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AnonymousWoman's avatar

I'm afraid of losing my best guy friend. How can I work around this fear?

Asked by AnonymousWoman (6344 points ) January 2nd, 2012

My best male friend is doing paid co op now and I feel like I might lose him, which seems ridiculous because we still chat through instant messaging sometimes.

I’m really worried I will end up losing him and that he’ll end up caring about his “work” more and forgetting about putting effort into our friendship. I’m also scared he might end up falling for some woman he works with, even though I shouldn’t be.

What sorts of things should I realize right now before I do end up pushing him away completely because of my fears and insecurities?

Have you ever had fears like this? What did you do about them?

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13 Answers

partyrock's avatar

Do you like him more than just a friend, or you are afraid he is going to get a new best friend ?

partyrock's avatar

I’ve never had a fear of losing best friends, only losing relationship partners. With friends, it’s more like jealousy. Like if my best friend starts hanging out with another girl more than me, I’ll get jealous and angry. I think the first thing is not to assume that you will potentially lose him as a friend. Already having this negative thought in your mind is saying to the universe that you kind of expect it, I think. If you guys have a strong relationship as friends then there should be no reason for you both to have a falling out.

partyrock's avatar

You just said it yourself that you guys instant message all the time! Don’t let your negative thoughts think you will lose him! If the friendship has a good foundation, even if he is busy with work, you guys can make it through. Just keep in contact. Don’t be jealous if he makes other friends because if he really does value and respect your friendship too then he won’t just leave you, you know ?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Sounds to me like you may need to get your heart broken a few times in order to get past these insecurities. Life is full of loss. Get used to it. And if you want to be a friend, then stop worrying about keeping a friend, and start concentrating more on supporting a friend, even if that means you lose them.

partyrock's avatar

The times when I did focus on “I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to lose him!” were the times when I did exactly lose a relationship, or have a relationship hit the fan….. So I know what it feels like to feel this way. With my friends now, I’ve never worried about losing them. It’s never even entered my thoughts.

I think it is awesome you want to keep the friendship though. Seems like you’re really in tune with yourself but don’t let negative thinking hinder you. Just keep on being a good friend that you are :)

partyrock's avatar

From what I know you are a GREAT person and an awesome friend !!! Please don’t worry about this, it’s just going to play with your head and make you think more… You are awesome and I’m glad I have you as a friend!

AnonymousWoman's avatar

@partyrock I do like him as more than a friend and maybe that’s where my problem is. I appreciate your thoughts. They make a lot of sense. :)

I feel like I’ll have to stop worrying about losing his friendship for my own sanity. It does seem ridiculous. He’s done co op before (in High School), but we’re still friends after that.

I think it’s just a fear of the unknown. It’s recent and new to me. That being said, he did tell me about his first day there and that did help me feel better except for the part where he told me about joking around with some girl. That’s his personality, though—he’s a joker and it’s not reasonable for me to expect to be the only girl he jokes around with. So maybe I’ll just listen. That way, it won’t be as “unknown” to me and I can still be there for him.

Thank you for your support and encouragement! :)

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I’ve had my heart broken a few times, but I manage to get through it eventually… apparently enough to the point that it seems like I never have had it broken. I like your advice, though. Thank you for telling me your opinions straight! I appreciate that.

I will be a friend and support him and enjoy my time with him, even if it is limited because of his work. :) I’m used to talking to him constantly, though, so adjusting to his schedule might not be all that easy. Things change, though, and I know I have to respect his time…

marinelife's avatar

Unless you like him as more than a friend (which it seems like you might), then your fears are groundless and more about your own insecurities than reality.

If you like him as more than a friend, then you should think about whether you want to tell him (although that could wreck the friendship). But nothing will ever change unless you tell him.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

^^ He knows already, but thanks for the advice. :)

Coloma's avatar

People come and go throughout ones life.
Everyone cycles through phases and changes and those relationships that are meant to last will, and those that are for a reason and a season fulfill a purpose too.

All you can do is let your friend know that you value him and do your part to keep the communication going, the rest is up to fate.

Remember…true love and true friendship is always about wanting the best for the other person, even if that means you don’t get what you want. ;-)

AnonymousWoman's avatar

^^ That’s a beautiful answer. It’s also advice I’ve given others (but not necessarily in the same words). It looks like it’s time for me to take my own advice (and yours also). Thank you for putting it so well in a way that I just can’t argue with. :)

AnonymousWoman's avatar

It feels odd commenting twice in a row, but I wanted to say….

I took the advice above (being supportive, being a friend, appreciating him, not being afraid, accepting that life changes, etc) and we chatted recently. I feel a lot better now. Our conversation seemed to help us become closer. The best part of that was that it didn’t feel forced. It felt natural and ended on a positive note. He definitely knows how much I value him and he seems to appreciate that also. :)

Thank you all so much!

partyrock's avatar

@AnonymousGirl – Awesome, great, I knew it would turn out fine :) Hooray!

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