Social Question

partyrock's avatar

How can I gain more self confidence ?

Asked by partyrock (3865 points ) January 12th, 2012

How can I get more self confidence and self esteem? Please no answers like “Just believe in yourself!”

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16 Answers

rebbel's avatar

Think deep and hard and try to find things and traits that you are good in/at and/or that you feel are positive.
There surely must be a few of those.
Judge them for what they are, positive.
You can be proud of them.
Just do it.
And whatever you do, don’t just believe in yourself. ~

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

Focus on empathy. Realize that most people, when they meet you, want a positive connection with you at least as much as you want one with them. Then compliment them. Focus on the interactions you have, and not what they are thinking about the interaction, or what they are thinking about you. If you do that, you miss the positive things they are saying.

Dump the people in your life who talk about negative things, or at least change the subject whenever they are complaining too much. They just make it easier to dwell on the negative when you are alone.

john65pennington's avatar

Simple: look in the mirror and read to yourself. If you see a person there that looks timid and shy, then go the books next chapter and change your looks as you read.

This is how people see you.

I did this for quite a while in my police uniform, until I developed a personality that the public and myself could live with.

Mr. Nice Guy came out on top and so will you.

smilingheart1's avatar

Eat more pineapple?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

I’m serious as a heart attack… Take up skateboarding.

I think skateboarding is a microcosm of life. Your natural reaction is to fear falling. You’ll try to prevent yourself from falling at all costs. In doing so, you will fall. You won’t be able to keep from falling. You will fall hard and it will hurt bad.

Then, without warning, you will learn to fall in the right way to minimize the pain.

Then, without warning, you will overcome your fear of falling altogether.

Then, without warning, you will push yourself to limits beyond what your fears would previously allow.

Then, you’ll surprise yourself with a few moves that you’ve accomplished.

Then, you’ll refine those moves, make them your own, and try newer, riskier moves.

Your fear of falling has long passed away. You are now a full fledged skateboarder. Your confidence is released upon the world to marvel upon.

slopolk's avatar

A huge part of self confidence is believing that you have it, Your attitude reflects this confidence and others can see that in you. Not to be confused with arrogance, but just ability to feel good about yourself. In other words if you believe that your all that, others will believe that your all that. If you always put yourself down and have a crappy attitude, then others will believe that your all those bad things you think you are. We are all given certain gifts some of us with good looks and others may just have the ability to make people laugh. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself, point out the obvious before someone else does.

deedee18's avatar

what i normally do is stand in the mirror naked and and find something you love about yourself. You tlk to yourself and tell youself tht you are beautiful. hug yourself, and even blow kisses at yourself. also if you have negative people around you it is time to let the, go. Surround yourself with positive people. and like slopolk said do not be afraid to laugh wth yourself. And get rid of all those magazines with those imaginary women. When all the make-up is off they don’t look so good anyways.

noodle_poodle's avatar

I’d say what your looking for is something most people spend a lifetime accumulating. Its not something that can just be picked up somewhere with an easy trick. For me I had to sit and have a long think about the person I truly wanted to be (and I dont mean fantasizing here, its no good saying i want to be kate moss but richer and expect it to make you feel good) think realistically about yourself and the things you’d like to be able to see in yourself. Start small for instance if you want to be more adventurous join a class and push yourself a little out of your comfort zone. You want to feel better about your body? Take up a sport…find things about yourself to be proud of and if you dont have any go out and try some. look forward, celebrate success and after a review of failures in order to learn from them file under H for history and leave it at that.
Hope that helps.

deedee18's avatar

@noodle_poodle you said it right

zenvelo's avatar

An old girlfriend had me stand looking at myself in the mirror after I got out of the shower every morning, and say “I love you” to the mirror twenty times in a row, every day for a month.

Sunny2's avatar

Make a chart of things you think went as well as you wanted them to. Give yourself stars if you want, just something to remind you that you did well on that day with what ever you see as a problem.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

When you come to the realization you control your feelings, not anyone else. Someone can’t make you mad, you let them make you mad. Someone can’t make you feel embarrassed, you let them make you feel embarrassed.

Pandora's avatar

Simple little things go into boosting our confidence.
1. Believe you are the best at being you.
2. Practice keeping eye contact with people. (only be aware of creeps)
3. Keep your head up. My dad use to yell at me down a street if he saw my head bow down to avoid looking at people. He use to tell me that I didn’t have any reason to walk in shame and I had every reason to be proud of who I am.
4. Keep your shoulders squared and don’t slouch. If you walk self assured you will feel confident.
5. Fake it till you make it.
6. Its not enough to act the part but to dress the part.

I remember a friend told me that he loved listening to me speak because I always sounded so confident and can sometimes be intimidating. He didn’t know I wasn’t always confident but I realized if I acted confident than that is half the battle. People bought it.
So pretend you are acting a part till you buy your own bs. You will eventually buy what you are selling and so will everyone else.
Little secret. Not everyone who acts confident, really is. They are just winging it like everyone else and hope no one will notice the small moments of insecurity.

Paradox25's avatar

I think that what you’re really looking for is increasing your self-esteem, not confidence. You’ve already mentioned quite a few things about yourself that you should be proud of, things that many other people would never dream of doing. Try to find things that interest you and do them rather than trying to conquer everything that comes in your path.

Motivation, not confidence, is everything and helps to build up your general self-esteem. I try to stay away from using the term self confidence when I can because to me it essentially does not exist since it is a relative term according to what each person is comfortable doing. Also be wary of the company you keep since negative people can definitely bring you down too.

mazingerz88's avatar

“There is nothing in the world more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. You have a moral responsibility to be intelligent.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

This book would open up great things for you too. Two words stayed with me after reading it years ago. Awareness and sincerity. Get a copy and you won’t regret it. : )

ssssanna's avatar

Love yourself for what you are and be around people who encourage you.I also believe that a good dress will make you feel more confident about yourself.Add adventures to your life,do something thrilling(without hurting anybody or yourself). The passion for trying out something new and out of the box will increase your confidence.

also the fear of others’ opinion about us is what that suppresses our confidence.Throw that fear away.Nobody is good at everything.And do not let others’ opinion pull you down.Live your life the way you want and remember that your the hero of your story.

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