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mazingerz88's avatar

If Jesus and Satan were jellies, who would have more lurve?

Asked by mazingerz88 (18369 points ) January 28th, 2012

I think it’s uhmm, well…

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

46 Answers

rebbel's avatar

Jesus.
Religious Jellies would (probably) shower him with it.
Atheists though, wouldn’t (do that as much as the religious), but since they are atheists, they wouldn’t throw lurve at Satan, because according to them he, as well as Jesus, does not exist.

gailcalled's avatar

The one who was the better writer.

King_Pariah's avatar

Satan, because he’s a hell of a guy with a great sense of humor.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Whichever had the better sense of irony. Somehow, I suspect it would be a draw.

fundevogel's avatar

Purely from content, not knowing who was posting I’d bet Satan would get more.

If it was a case of two users claiming to be Jesus and Satan and posting in character…Satan would get lurve for sure, but the Jesus guy might just come off as a twat or a kook. After all, there is no shortage of guys claiming to be Jesus out there.

If we somehow knew for a fact who they were? Remember all those religious rows we used to have all the time? More of that. Except then it isn’t I believe/I don’t believe it’s “yeah you exist, but why should I support you and your religious agenda?” They both rack up tons of lurve.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Satan could take on the form of Jesus and anyone, so the lurve would go there without anyone knowing who is behind it!!!!!

thorninmud's avatar

New users who pop up on Fluther and ask people to “follow them” don’t seem to last long, so that might be Jesus’ undoing. Satan would score big by making snarky comments at theists.

YoBob's avatar

Neither. The rest of the jellies would drive them out, Jesus because he is a religious fundamentalist and Satan because he isn’t liberal enough when it comes to that whole crime and punishment thing.

fundevogel's avatar

@YoBob You know that’s the job God gave him right? It wasn’t actually his idea.

cookieman's avatar

I don’t know, but I’m certain every single one of Satan’s questions would begin with “NSFW”.

fundevogel's avatar

@cprevite You think he would gave a warning?

Blackberry's avatar

@fundevogel No, he would troll the hell out of us, get banned, and keep coming back under different names.

jerv's avatar

@Blackberry Why not? He has many; Lucifer, Belial, Abbadon, Newt, Rush…

Seriously though, I think that while Jesus would get lurve based solely on who he is, but Satan would get more based on merit. In practical terms, lurve is based on wit and intellect, not on wisdom and threatening to have your dad do bad things to your soul.

Charisma plays a role, but I think it’s a wash. Jesus convinced people that he was the son of God while Satan managed to get God to mess with Job. (Then again, maybe God would’ve tormented ob that way anyways jsut for fun; he seems like a bastard…)

TheIntern55's avatar

I think if Satan and Jesus were on Earth together, we’d have alot more serious problems like, oh, I don’t know, perhaps an impending apocolypse?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

There would be no lurve, because they would keep at each other until Fluther imploded, and life as we know it would be at a standstill.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Satan – he lives a far more interesting life. And as master of the underworld, he comes across a whole lot of people with great stories to tell.

AshLeigh's avatar

Would we know that they were Satan, and Jesus? Or would we think they’re just another Jelly? I think our knowledge, or lack there of, would greatly impact the amount of lurve we throw at them.

Jeruba's avatar

I think both of them would sound like nut cases to us. So it would probably be whichever one we found more entertaining.

My guess is that Satan would score more GQs, but they’re worth fewer points. Jesus would probably get tons of lurve for sympathetic answers to all the woe-is-me questions. He would also help out with cat problems, relative problems, and authority problems. Satan, on the other hand, would probably have several accounts so he could game the system and give himself points.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m sitting here wondering if I remind people more of Satan or Jesus. I’m guessing Satan. Based on that, I’m thinking Satan would get more lurve.

On the other hand, @marinelife reminds me more of Jesus.

Maybe it would be a toss-up.

Incoherency_'s avatar

If jesus has less than 602 lurve, then at least Satan Jr. currently has more lurve. ;-)

Blondesjon's avatar

Jesus.

Satan uses Yahoo! Answers.

SuperMouse's avatar

Satan would definitely have more lurve, but Jesus would forgive him for it.

flutherother's avatar

Satan would walk away with it. Jesus would be too predictable and boring.

fundevogel's avatar

Well apparently Satan is a member. A lame member that hasn’t logged in since he registered. Lord of Darkness, you disappoint me.

rebbel's avatar

@fundevogel Good find!
I wonder how many Jesuses we will see join now?!

Edit: Oh my…., Satan was just followed.

jerv's avatar

@rebbel That depends on how many Mexicans suddenly find Fluther. I am not a religion person, but I find myself seeking Jesus at least twice a week. He’s the best welder we have where I work.

flutherother's avatar

The evil is stirring. Satan has seduced two jellies already though he hasn’t even posted. And still no sign of Jesus.

dappled_leaves's avatar

I would probably follow both Satan and Jesus. But which of them would follow me?

cockswain's avatar

After much thought, I can’t guess. Both are probably really cool and clever. I’m thinking Satan would do way better with the younger ladies, but Jesus would be amazing at so many of the relationship and personal questions. Not to mention the religious ones. I don’t know. I guess I’ll vote for Jesus!

digitalimpression's avatar

Satan.. because he’d be the asshole who said “Nice Pajamas” and got 43 lurve.

Jesus would write out a thoughtful 6 paragraph answer that people would skip over because it was too long.

fundevogel's avatar

No colossal squid for the J-man.

Symbeline's avatar

Sailormoon would own both those fucksacks.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@Symbeline Sailor Moon FTW.

Symbeline's avatar

Hell yeah.

smilingheart1's avatar

Satan would get more lurve because he would respond according to what you wanted to hear. He has the size of spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down as much off the prescription as anyone of us personally needs to pacify us and help us through the night.

Jesus would say unless you eat my truth you cannot see my kingdom. So….instead of lurve, Jesus would be getting @Jesus…...on whose authority do you get off saying these things….would be quite long threads. And guess what, Jesus wouldn’t answer.

Symbeline's avatar

@digitalimpression I’m actually Stephen King.

digitalimpression's avatar

@Symbeline What’s the difference?

Symbeline's avatar

Exactly.

I don’t know how to make a grin emoticon.

FutureMemory's avatar

Isn’t Satan older than Jesus?

I vote for the Master of all that is Unholy since he’s been here longer :D

cazzie's avatar

I am loving these answers. Well thought out and just my kind of cynical.

I am an atheist, but like all science and fact-based thinkers, I am willing to change my mind given the proof. If Jesus showed up, I think I would dig his groove. He is famed for his kindness, forgiveness, generosity and free healthcare. As long his posts weren’t too long and predictable, I would send him tonnes of lurve. Heck, I would tune in just to wait for the next miracle!

I am, however, guilty of the mortal sin of pride, so I think of myself as too smart to fall for ol’ Beelzebub’s tricks. We would just have to make sure that there weren’t two personas logging in claiming to be Jesus and writing contradictory things. That whole ‘false prophet’ thing sounds like a real trap. The mods would have to keep an eye out for that sort of thing and nip it right in the bud.

FutureMemory's avatar

Auggie cracks the whip on Jesus!

Symbeline's avatar

@FutureMemory Satan is to Jesus as Skeletor is to He Man! :D

FutureMemory's avatar

Skeletor was such a meanie :(

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