If friendly advanced aliens land at the UN, and ask us to tell them a little about ourselves...

I would tell them the same thing I tell my kids: The shit on television isn’t real.

Don’t judge us by the state of the world. Our world leaders and business leaders are greedy dicks who only care about accumulating wealth and power even if it destroys the earth and everyone else’s quality of life in the long run. The rest of us (who are poor and powerless) are all intelligent, creative, caring, and friendly people.

Don’t trust that Guide: we are not only “mostly harmless”.

@filmfann LMAO, I wish I could give you extra points for the most awesome answer I’ve read in a while.

As Jules Siegel said in his essay in the August 1977 Playboy (and which I have recalled to this day – and which I use to illustrate the fact that at least sometimes I used to read Playboy for the articles): Kill Them and Eat Them.

I do not get why they would care about us unless they are deciding whether or not they want us around any longer. ;)

If they land at the UN we are all doomed because a bunch of political pundits are not the best representation of humanity.

Perhaps I am jaded but I think that our best bet to remain around is to emphasize that we are a world that can evolve and become better if just given the chance. That someday the minority who feels that metal dug from the ground is not as important as relieving the suffering of humans and other creatures might prevail over the greedy bastards who prefer to stomp over the suffering of the masses in order to obtain power and wealth.

Welcome to Earth, it is a real pleasure to meet you, we have actually been trying to make contact with extraterrestrial life for a long time now.

Well, what can we tell you. We are a fairly advanced civilization, while we are not capable of light speed travel as you obviously are, we do have computers capable of billions of calculations per second.

We have learned to use what we call the scientific method to discover ways of improving our life, and it seems to be going well for us, even if many of us do still prefer to wish for things to be granted by a magical entity. hehe

Umm, oh yea… we have recently discovered how to save lots of time by poisoning ourselves and our planet. For example, instead of walking or using horses and carts we now use combustion engines, and we now have microwave technology that lets us heat up frozen food real fast. Instead of burning wood like savages to heat our houses we now use a thing called air conditioning, and we have also learned how to burn fossil fuels to power devices such as dishwashers and refrigerators. Now that we have more free time we can spend longer watching TV.

I know that sounds a little bad, but we do have our priorities. For example we can use some of that free time to make progress in the field of medicine. We have learned that there is lots of money to be made by testing substances on animals, and then paying poor people to test the cool substances so we can decide who to sell it to.

We have also implemented a more modern taxation system that allows us to spend time and money perfecting our weapons so that we can take over the less developed parts of our planet, this has also shown to be very profitable.

Wait! where are you going?

Don’t leave!!! We still have to tell you about our refined torture techniques like water boarding, its more civilized than traditional torture.

Did I mention many of us don’t even believe the combustion engines are what is poisoning our planet? was it the planet poisoning part that upset you?

Come back! We forgot to tell you about our clever vote manipulating techniques!

Oh gosh, I can just imagine a situation like this turning into something from Season 1 of the new Doctor Who.

We dislike anyone who is different from our selves.

There two main groups of people that tell lies about each other. One group is called Republicans and the other is called Democrats. Each of us has to decide which group to belong to and play along with the game of deceit. It is so bad that few people can even tell political facts from fiction anymore. It is no wonder our economy is in free-fall heading toward complete destruction.

The only times when our country unites together is when we are attacked by a hostile enemy. We are a strange species not like any other. We are at our very best when things are worst

A general view of our species… we are, incredibly cruel, violent, despicable, and stupid

At the same time, we are loving, kind, compassionate, noble, and wise. We are, a contradictory species.

We don’t entirely know why we’re here, so we spend a lot of time warring, and declaring, and arguing, and creating, and sorting, and exploring, and searching, and enslaving, and obeying, and legislating, and deciding, and wondering, and fighting, and struggling, and hoping.

Some of what we do, is beautiful.
...

It’s not just us on this Earth.

I’d point at myself & mouth at the TV “what me, you talkin to me?”

The UN actually has a space ambassador (Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist who also is or was the head of the UN’s Office for Outer Space Affairs) who’s responsibility it is to act as liason with aliens should they ever land. So hopefully she has thought about this and made a few notes.

I’ll tell them meet me in Fluther. And the more lurve they give me, the more intelligent they become. : )

You mean we would have to trust the jokes at the UN to be our international spokespeople? Boy are we screwed!!

@MollyMcGuire whats more scary the fact the UN will be talking to aliens or the fact they already have an office for outer space afairs?