishment than without. I guess it’s hard to tell if it is truly necessary. It certainly wasn’t for my family.

It depends on the child. Some children will ignore every other reprimand but respond to a firm hand to butt spanking. Other children respond just fine to a verbal reprimand. And some children just won’t respond to any sort of reprimand on really bad days.

For me, personally, I spank occasionally, when my daughters have done something particularly bad and have failed to respond to other methods. It works for my kids when I choose to do it.

Kids are so different in attitude and personality, that I don’t think “spank them all” or “never spank at all” can be adopted.

Spanking is clearly different than beating. As other’s have said, an open palm smack on the butt is not a big deal.

As a child, we were spanked on rare occasion, and it did not really hurt.. but we would cry and carry on like crazy – mostly because of the fact that we had been punished, not that it hurt. And after a while, just the threat of being spanked was enough to keep us from doing something.

I also remember, in our following tantrums. threatening my parents that I would call the police on them. Which, in hindsight, was probably terrifying for my parents, and totally unnecessary.. It concerns me that generalizations about spanking have blurred the line between punishment and abuse in the eyes of children.

I think its not good to hit children. But I think a spank is still nothing compared to what other kids have to go through…...

The path to a civilized society is to eliminate the concept that hitting someone is the way to solve your problems. Calling it spanking instead of hitting does not work.

Oh, definitly spank, cause I’ve been a bad, bad boy!

Maybe parents ought to just use spray bottles, like we do with our cats & dogs.
Poor kids, they’ll start blinking at the sight. lol

@DominicX There was a horribly sad case in the news not long ago about a little girl who died after her parents beat her with a literal rod according to a Bible-guided parenting book they followed, well, religiously. The girl’s sister was hospitalized and almost died. The author of the book defined a rod as anything you’d use to hit a child, such as a paddle or whip or belt. But to be honest, I think someone that beats children to that extent would do so even if you took religion out of the equation. I can’t find a link to the article now.

We don’t spank our kids. They’ve never been hit by a car or burned themselves on the stove, either. When they were too little to understand why they couldn’t run toward the road or touch pans on the stove we watched them carefully. It’s a novel concept, I know. ;)

Seriously though, I have one child who, from age 1½ to 3 attempted all kinds of crazy stunts without being capable of seeing why his stunts were bad ideas. If something popped into his head, he’d do it. He could also foil any child proofing attempts we made. Baby gates and cabinet locks were no match for him. Unlocking a door? Piece of cake. Climb up anything? Absolutely. We had to take some rather drastic steps to keep him from killing himself until he was old enough to imagine consequences. At no point did we spank him. He was (is) a persistent, stubborn, willful, extremely active child. He also responded perfectly well to a stern voice and common-sense consequences. In spite of being exactly the kind of child people often describe when they say “sometimes a spanking is the only thing that works,” we managed to teach him to control his impulses and think about his actions without resorting to hitting him.

Also, he was very aggressive when he was younger. I never saw the sense in spanking him when we were always trying to get him to use words instead of hands when he was angry. Kids aren’t stupid and they can spot hypocrisy long before they can pronounce it.

I’m a firm believer in the idea that there is always an alternative to spanking. It’s not a choice between spanking and lack of discipline like sometimes people imply. I don’t think a kid will be damaged or harmed by a spanking here and there, but why do it at all if you have other options? Parents spank for two reasons: They feel like they have no other option (they are frustrated and desperate) or they lose their temper. You might claim to not spank when you’re frustrated and desperate, but would you still hit your child if you had another effective option?

I taught daycare for several years and literally could not spank or use physical punishment at all or I would have been fired. The kids in my class were toddlers—you know, the terrible twos. Consistency, clear boundaries, age-appropriate expectations, common sense, and natural consequences were the only discipline tools we had to work with. Of the dozens of kids who came and went from my class, not one had a behavior we couldn’t manage without spanking.

And finally, I remember well how my brother and I responded to being spanked. We became very careful to not get caught. I can’t think of a single thing we were spanked for that we stopped doing for fear of another spanking, and my dad’s “spankings” were pretty harsh. He had a pull your pants down and bend you over my knee and whap you with the belt approach.

@MissAusten

Aaaah..I really didn’t want to hear that. How sad, poor baby. :-(

Every child is different so each parent can only warrant what they see fit for each individual situation. Sometimes a spanking may be necessary.

My kids are 14 and 16. Never spanked either of them. They’re good kids, polite, test boundaries just enough for me to know they are teenagers, and they are trustworthy.

When people say “it depends on the kid”, I wonder why they have been ineffectively parenting prior to the age when they might spank a child. If spanking is necessary at two, what were you doing at 18 months? Teaching and discipline lovingly starts very early. You can’t allow a child free rein up to an age, and then spank the child every time they misbehave from that point on.

Uh oh…..

I don’t have children so I can’t say what I would do for discipline as a parent but I was spanked about 3 times, that I recall, as a kid. I don’t feel any resentment or trauma because of it and it did make me think before I deliberately misbehaved. I don’t think it is wise for me to say any more than that as a: I am not a parent and b: I have seen how these “to spank or not to spank” discussions on Fluther pan out!

Years ago I knew a woman and we were getting to be friends.
One day I was at her house and I don’t remember what exactly happened, but, she went after her 10 year old son with a belt.
I was shocked!
I mean, it was bad enough she was wielding this belt, but, I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to whack her kid with a belt while she had a “friend” over.

The funny thing was, it was GREAT, she took a swing at him and missed and whacked HERSELF in the leg and foot with the belt and buckle!
She crumpled on the floor! Hahaha

PERFECT, instant karma!

I wasn’t too keen on spending time with her after that. :-/

Spank. But save it for serious stuff.

Spanking Can Make Children More Aggressive Later
Corporal punishment can cause significant antisocial behavioral, such as lying, cheating, and hitting, in children as they grow older.

Spanking doesn’t work because
– it doesn’t teach children self control or what to do instead;
– it becomes less effective over time; and
– it has long-term, harmful side effects.

Most Americans Think Corporal Punishment Is OK
Sixty-five percent of Americans approve of spanking children, a rate that has been steady since 1990. But just 26 percent say grade-school teachers should be allowed to spank kids at school; 72 percent say it shouldn’t be permitted, including eight in 10 parents of grade-schoolers.

One other difference in spanking is among education groups. Among parents with college degrees, just 38 percent spank their kids; among less-educated parents, it’s 55 percent.

I believe that spanking is ok if you do it right. If you’re not causing injury (i.e. welts) then it’s ok. My little sister (6) has severe behavior problems and the only way my mom can get a handle on them is to spank her. My family doesn’t believe in spanking with hands because we don’t want her to associate my mother’s hand with getting a spank so we have an old paint stir stick that she uses. I think it’s just a matter of opinion, I don’t think there needs to be any laws or guidelines for/against it.