Social Question

Moldychesee's avatar

Helping a friend? Should I? Or is it wrong?

Asked by Moldychesee (169 points ) December 12th, 2011

Okay, well, about a year ago, I dated this guy, lets call him Liam, so Liam and I date for like 7 months. Liam dumps me, and I still love him. He goes off and dates this other girl and he has his first kiss with her. In the meantime I date this other guy who turns out to be gay.
So last week I was hanging out with Liam and I kissed him. I had never kissed him before, but I can’t get over how amazing it was. He hasn’t said anything about the kiss. He told me that he is sexually confused right now, and wants me to make out with him to figure out if it’s just a thought, a phase, or the truth. So, should I?
Thought I should mention, I am a girl, and I have never given so much as a peck on the lips.

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21 Answers

Judi's avatar

How old are you?

Moldychesee's avatar

@Judi I’m 14 and he is 14.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Let Liam experiment with some other girl. I think he’d know after kissing you if he’s really into you or not. You never kissed him and feel strongly enough about him to say you fell in love. He’s not on the same page as you.

Moldychesee's avatar

thing is, I want to help him figure himself out, I’m just not sure what the right thing to do is in this situation….

chyna's avatar

Don’t let yourself be used and that’s what he is doing, using you.

john65pennington's avatar

Chyna, I agree wih Chyna. He knows exactly what he is doing and “finding himself in you” is just a come-on line to reach third base with you.

I think you know this, but you just want us to tell you it okay to have sex with him.

Its not Okay….let him find himself with someone else. You stay a nice 14 year old girl, until you are older and the right person comes along.

CWOTUS's avatar

Before I heard your age and re-realized your relative lack of experience I was just going to say “Don’t let yourself be used in this way; he needs to figure himself out (if he really does) and who he likes.” But now that I see that you’re this young and have zero experience I have to say “No way in hell, girl.”

You’d be used, discarded and hurt at the end – and feel bad about yourself (whether you realize this yet or not) for allowing it to happen – even encouraging it. Don’t. Do not. You have a long life ahead of yourself, a lot to learn about yourself, boys and sex in general. You’ll have wonderful times with lots of boys, and hopefully a great life ahead with one special one. This isn’t the one, for certain. Don’t start your sexual / relationship history this way; you’ll regret it forever if you do.

judochop's avatar

Heck no. Let him figure it out somewhere else. You will not be doing anything for him. either he is gay or not. If he is gay, he already knows it. Trust me.

LuckyGuy's avatar

He dumped you… and now he is trying to use youl.
If he is “sexually confused” a swift kick to his balls will straighten him out.
That is all the help you should offer.

linguaphile's avatar

The words change over the years, but the intent is the same.

He wants to get cookies to take home and not have to say thank you or stay around to be nice. To him it’s just cookies- just something sweet and temporary. Except it’s not cookies, it’s your emotions.

Sunny2's avatar

You want a friends with benefits relationship? You’ve not been sexually active yet. Wait for someone more special than this guy. Wait at least until you are in love.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’d add one thing to @Sunny2 ‘s comments: Wait until you are above the legal age of consent. Please!

Moldychesee's avatar

He wants to save himself for marriage, his family is kind of religious… just so you know

bkcunningham's avatar

So, @Moldychesee, how do you think he wants you to help him figure out his sexual confusion? What is sexual confusion anyway?

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Moldychesee I’ll have to remember that line. “He wants to save himself for marriage”. In the heat of a make-out session what activities will he still consider? manual? oral? more? That is a meaningless statement – like the Promisers who engage in acts that would be illegal in some states yet claim to be be chaste and pure (and collect the reward from their parents.)
He is a clever player. He already dumped you once. This is not healthy.
Fix Liam up with the guy you dated “who turned out to be gay”. Then run as fast as you can from him. He is poison.

Do you see that quiet kid in science class? He is honest, trustworthy and has no plans to take advantage of you. He’s just too shy to talk to you. Say “hi” to him.

bkcunningham's avatar

See that quiet kid in science class? lol

LuckyGuy's avatar

@bkcunningham You know I’m right.
Sadly they don’t figure that out until after the 15 year HS reunion and the messy divorce.

CWOTUS's avatar

How different our lives might have been, @LuckyGuy (what happened to WorriedGuy?), if someone had given more girls our age that same advice back then?

What he said, girl. Look for a guy who’s not asking for the use of your body for his experimentation, but who wants to know you – just wants to know you.

bkcunningham's avatar

Absolutely, @LuckyGuy. I just loved it when I read those words. It made me smile. My husband was the audio video club geek in high school. I didn’t know him then, but he is a gem. We went to his 35th high school reunion over the summer and the photos of the boys from his club in high school didn’t match-up with the successful, funny, articulate, handsome men I met.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@bkcunningham Yep, you and I were at the same reunion! The “cool” kids who drank and smoked in HS still do and had the ill health and gaunt faces to prove it. The big sports jock was an abuser and divorced 3 times. The cool kid who drank and carried a switchblade did not attend because he was in prison for killing someone in a road rage incident. (for real!) But the quiet ‘nerd” kids, were all successful – and happily married !
I’m glad you got it. This is one of the best kept secrets in the world. Some women never figure it out.

bkcunningham's avatar

True story. A very drunk man wandered into my husband’s dance for the reunion in Northern New York. He was a happy drunk. He came up behind me at our table of friends and said he remembered me from high school but couldn’t remember my name. I’m from Virginia and obviously didn’t go to high school with my husband.

I played along for a minute and asked him his name. He stuttered and stammered for a minute and said he didn’t graduate with my class because he quit school and joined the Army because he was ready to go to jail for some trouble he’d gotten into. He’d just seen the reunion sign out front and wanted to say hello to the class he would have graduated with had he stayed in school. It was really sad to me but everyone was very polite and nice to the fellow. He looked like he was 20 years older than my husband and his friends. I have a feeling he was sexually confused when he was 14 years old.

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