Social Question

Ela's avatar

Do you ever go through your partner's wallet/purse?

Asked by Ela (6208 points ) February 23rd, 2012

Do you ever go through your partner’s wallet or purse without their knowledge?
I took my son out tonight so he could buy a wallet and I got to thinking…
I never went through my ex’s wallet and whenever he asked me to get something out of it, I felt weird doing so.
Have you, or would you go through your SO’s purse/wallet without their permission or knowledge?

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57 Answers

Haleth's avatar

No. That would be a huge breach of trust. Same with going through internet/cell phone history.

deni's avatar

I love looking at what people have in their wallets. I always ask (not like “Hey whats up how are you, can I inspect your wallet?”) but more like if they have it out and I see something that looks neat in it, I like to take a gander. No one ever cares. I think wallets are like you in a tiny little nutshell, or they can be. Business cards, little notes, clippings, coupons, whatever the hell else. It’s kinda cool. So yeah I’ve looked through boyfriends and friends wallets before but not in a snoopy bad way. What you could have in your wallet that would be like, embarassing to be seen, I don’t even know?

YARNLADY's avatar

Not usually, each of us knows where we keep things and it’s faster to just ask. Snooping? Not necessary, we have no secrets.

blueiiznh's avatar

I never did and never would do that to anyone. Same goes for their phone, email, etc.

To me it is an invasion of their personal space.

Even if asked to get something in it, I would just fetch it and hand it to them.

HungryGuy's avatar

If she’s just a weekend play partner, then of course not. That’s a horrible thing to do!

But if she’s a permanent slave (or at least until she requests emancipation), then her body is my property (and everything she brings with her also becomes my property). Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!

SpatzieLover's avatar

Go through? No.

Go into to put in cash or take out a card I needed? Yes.

My husband & I have different sleep schedules. There are times I need his info or he needs mine.

rebbel's avatar

Since my girlfriend and I have nothing to hide for each other we are comfortable with each other’s wallets, but I would not go through any thing of her belongings without her knowledge.
It would feel as if I would go through my own moral standards cabinet only to find that something was out of place there.

Sunny2's avatar

Only if I need money and have asked first.

SuperMouse's avatar

I go into my man’s wallet quite often. He doesn’t ever go into mine. For us it is really a matter of convenience, it is easier for me to get stuff out then it is for him. I wouldn’t have any problem with him going through anything of mine though and I believe he feels the same. As @YARNLADY says, we have no secrets. At least not secrets that can be found in either of our wallets.~

Ela's avatar

I would usually do the same @blueiiznh, fetch and let them get it out.
Getting into for any reason makes me uncomfortable @SpatzieLover
It doesn’t make me feel because I think they are hiding anything @rebbel, it’s just a personal space, imo

Ela's avatar

I never have any secrets either @SuperMouse but I never liked it when he would get into my purse. I guess being married or shacking up, it seems like not much is truly yours and that’s one thing that is (if that makes any sense).

SuperMouse's avatar

@EnchantingEla actually yes, that makes perfect sense! I do struggle with the feeling that I don’t have much of anything that is just mine, so I can totally relate.

Blackberry's avatar

Never, that’s pretty bad.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Getting into for any reason makes me uncomfortable @SpatzieLover

We share everything. There’s no weirdness about me going into his wallet or him going into my purse…

Now, if he touches the piles on my desk, that is another matter ;) I know where things are.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Never even thought of it. I’ll get her keys out sometimes in the winter to start the car, but that’s it.

Earthgirl's avatar

I have done it in the past but only because I had a very strong reason to suspect he was cheating on me. was it before or after I accidentally found the Valentine in the glove compartment? hmmmm….
And totally shamelessly went through his pockets after I found a picture of a girl signed all lovey-dovey….and then there was the homemade apple pie that showed up in our kitchen…hmmm
After that, it was history for him!
not talking about my current husband, obviously

mrrich724's avatar

Nope. I don’t care what’s inside it. I trust her completely. If anything, I’d go in it and be mad that her receipts aren’t organized and that she’s carrying too much junk around! LOL

I’ve been in it WITH her knowing, like when she asks me to get her cell for her.

LuckyGuy's avatar

No.
Mine is actually dangerous.

Ponderer983's avatar

I did once because I suspected he was lying. I was rather convinced, and sure enough, there was his marriage certificate. But he is the only one I ever felt the need to do that to.

cookieman's avatar

Nope. In fact, if my wife asks me to get something out of her purse, I’ll often just hand her the whole bag.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Never!

I have gone through it at her request to help her find something she needed urgently.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Nope. Either I can trust her completely, or I can’t. Either way it will come out eventually… I don’t need to snoop, the government does more than enough of that already.

Jeruba's avatar

No. Never. Not ever. Even when he sends me to his wallet I don’t like to open it. Same with desk drawers, briefcases, clothes pockets (exception: laundry time), and anything else that might reasonably be deemed private.

And he stays clear of my purse as well as all those other places.

He knows he is perfectly welcome to look. And he won’t. Same for me. We respect one another’s privacy even though neither of us is hiding anything.

tranquilsea's avatar

No and I know my hubby doesn’t go through my purse either. Anytime I direct him to grab something he needs out of my purse he gets flustered.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

No, I’ve never thought about going through his wallet. I don’t imagine he has ever gone through mine either. My guess is we both carry a pretty unentertaining wallet.

xnightflowerx's avatar

No. I feel weird even touching someone’s wallet or purse. If I was asked to get something from it, sure that’s fine.

And I hate it when people mess with my stuff. Maybe there’s a bunch of weird junk in there, but its my weird junk and I want it to be wherever I put it. lol. Be it in my purse or on my bookcase or in a certain box or whatever.

ucme's avatar

No <<<<< The very definition of less is more.

partyrock's avatar

It would be a lie if I said I have never looked through his wallet. Yes. But only once or twice in the entire relationship.

Wallets aren’t all that interesting, and I was looking just to see what I would find. I was 20 during that time. I won’t look through a person’s personal things again.

partyrock's avatar

Men always have the same things—credit cards, receipts, a condom, that’s about it.

Women always have the same thing too in their purse (my friends anyway who live in LA)—- makeup, credit card, tampon,cell phone, tissue, gum, perfume, etc.

ratboy's avatar

Of course—that’s where the money is.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@partyrock I keep all kinds of things in my wallet: wire, snap off razor blades, pins, p-38 tool, button cell, band-aids, retro-reflector strips, capacitor, etc…. All together they probably take up less space than a credit card but they sure are useful when you need them.

augustlan's avatar

I have in the past, when I had good reason to be suspicious. It’s not something I felt good about, that’s for sure. Now, if I need something from my husband’s wallet or he needs something from my purse, we do go ahead and get it. No snooping, though.

cazzie's avatar

We have nothing to hide from each other, so we can go into each others stuff and not be embarrassed. I often have to go through his travel bags and unpack them and wash his clothes because he never does. If he has something to hide, he would start doing it himself, THEN I would get suspicious. I also have to open his mail for him to make sure I can bring urgent things to his attention, else he wouldn’t see it. He not only ignores his mail, he ignores bills unless I put them right under his nose and watch him pay them. He regularly takes stacks of things out of his wallet and sets them down on tables, dressers, windowsills, or I find them in his pants when I go to wash them. I have to look through them to make sure he has all his travel receipts and reports. I’m the mom, secretary, confessor, quasi-shrink and cheerleader. I don’t do this stuff because I want to do it. I do it because I have to. My motivation isn’t to find incriminating evidence. It’s to save his ass.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@LuckyGuy P-38 tool! Cool. I’m guessing two percent of the jellies got that.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

My husband and I have no problem getting into each others’ wallets. There’s nothing in there that needs to be “hidden”, and it just doesn’t seem like a big deal to us. He’ll get in mine to pull out cash or borrow the bank card, and I’ll get into his to do the same.

Sometimes, as a joke, when he pulls his wallet out I’ll snatch it away and pretend I’m poking through it, saying things like, “You’re stashing money, aren’t you?” or “Where is your girlfriend’s number? I need to talk to her.”

There have also been times that he really was “stashing” money for a special trip and he told me to go through his wallet and get it out while he was driving or something. Meh, we don’t care.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe You know it and know how useful it is. I have it clipped and taped with electrical tape over one of the card slots. Wasn’t it Archimedes who said “Give me a place to stand and a P-38 and I shall move the Earth.”?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@LuckyGuy Yup. A P-38 or some warm Brie.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe

Or an enraged gerbil.

cazzie's avatar

@CaptainHarley that basically describes all lemmings. They are hilarious. Always mad.

Leanne1986's avatar

I’ve never gone through his wallet, phone, work bag, computer or anything like that and I wouldn’t do so without his permission. I have had someone go through my phone and it pissed me right off when I found out!

I love when people say “we have no secrets”! The whole point of a secret is that you wouldn’t know about it if someone was keeping a secret. I trust my boyfriend not to lie to me and, as far as I know, there are no secrets in our relationship (hence why I have never felt the need to go through his wallet) but, if the secret is good enough, I’ll never really know.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@cazzie

LOL! An enraged lemming? : D

Earthgirl's avatar

LuckyGuy You forgot the duct tape! so much can be done with duct tape, even fashionlike this
You strike me as a MacGyver type.

CaptainHarley's avatar

My wife keeps threatening me that she’s going to tie me to the bed so I can’t escape using duct tape and bungee cords! LOL!

Earthgirl's avatar

CaptainHarley Seriously?? Why the hell have you been trying to escape? Playing hard to get ,eh?

Bellatrix's avatar

Somehow I don’t think the Captain is complaining ;-)

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Earthgirl

I wish you hadn’t asked that question! Heh!

blueiiznh's avatar

GQ the more I read it.
Why do some people think that just because you are a couple gives you the right to intrude into anothers personal space. I suspect they use it as an excuse because they have an issue with control or jealousy. One has to also trust and show trust and respect of personal space if you want to grow as a couple.
once you have that, then you can have the play with the duct tape @CaptainHarley

Earthgirl's avatar

blueiiznh I for one do not think it gives me the “right” to go through his things. We were living together and all signs pointed to him cheating on me. I asked him directly and he denied it. It would be natural to want proof before you leave someone on a suspicion. Jealousy is quite a green eyed monster and has induced some people to do horrible things without having any proof at all (read Othello,lol) I loved him and wanted to stay with him, but I needed to know the truth to protect myself. there is this thing called AIDS, I’m sure you have heard of it
I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want to totally be with me. That is why eventually I left him. It turned out that he was having multiple affairs.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I just want to point out that there is a difference between “sneaking” through your partner’s wallet, and getting into it on an invitation basis. I wouldn’t sneak off with my husband’s wallet while he’s sleeping and just start going through it, but we do often tell each other things like, “Hey, grab my wallet and get such and such out of it for me, please.” We’re in each others’ wallets fairly often, but we both know about it and we’re both totally okay with it.

My husband has even gone through my purse when he’s looking for something he thinks may be in there. Things may be a little disorganized when he’s done, lol, but the fact that he gets in my purse doesn’t bother me at all. He doesn’t do it to be sneaky or invade my space, which to me anyway, makes all the difference.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@blueiiznh

LMAO! Um… where did you say you lived? ; ))

blueiiznh's avatar

@CaptainHarley how was the duct tape for you?

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