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AnonymousWoman's avatar

What helps you know it is time to move on?

Asked by AnonymousWoman (6344 points ) January 6th, 2012

I am wondering because I have had trouble moving on several times in my life. I’d try to fix things that I should have left alone. I want to put a stop to this. Chasing closure isn’t always worth it.

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12 Answers

Coloma's avatar

No it’s not.

It’s the practice of the fine art of acceptance, regardless of whether you get whatever kind of closure you think you need, want or deserve.

Only very mature people are capable of ending relationships or any situation without drama, sometimes you just have to let it go, what choice do you have?

It’s not about the person or situation, it’s about making peace with yourself and accepting what is, is.

Bellatrix's avatar

Recognising when the unhappiness with my situation now outweighs any positives and being prepared to say “I am not a failure. This just didn’t work”.

Then, and especially if I am going to hurt someone, taking that step into the unknown. I think often what stops us moving on is fear of the unknown. That feeling that would have us stay where we are because it is easier than trying something new. In reality though, experience often shows (or mine has), that the place we stay in isn’t usually easier. So, being brave enough to not let fear of change stop me moving on is a big part of the process I think.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I have no clue. When I’m on the inside looking out I can’t figure it out. I can look at others and say are you clueless?

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BosM's avatar

When thoughts of moving on start it means you’re seeing the reality of your relationship and finding a better balance between the heart and mind. You need to listen to what your instincts are telling you. When a relationship is over we know in our gut that it is.

Signs of it being time to move… when you find yourself chasing love, attention, or affection because if it isn’t given freely; or, when you cease being a priority in someone’s life and it becomes clear your values, goals, and interests are no longer in sync. Think of it this way, when it’s time, you need to move on to find the one you are supposed to be with.

I read this once and it resonated with me. “When people walk away from you let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that leaves you and it doesn’t mean they are bad people, it only means their part in your story is over.” I hope this helps.

partyrock's avatar

For me I knew it was time to move on when I got really hurt to the point it wasn’t even liveable anymore. I’m speaking of my past relationship with an ex boyfriend.

I stayed longer than I should have and tried to make it work so many times. This included turning a blind eye when he cheated on me, forgiving him. And then I kept on ignoring signs and red flags. It kept on building and building up until I couldn’t take it anymore.

I was to the point of severe depression, suicidal tendencies, drop in weight, gaining back the weight, and instability… It was all too much… This went on for months and months…...... Then I just realized he will never change and I deserve better.

I got tired of being tired…..... I got sick of always feeling sick. I knew I deserved much much more than what he could give…

It took a long time though, it did not happen over night…... I’m a better person because of it.

I gained a lot of wisdom from going through that, that I could have never gotten if I didn’t go through that bad experience.

When It came to relationships something that helps me to know to move on is when I knew I didn’t deserve the shit…. I tried and tried and tried to make it work and “fix” it, and it never happened (he was still a loser!) so that’s how I knew to move on….......

Boogabooga1's avatar

Just try to think outside the square
and realise that you may live a long time and the things that stress you now will one day appear trivial.
Perspective

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@Coloma has it right when she says only emotionally mature people are good at nipping this in the bud. Even when it makes sense, not everyone can act on it. Don’t beat yourself up if you keep chasing your tail, just know the frustration and hurt will be around longer.

The best you can do during times of picking the situation apart is to write yourself a list of stuff you recognize you don’t want to do again or if you encounter it in someone else, you won’t bother with again. Get mad at the pain, make it work for you if you can by turning that energy loose on a project, chores, exercise, etc.

IzzyAndHerBeans's avatar

Sometimes moving on means realizing what you’re leaving behind. The best feeling in the world is letting go of something. You waste brain cells obsessing over something that doesn’t need to be obsessed over. I hate letting go as well, but when it comes to relationships, you have to realize letting go of someone only means someone else will be around the corner. My boyfriend dumped me yesterday and I’ve cried for like 12 hours for no reason. Sure I had feelings for him and I miss him, but I can’t let my mind occupy something that’s now in the past. Today is the 22nd of January and tomorrow is the 23rd. Yesterday is the past, and too many people don’t realize that. I think it’s easy for me to say these things and for someone to say, “it’s not as easy as you’d think.” Life is challenging, moving on is one of the hardest things one can do, but once you do, you open your eyes to what you were missing. I was involved with someone over the internet I shouldn’t have been involved with. I became severely and clinically depressed for over a year. Getting over the shlump in my life made me realize it’s okay to keep the past where it is.

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