If we are supposed to ignore genderization then where do we draw the line?

A couple of recent questions asked here on Fluther has brought to my attention that if I am raising my daughter as an equal to men and if I treat ladies as equals to men and vise-versa then when is it okay to say no?
Example: The ship is sinking, woman and children first or children first and then an equal amount of men and woman or free for all?
Example: You are out on a few first dates, who pays? Is the man still expected to pay?
Example: Holding the door for a lady, would you expect her to hold it for you if she got there first?

When is it ok to assume, I am the man and you are the woman so this is the way it should be? And where does that even exist anymore? How does it work in gay relationships vs. straight relationships?

It is possible that I am over thinking this but I am old fashioned yet I still expect my daughter and S.O.‘s to be equals in the relationship unless there is a factor that demands more of one than the other…Help me figure a medium out please, for conversations sake.