Would you go back to an amazing [man] knowing that you might have a harder break-up in the future?
Here’s the deal:
Last summer I started dating this amazing man. It was the best relationship I’ve ever had, and I care deeply about him. I left the town he lives in in December, but through January we still talked regularly and saw each other once.
However, I just moved to Europe for several months. It was clear that that was going to be the end of it, since I wasn’t planning on going back to his town (a summer tourist town good for working) ever again. We had a heartfelt goodbye, and I wrote him a long corny love note.
Now, I’m thinking about going back. If I do, there’s a 90% chance we’ll get back together, for at least another six months. As I see it, one of three things would happen:
1. I’d decide to move somewhere again, and we’d have a confusing and sad goodbye process strung out over a few months again.
2. I wouldn’t leave, and if we broke up it’d be because we didn’t want to be together anymore, which would be way harder.
3. Be together forever.
I’m not completely convinced that he’s my dream man. I’m only 23 so I don’t want to rush to that conclusion. He’s 37 (and a total sweetheart, nothing weird there!). If we don’t get back together ever, it will be a memory of a wonderful relationship, and we will probably stay in touch on friendly terms. If we do get back together but then break up because of non-geographic reasons, that will really suck.
Sorry there are so many details, has anyone been in what might be a similar situation? Hard to be both a gypsy and a romantic!
Thanks.
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8 Answers
I would let that be that, and just write an ultimate song about it.
I’m going to say no. Here’s why. There is a huge age gap between you and this fellow. You are just starting your adult life, he’s entering middle age. He’s had lots and lots of experiences that you have not, so you will always be in different places. And his experiences were all from a very different era.
Also, partly because you are so young, have not figured out yet, what you really want, where you really want to live, or what type of person you really want to be with.
You had a lovely romance with this fellow, but it sounds kind of doomed from the start. I don’t like the idea of getting together with people, pretty much already knowing that it’s going to end.
I would have a different answer if you said, that you had been around the world and sowed your wild oats and you have a very clear idea of what you want and where you want to be. You still have a lot of living to do, which is great, but why create heartache for yourself and this fellow???
I would also have a different answer if you said that you were 30 (which would make him about 44). Because by the time most people are 30, they have had enough experiences, good and bad to have a pretty good idea of what is important to them. And once people are really adults then the age differences don’t cause as much of a problem. I’m not saying that you aren’t an adult, but your life will change dramatically between 23 and 30, his life won’t have a lot of dramatic changes between 37 and 44 (unless they are the results of trauma).
Yeahh you’re right, @Kardamom, and well said. I think I know that that’s right, but it’s hard to let go!
@sliceswiththings You are lucky that you have a wonderful and sweet memory. I don’t doubt that this guy is terrific, but you two are on separate planes of life. At least, when you are my age (48 if anybody cares) you will have some terrific stories to tell the younger folks about this fellow. Most of my female friends have lots of yucky tales to tell about the men-folk who have passed through our lives. LOL.
Have a great life! And no one says that you can’t be great friends with this fellow : )
I would want to see a relationship where I still cared about the guy and was thinking of him through to the end (or maybe not end).
Good guys and good relationships do not come along that often.
I’m siding with @marinelife on this one.
You’re not a child. There are three goals that every free adult should try to accomplish: find the right work to do, find the right place to live, and find the right person(s) to share your life with. Very few people get all three right.
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