Social Question

AnonymousWoman's avatar

Do you automatically assume someone is jealous of you if he or she does not like you? If so, why?

Asked by AnonymousWoman (6339 points ) February 19th, 2012

Since when is jealousy the only possible reason to explain why someone does not like someone? Isn’t that arrogant to assume someone must be jealous of you just because he or she is not very fond of you? What if it is your attitude that caused the dislike in the first place? Why does dislike have to have anything to do with jealousy?

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16 Answers

Judi's avatar

I never thought that. I know that’s what some parents tell their children so they don’t feel bad, but I was never told that. As a child I just assumed that some people were just mean.

ucme's avatar

Nah, I just figure they have bad taste.

woodcutter's avatar

If someone doesn’t like me I’m pretty sure I’ve given them at least one reason for it. I have also been through the jealousy drama but it wasn’t obvious that was the deal until that little bird talked.

Jeruba's avatar

Oh, goodness, no. I simply don’t expect to be to everybody’s taste, and I’m not sure I could live with myself if I were.

It’s a bit disappointing to like someone who doesn’t like me, but that happens. I feel free to go ahead and like them anyway.

Sometimes, though, if you look beneath the negative feelings you’ll find not jealousy (or envy, which is what I think you mean) but hurt. We really don’t know how often, by a thoughtless word or an unintentional oversight that’s taken as a slight, by some chance omission or commission, we cause someone pain. When the person takes it to heart and holds onto it, that’s a much more likely cause of apparent dislike than envy, it seems to me.

augustlan's avatar

I’ve never thought so, but I have known one or two people in my life who did think everyone was ‘just jealous’ of them. It’s a little amusing, from the outside. If so many people don’t like you, isn’t it more likely that you’re just… unlikable? I wonder if, deep inside, they know that and are just using it as a defense mechanism.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

Of course not. I can’t imagine why anyone would not like me though. :)

soulrhapsody's avatar

It really depends on the situation, your first impression or perhaps a pet peeve a person has with someone he dislikes.

downtide's avatar

Jealousy would be absolutely the LAST thing on my mind. I don’t have anything for anyone else to be jealous of.

marinelife's avatar

I never would be likely to think of jealousy. I figure we just don’t take to each other.

SpatzieLover's avatar

I try not to assume anything about anyone I’ve just met. I do my best to keep my opinion about them open.

If someone new appears to not like me, I tend to think either they’re not into gaining new friends, or I’m not the type of person they want to befriend.

I would not take it personally.

zenvelo's avatar

Jealousy is way down the list, I can’t really think of anything that would cause someone to be jealous of me.

It may even be a bit narcissistic to even think that people are jealous of one’s self.

stardust's avatar

Jealousy? No
Off their rocker for disliking me? Of course!

Paradox25's avatar

Oh man, the reasons for this can be quite variable. There are people out there who are usually always respectful, courteous, and will even take the shirts off of their backs for others and perhaps those types of uncombative individuals just can’t perceive why some people, if not many others do not like them so now we start to analyze why they don’t llike us. From the type of person that I’ve just described perhaps they can’t perceive of anything else than the that must be a hateful person, a jealous person, etc since many people by instinct just can’t fanthom how others can dislike them. My latter statement holds true for both combative and noncombative people too.

In the end the answer to this question has nothing to do with jealousy, but has everything to do with living in a world full of many personalities where it is important for most people to be accepted and liked by others. Nobody wants to be a potential target by others either, in which being disliked can be a definite precurser of. I think that most of us fear why we are not liked too, since as humans we need to think there must be a reason for everything. By default instinct we don’t want that potential reason (at least in our own minds) to mean that the other person/s may cause us some type of harm, whether physically or mentally, because they don’t ‘like’ us. This is why I usually emphasize the importance of self-esteem and learning to like yourself while not being too dependent upon others for our inner happiness.

YARNLADY's avatar

I have thought that from time to time, especially as a child, but as an adult, I just assume they have a narrow point of view.

linguaphile's avatar

I agree that “jealousy” is overused and can be a very simplistic, generalized response to a much more complicated situation. When people say, “Oh, she’s just jealous of you,” my first reaction is to scoff and say, “It’s not that simple,” because I really think it never is that simple.

If someone doesn’t like me, that’s just fine—we basically just don’t fit each other’s way of thinking. But… if someone goes out of their way to hurt me, destroy my work environment, destroy any of my support systems or social structures, or do anything to me that takes away from my quality of life but does not benefit theirs in any way I do wonder what the hell for? Jealousy or feeling threatened seems like an obvious explanation, but I still think it’s more than just that.

Jeruba's avatar

You’re jealous if your sweetie has been showing too much interest in someone else.

You’re envious if someone has something you wish were yours, such as good looks, talent, or wealth.

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