General Question

mdy's avatar

What does it mean when a guy you met once at a party keeps sending you cake every 4 months over the course of 2 years, but otherwise does not get in touch at all? And doesn't ask you out either...

Asked by mdy (1135 points ) June 27th, 2007

Would love to hear from both guys and gals.

Guys -- why do you think another guy would be doing this?

Gals -- how would you feel if you were the girl in question?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

127 Answers

ben's avatar

When you say "cake" do you mean literal, frosting-covered cake?

mdy's avatar

Yes -- literally cake.

andrew's avatar

Sounds like he's a real creep, to me. Who sends multiple cakes?

Is he the most shy person ever? Or creepy?

segdeha's avatar

My guess, qualified as it is by not knowing either of the parties involved, is that he's madly in love with you, but has frighteningly serious issues. Either that or he has your address confused with his mother's.

andrew's avatar

Have you attempted to call him? And what kind of cakes are they? If they're red velvet, then you'd better drop everything and get married.

ezraglenn's avatar

is it good cake? do you eat it? did he mention the cake when you met him? Do you ever send anything in response?

samkusnetz's avatar

this is peculiar behavior, but i don't think it necessarily indicates a dangerous personality. my advice: confront the guy. say something like, "dude! why are you only communicating with me via cake?" if you are compassionate but firm, you might get a straight answer.

but one way or another, this is very odd and i've never heard of anything like it. please keep us posted.

hossman's avatar

This may be the sort of thing you really don't want to know the answer to, like peeking in the kitchen of that Thai restaurant you really liked. Safest bet? Move.

hossman's avatar

On the other hand, I actively encourage anyone to send me quarterly peach cobblers, with a bonus tiramisu at New Year's.

mdy's avatar

@andrew -- I've never heard anyone else have this experience, frankly. He didn't seem shy at the party when I met him. And no, I've never tried to call him nor have I initiated any conversations with him. Only met him that one time at that party. He hasn't tried to call me either, although he apparently got my mobile number from a common friend, so he knows my number. I also assume he got my address from that common friend.

@seqdeha -- Madly in love seems unlikely, but I don't know him well enough to know for sure. haha! I'm certain he's not confusing my address with someone else's -- he sends sms to tell me he's dropping off cake whenever he's about to bring one over. I'm normally not home when it arrives, so I don't see him. I just sms him back to thank him and tell him politely that he really shouldn't have bothered.

@ezraglenn -- it's pretty darned good cake! Store-bought, but usually one of those fancier, expensive kinds. Tastes great. Kinda bad for my figure, though. :-)

@samkusnetz -- I'm really tempted to do that, just ask him straight out what's going on with this strange behavior. But, I'm kinda wary about doing it because I have no idea how he's going to react.

@hossman -- I seriously hope I don't have to move! And I also hope someone gets you your peach cobblers. :-)

mdy's avatar

@andrew -- I forgot to add that when I asked that common friend about him, he says he doesn't know cake guy very well, that at best he's just an acquaintance. And that as far as he knows, cake guy is seeing someone.

Tennis5tar's avatar

They have either never been in a relaionship... or somebody's got themselves a stalker! Maybe you should say you've become allergic to wheat and cannot eat any of the cakes. If he starts bringing you some other form of dessert... worry!

philcampbell's avatar

he works at a cake shop and your in his circle of friends that he sends weird things too.

gailcalled's avatar

Creepy, whatever the circumstances. I would put a stop to it, nicely at first and then severely, if necessary.

lilakess's avatar

you have to ask him what's going on. Don't worry how he'll react. I love baking cakes for people but he's not baking them himself, then I'm not sure what he's doing. Maybe he thinks he's doing you a favor somehow, but you have to know. Once you get a response of some kind, you'll know the move you have to make.

omgDarkWillow's avatar

Yeah, and that's not the tiniest bit creepy..did you eat the cake?

mdy's avatar

@Tennis5tar -- supposedly at the time we met over a year ago he was seeing someone already. Learning that confused me because why go through this cake thing if he's involved with someone else?

@philcampbell -- I guess that's possible although based on what I know of him, he's more likely to own a cakeshop than work at one.

@gailcalled -- Frankly, the only thing that keeps me from being totally creeped out is the fact that after a cake arrives, there's total silence from the guy until a few months later, when the next cake arrives. In the interval between cakes, I try not to think about it too much, hoping that he'll just stop and that the latest cake will be the last.

@lilakess -- I guess you're right; I won't know unless I ask. I sometimes think he might just be playing mind games with me with this whole cake thing -- you know, being strange and mysterious to make me curious. That's also one more reason why I haven't just asked him outright what's going on.

@omgDarkWillow -- yes, ate a slice of each cake. Also shared them with family and sometimes with officemates. It was all good stuff.

One of my friends says her theory is that this guy isn't completely happy with whatever girl he's seeing, and that this cake-giving thing is just his way of staying on my radar while he decides whether or not to work things out with his current girlfriend. Kinda like a way of keeping me on his "fall back" list.

I'm not sure I completely buy that line of reasoning. I mean -- Do guys actually think along those lines, or is my friend just over-interpreting and over-analyzing the situation?

Tennis5tar's avatar

This has to be the most amusing question on fluther! It brings back bad memories of being 10 and having a boy a year younger than me give me random things, like rose quartz. He was the boy who always had food on him... does your guy wear food as well as give it to you?!
Maybe you should ask him about it in aj okey kind of manner and see how he reacts. If he laughs, it's clear he is embarrased and has just realised how wierd it actualy is. If he remains dead serious... run for the hills, my friend!

gailcalled's avatar

mdy, remember that not thinking about it and hoping that this will stop is not pro-active behavior and may well not be in your best interests. Run for the hills is good advice. It may be that paying attention to him and asking him questions will reenforce what may be a "connection" he "thinks" he has w. you.

I had a stalker in college; it seemed harmless at first, but then my father brought in the heavy guns, thank goodness.

mdy's avatar

@Tennis5tar -- Beyond the time we first met at that party over a year ago, I've not seen him... so I don't have an opportunity to ask him face-to-face and gauge his reaction to my question. Heck, that party was so long ago that I can't even remember what he looks like!

@gailcalled -- you make a very valid point. I'm definitely not taking charge of the situation right now. The thing is -- this has been going on for almost two years and so far the entire situation *has* been harmless (although admittedly creepy).

Anyway, I just want to say -- THANK YOU ALL for your inputs and advice -- from what people have been sharing here, I'm coming to the conclusion that I should really just ask him what's going on. I will do that if (when) he gets in touch again. I *really* don't want to initiate contact with him just to ask him, because I'm hoping that he won't get in touch again.

If anything new should arise, I'll be sure to post an update here. Thanks again, everyone!

Perchik's avatar

Here's my theory:

At that party he was attracted to you, you talked for a little, maybe mentioned that you enjoyed this cake? He's scared to talk to you, but remembers you mentioned that you liked cake, so he has decided to suprise you with cake.

Are the cakes just plain, or do they have writing on them? and are they accompanied by anything, a card or something?

You should get a big flat cake and write a letter to him in frosting, asking what the deal is. Then find a way to deliver it to him.

Haha in all seriousness though, I think you should probably either talk to him, or just call the police.

Let them eat cake!

ezraglenn's avatar

asking what he thinks is going on is probably a good idea. If he just wants to spread cake love, you can tell him to ship them to:
241 w. 108 street, #3D
New York, NY 10025

figbash's avatar

A) This is the kind of quirkiness I love, and I have to agree with Andrew that if it's red velvet, marry the guy ; )

B) If you don't want the cakes, donate them to the local hospital

C) If you're feeling adventurous, Fred Meyer bakeries have this funky feature where you can put a picture on a cake (take note if this Fluther members- this nifty little thing has served me well on many, many occasions). Find a great picture of a policeman, and then send that.

D) In all seriousness, you DO need to contact this guy so that you're both on the same page. I wouldn't be entirely creeped out per se, but the fact that he hasn't followed up with you directly indicates a weird sort of passive aggression.

I would be concerned that in the absence of actually talking to you, he's filled in the blanks with some sort of fantasy about how you're reacting to these cakes and/or your thoughts about him. If he thinks you're getting some romantic jolt (in addition to sugar) out of this means of communicating, he may think there's a bond or connection there that you don't actually reciprocate. He's maintaining some sort of odd attachment to you, for certain. I mean, that takes effort. At any rate, this has been going on for way too long without contact, and you really need to get some closure from the awkwardness of it all, or move forward with the next step in dating him.

Let us know how this one goes!

andrew's avatar

@Cristi: Policeman on a cake: brilliant.

@mdy: "this guy isn't completely happy with whatever girl he's seeing, and that this cake-giving thing is just his way of staying on my radar while he decides whether or not to work things out with his current girlfriend." I'm willing to bet a whole plate of cookies that this is the case.

omgDarkWillow's avatar

Do you know his name? If you do, you should look up his number in the phonebook or something and call..to see what all the cake is about. If it were me, I'd be kinda freaked out.

Perchik's avatar

good point. Call him, don't confront him in person.

Modern_Classic's avatar

DO NOT CALL HIM. (repost). First, do some basic research. Google him "firstname lastname" . You might find him listed on a sex offender website (worst case) or Nobel Peace Prize nominee (best case). You can spend a small amount of change for deeper web based research - Google will pop up ads when you search for a name. If her's a bit...off.. which he clearly is to some degree, he might interpret your phone call, even if it's to say "Please stop with the cakes," as "I love you, too." Crazy guys are like that

omgDarkWillow's avatar

Oh, I totally forgot about that. ^^You should do that first.

Perchik's avatar

Ah I was just saying do not confront him in person.I mean I think a phone call wouldn't be that bad

If he gets crazy and says crazy stuff then you can file a restraining order or something. I would say whatever you do, do NOT confront him in person.

Modern_Classic's avatar

With all due respect, I beg to disagree. If he's a slightly neurotic shy normal guy then no problem. But..if it get to the point where a restraining order is required, it's too late, as they are not worth all that much unless you have you're own private security force (see: David Letterman) but are useless if you have to rely on employers to enforce/protect (see: University of Washington and other recent homicides). Sorry to be so negative. Better safe than sorry.

Modern_Classic's avatar

Return the next cake that arrives.

lilakess's avatar

This is reminding me of the time that a gorgeous bouquet of red roses showed up at the place I was staying when I first moved to NYC, where I knew no one. One of the finer arrangements I've ever received. It was accompanied by a secret admirer card, written in that kind of large child-like handwriting but with no signature. It was also accompanied by song lyrics written by "him," which in fact turned out to be some white snake ballad or something (a friend was able to recognize and place it for me). Who could it possibly be? I wracked my brain. I had just moved to NYC and basically no one, especially who would send me a monster bouquet of flowers, knew I was there, it there even existed a person like that.

Then he called. He did ask me out.

It was the delivery guy who had dropped off a loaner computer for me. Yeah. Exactly. But, he was very nice about the rejection. He just said he liked to do "stuff like this" sometimes. Make people feel good. And I never heard from him again. And it did make me feel good.

My point being, I'd hate to think we live in a world where we assume the worst about a person who's doing a nice thing. Just be cautious (I think a phone confrontation is wise), lighthearted, but forthright, and maybe grateful, and I would stop accepting the cakes unless you are interested in him. It'll be harder to explain why you've accepted all those cakes the longer you do it. (When you finally have to rebuff him, which is what I think you'll have to do, he's going to say, but you've been eating my cake for TWO years! He does sound a little weird but hey, let's give the guy a chance.).

I once (very reluctantly) accepted a DVD player from a guy on a first date (don't ask) and have since regretted it. But that's another story...

segdeha's avatar

Of everything said here, I think the "keeping you his radar as a fallback" theory is the most plausible while giving the guy some benefit of the doubt. It doesn't sound like he's done anything outright offensive or alarming. But, come on, man, two years is a long time to keep someone on your fallback list... Make your move or move on!

ezraglenn's avatar

keep the next cake. let it rot and mold and get really disgusting, then when he texts you about bringing the cake over, put the putrid pastry outside your door, as if it's been there since he left it. He'll get the point.

mdy's avatar

@perchik -- I guess your theory is possible, although frankly I don't remember talking about cake at that party. We just happened to be seated at the same table with like 6 other people, but we weren't even sitting anywhere near each other. To answer your question -- the cakes have no writing on them. No special message on the cards beyond the normal "Enjoy" or "Hope you like it".

@Cristi -- got a huge laugh out of your policeman on the cake idea. I'll keep that in mind!

@Modern Classic -- good tip on doing a google search on his name. I did a quick search just now... turns out he's got a rather common name, so I'm turning up hits from all over the place (including other countries) for other people with the same name. When I have more time, I'll try wading through the results.

@lilakess -- thanks for sharing your experience. While you have a point about him probably expecting something because he's been sending cake for two years, I don't think he should expect anything from me just because he's been sending me cake. I mean -- if he had been sending me jewelry all this time, you can bet that I'd have called him the first time and rejected it. But since it's cake, it seemed kinda petty to return it when the first one arrived. Also, there's the added complication that I don't even know where he lives so I wouldn't have a way to return the cake without actually calling him -- something I don't want to do in the first place.

@andrew and @segdeha -- like both of you, my friend is really leaning towards the "fallback" idea also. But geez... if that's really the case, then wouldn't I come across as someone really pathetic if he one day asks me out and I said yes? What guy would want to go out with a girl like that?? If he wasn't ready to get involved with someone, then wouldn't it have been better to just stay away until he was prepared to make a move? With the way things stand now, I'd really rather that he just move on, even though I know I've not really given him a fair chance.

@ezraglenn -- the putrid pastry idea has some merit, but I think I wouldn't be able to stand having a rotten thing in my house for four months just on the off-chance that he might send another cake. I mean, that would be like giving this guy so much influence over me, to the point that I'd alter my lifestyle for four months just to make an indirect point. Calling him and talking to him would be preferable to that, I think.

EastBayGuy's avatar

This is fascinating. My first day on fluther and I find this thread!

I wonder if this guy likes Rubens-esque women and is hoping to plump you up by sending all these cakes? If he sees you putting on the pounds, that's when he makes his move.

Seriously though, unless you're holding out hope for some kind of future, platonic or romantic, with this guy, end it as soon as possible. Let him know you won't accept any more cakes or gifts from him and you want him to stop calling you. No more SMS messages. You want him to stop coming by your home. Thank him for his interest, but tell him you don't see the two of you being friends or lovers or whatever it is he may have in mind.

Then be ready to file a restraining order against him if he doesn't cease. Good luck!

mdy's avatar

@EastBayGuy -- I'm actually amazed at how other people have chimed in to share their advice and opinions. I guess it *is* fascinating since the situation is unusual. I just wish I wasn't the person in it! haha! Anyway, no, I'm not interested in any relationship developing between me and cake guy. So yes, I now intend to grab the first opportunity to convey that message -- thanks to everyone for your moral support.

occ's avatar

this is the best discussion ever!
and yes, i agree with everyone that you should just ask him what is going on. and please, please, report back to us!!

rovdog's avatar

I guess I may be one of the few who doesn't really think this behavior is so bad. I mean some people are really committed to their ideas, and for some reason he decided to send you cake. If you barely remember him; it's possible that he barely remembers you. This has worried you obviously, but it also seems to have entertained you and given you something to talk about. Do you know if this guy is a comedian, an actor, or an artist of some type? That seems likely to me. Are you entertained in some way? If you saw this in a movie, what would you think? I think that he's doing it to do something weird, and entertain you. I think if you don't like it, ask him to stop, but if you want to continue to enjoy delicious cake, do nothing. Oh, but do I think he must have been attracted to you, almost definitely yes, because he wouldn't have decided to pull this "prank" on just anyone.

gooch's avatar

Send cake back with a location to meet(public of course) if you like him

ma_ayan's avatar

wow I just found this and I NEED to know what happened?! its giving me some great stalking tips...

ava's avatar

So, what happened? We all need to know!

mdy's avatar

I’ve been getting questions regarding this, so I figured I should post an update.

There’s nothing new to report really—I’ve not heard from him for the past four months or so. And frankly, I’m really enjoying the blissful silence. 8—) I’m also hoping that this means he has finally moved on. Will let y’all know if there are new developments.

hossman's avatar

I think I am speaking for most of the flutherians when I say we are far less interested in whether you have spoken with this guy in the last 4 months, than we are in whether you have received ANY CAKES in the last 4 months. If so, I am curious what kind of cakes they were. C’mon mdy, talk pastry to me.

segdeha's avatar

Maybe he saw this thread and is too chagrined to continue…?

mdy's avatar

@hossman It’s really blissful silence as in no news or communication of any form, pastry or otherwise. haha!

@segdeha I don’t know him well enough to know if he’d be interested in a site like Fluther, so I don’t know if he has seen this thread. And I think I don’t want to know either.

rovdog's avatar

Have you thought about contacting him? It seems like your not interested. But I think you have to consider all of the people on this site that are hoping you two get married or something.

ava's avatar

Rovdog is right. I know I was hoping you two would get married.

hossman's avatar

And then the movie. Seems like the kind of thing Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant would be in.

occ's avatar

Ha! So true. And then they would turn it into a Broadway show called “CAKE! : The Musical”

Zaku's avatar

“Cake guy” is awesome. It’s sad that so many people think negative things about him for doing something interesting. I wish cake guy lived next door, and that the others would get a heart.

hossman's avatar

I don’t wish to be impolite or nosy, mdy, but is it possible that at the party you met “Cake Guy,” either you do not recall some sort of discussion the two of you may have had (in that loopy party perhaps lubricated by the mood noise drinks etc sort of blur) about cake, or that he mistakenly “recalls” a memory of the two of you having about cake? ‘Cause the guy seems awfully committed. Are the cakes still coming? Do you have his contact information? Because if pastry is involved, I’m not above a little flirtatiousness. C’mon, we’re talking high quality cakes here, and as long as he never actually talks to the recipient. . . I might be downright coy for an Eli’s cheesecake.

And I’m still not getting my peach cobblers.

Tennis5tar's avatar

I really think someone should write a novel about this. I can see it now, on the shelves Spring ‘09.

gailcalled's avatar

We have some very good writers here – getting or having gotten grad. degrees in English and writing and interested in fiction.. Bob, Rovdog, Kebvo come to mind…sorry to not know the others- I am sure that you are many and talented.

And perhaps we should have CAKE, the novel, before the musical or the cookbook:)

hossman's avatar

I can’t wait for the movie trailer. “Just when you thought it was safe to frost. . .”

mdy's avatar

You guys totally crack me up! haha!

Anyway, since there are still people asking—it’s been five months since I posted this question, and no cakes have arrived since then. I’m becoming convinced that he’s really moved on.

By the way—if anyone does decide to write a critically-acclaimed, best-selling, and box-office-breaking romantic comedy novel / play / musical based on this question, PLEASE for the love of God, don’t tell anyone you got the idea from this page! The last thing I want is for him to find it! haha!

P.S. @hossman, I’m 100% sure we didn’t have a cake (or any other kind of pastry for that matter) conversation.

Till next time…

dimarioso's avatar

I think you owe it to yourself to turn the tables, call him and ask ” wheres my cake”. His explanation may suprise you. Meet him for lunch or coffee and let him know at the end of this “meeting” if HE should not pursue this relationship with you . Some guys get crazy Ideas in their head about what might make a girl smile and think of him. Perhaps he thought your humor ran along the same lines. I know Ive done some odd things but when my silly dry humor struck the right person, well we have been together 15 years now and still prank one another occasionally. Ive never sent cake but you know I will now. Dont forget laughing is a crucial part of loving.
( just the same disable caller ID before calling him he should certainly ask you for your number )

panspermia's avatar

he just want to attach you !

Trance24's avatar

I suppose you should simply ask him why he sends the cake. And I mean if you really like the cake I see no reason for him to stop sending it =p. As long as he stays in touch.

dznqbit's avatar

THE CAKE IS A LIE

soft_guy's avatar

How many cakes are we talking here? You say he sends a cake every few months. Has this been going on for 5 years, or have you gotten some very small number of cakes? How many months apart are the cakes?

NapoDyne's avatar

Did you see Napolean Dynamite? Perhaps he is asking you out as per the Pedro bake a cake and leave it on her porch strategy.

FWIW, it didn’t work for Pedro either.

Trance24's avatar

@soft guy not to be rude but if you would read the question in full she clearly states that it is every 4 months over the course of two years now.

artemisdivine's avatar

when is a cake not a cake. he gets and A+ for creativity. course me being me i would have FOR SURE imagined it was spiked with some kind of substance. and not JUST sugar. you are either brave, hungry or completely crazy.

funniest answers ever.

smurr's avatar

I agree with dimarioso. You need to block caller ID and call for your cake! Afterwards you can tell him he’s become an internet phenomenon over a nice warm cup of coffee.

Take a chance, maybe he’s a cool guy.

smurr's avatar

Also, the comments on Reddit are quite spot on.

http://reddit.com/info/64kn5/comments/

“From our perspective, her question is very dissatisfying since she never had the balls to resolve it. Apparently, he stopped sending cakes, and the truth behind the story was probably not that interesting anyway, but come on! You don’t just hand-deliver cake every 4 months to maintain dating prospects! Not for almost two years! Sheesh, call him and tell us that he’s the wealthy heir to the Entenmann’s pastry empire, tell us that he had some rare, cake-related type of OCD, anything! Jeez! You owe it to the internet, mdy!”

r88776's avatar

Hi mdy, I really think everyone else is reading much too much into this. Assuming the cakes are home-made, he’s probably just someone who enjoys baking.

We’ve all met people (admittedly mostly female) who just show up sometimes with a box of cakes or biscuits they’ve made. This guy probably just spends the occasional afternoon doing some baking, and distributes stuff to his ‘cake buddies’.

I’m sorry, but you’ve probably behaved a little rudely to him. People who go out of their way to include others, be it in social occasions or little nice things they do, deserve acknowledgment. You should at least have sent the guy Christmas cards, maybe the odd party invite. If the cakes have stopped coming, it’s because you never reciprocated and never became friends.

aviet_error's avatar

i just made an account to answer this. what an odd situation. you say it’s unlikely that he is “in love” with you and he seems fairly unobtrusive and polite in the delivering of the store-bought cakes.

trying to look at why i would do something like this… which is hard… ive come up with a few scenarios.

perhaps you really struck a chord with him, maybe you told him a story about a nice thing you did for someone and it resonated with something he thinks or knows or happened to him.

on the other hand, sometimes i have funny little ideas to do to keep myself entertained. maybe he just thought you seemed like you would appreciate a mystery cake every few months.

or maybe he’s a psychologist running illegal undercover social experiments to find the point at which the deliciousness of a pastry intersects with the awkwardness of a situation.

it is odd that they are storebought. this would all make so much more sense if they were homemade.

anyway, if it were me, i would enjoy the cake with friends and be thankful.

cereal_lover's avatar

I just found this post on reddit and created an account just so I could reply. This is an awesome story and I can’t help but feel this is something I might have done five years ago just to be weird. I suggest you take the cake you receive every few months and give it to someone you just met at a party, basically repeating this person’s behavior with another stranger you feel would appreciate the cake. If said person freaks out or is in some way unnerved by this simply move on to someone else until you find someone, like yourself, who is receptive if somewhat confused. You may learn a lot about “Cakey’s” motivation by observing your own actions and the reactions of others. Heck you might finally understand Cakey’s master plan of having his cake travel the world through the generosity of casual acquaintances.

My 2 cents

blob's avatar

You need to ask him why he’s doing this. Too many people are invested in this story not to know.
p.s. why would you give someone you met once your address?

hossman's avatar

I agree with blob, mdy. Our invested curiosity is far more important than your feelings or safety. . . I demand you contact this man and demand an explanation for all of us. Better yet, compel him to post here and explain hisself. ‘Cause he’s got some serious ‘splainin’ to do. : )

gailcalled's avatar

Mdy; and why, pray tell, isn’t your avatar a chocolate cake?

breedmitch's avatar

Every time I see this question in my “questions you’re following” box I get so excited! I’m just sure we are going to hear the answer to the mystery of The Cakes. Alas, no, It’s just new people discovering The Cakes. (and those of us up talking to each other at 2 am.)

mdy's avatar

@artemisdivine—the possibility of the cake being spiked did occur to me, but I dismissed the idea since it seemed kinda unlikely.

@r88776—I agree there’s a distinct possibility that I’ve been rude to him. But I’d rather be rude than be nice just for the sake of being nice, especially if that “niceness” can be misinterpreted as interest. No one can accuse me of leading the guy on, flirting with him, or otherwise encouraging him.

@aviet_error—I agree, if the cakes had been homemade, the whole thing would have made more sense.

@cereal_lover—the fact that you say “this is something I might have done five years ago just to be weird” is comforting, because it means I’m not the only one who finds this weird.

@blob—I didn’t give the guy my address (I think I’ve said that already in this thread).

@hossman—your latest quip had me laughing out loud (but only because we’ve been on Fluther for quite some time and I grok your sense of humor).

@gailcalled—I felt a surf-y avatar would be more in keeping with Fluther’s overall theme. Don’t you agree?

There are times when I quite frankly wish I’d never asked this question. This week is one of them.

hossman's avatar

A “Great Answer” to mdy for using the word “grok.” I grok you too, mdy. The ‘60’s live!

For those of you unfamiliar with “grok”:

The verb can be used both transitively and intransitively; in the transitive sense the Oxford English Dictionary defines it as “to understand intuitively or by empathy; to establish rapport with”, while in the intransitive sense it is defined as “to empathize or communicate sympathetically with; also, to experience enjoyment.”

Robert A. Heinlein originally coined the term in his 1961 novel Stranger in a Strange Land as a Martian word that literally means “to drink” and is defined as:
“ ... to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes part of the observed—to merge, blend, intermarry, lose identity in group experience.

gailcalled's avatar

Pretty soon the entire cyberworld will grok Mdy. I loved Heinlein’s books, BTW, if people are looking for enduring sci-fi.

I also love people who use “chagrinned.”

segdeha's avatar

Not to cause you any, gailcalled, but it’s spelled chagrined. :-)

gailcalled's avatar

Of course it is..(so embarrassing. That’s what happens when I think about two things at once – one of them being how to build a better mousetrap.) And I am trying to be really careful 1) for Klaas4 and 2) for the newbies who are beyond nonchalant about spelling, punctuation, and usage. Hubris, it’s called.

gailcalled's avatar

When I mention hubris, I’m talking about me here.

ezraglenn's avatar

mdy, I just thought you might like to know that, despite that your username is probably your initials, I have started referring to you as “mindy,” because that is what mdy looks like to me.

Also, I really want some cake right now.

Also, I am seriously considering sending cake to people I meet at parties. I would bake them myself.

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

@ezraglenn, I refer to mdy as Maddie. It’s funny how we both started calling her by a name.

ezraglenn's avatar

I guess Maddie makes more sense than Mindy…

hossman's avatar

Not to mention, gail, worrying about whether Dr. Grafenberg merely was playing a very cruel joke.

gailcalled's avatar

G whiz, hoss, what to do first? Think about sex at 71, figure out how to set hair-trigger trap for Havahart (directions written in a dialect of Celtic and photos blurred), weep because Chlorox has just bought Burt’s Bees, attempt to watch 5 more minutes of the NH debates – 5 minutes is my limit – or reread another chapter of LOLITA?

@mdy; make sure you never give out your real name to any one. Perhaps if it is mdy w. vowels added, you should change it legally to Mary or Ruth.

gcross's avatar

Not all stalkers are dangerous. I’ve had one for more than 20 years. He is basically obese, deaf, and lived on a bus route that I was also riding. We have had only one altercation, when I got sick and tired of his staring. But I still see him regularly, as he waits at the same stop as I do to commute home after work. I think I have finally managed to convey my lack of welcome to his staring. Occasionally, he used to watch me on the train, probably trying to lip-read my conversations. He may not realized I’m married, as I do not wear a wedding ring. My husband and I instead each wear one of a pair of emerald studs to symbolize our union.

I would suggest, as others already have, that you sms him with more than a thank you. Instead, initiate a conversation. If need be, explain to him that you find his behavior uncomfortable and would be reassured if you understood his motives and intent. Based on his responses, you’ve either got a secret admirer, a really shy guy who has been waiting for two years for you to respond to his overtures, or a stalker you may want to get a restraining order against. Gotta play this by ear but protect your butt at the same time.

Vincentt's avatar

Wow, I’d almost go through the trouble of creating a new account and pretend I’m the cake guy ;)

hossman's avatar

OMG, this has spread to other sites? Perhaps this is the virus that results in “I Am Legend.”

mdy's avatar

Hi friends. Just wanted to say that I really appreciate all the time and energy (and even emotions!) that you have all poured into this question.

I’ve decided, after much thought, to stop following this question. You’re more than welcome to continue discussing it to your heart’s delight, but I will no longer be reading nor responding to this specific thread.

I don’t intend to leave Fluther, though, as this site has one of the most thoughtful and thought-provoking communities that I’ve found online.

See you in the other threads!

Zaku's avatar

Ah, the pressure and misunderstanding of celebrity status… ;-)

Perchik's avatar

I think mdy made the right call.

hossman's avatar

I agree w/Perchik. I went over to reddit, and I hope mdy doesn’t. Talk about poor manners and tiny minds. I don’t blame mdy for bailing. I wouldn’t want that kind of attention either.

gailcalled's avatar

I also agree. After reading the sophomoric (or better, moronic) answers on reddit, I wanted to put mdy into the Witness Protection Program. Can she request that the question be removed from the site?

Zaku's avatar

If I seemed to be criticizing mdy, that wasn’t what I meant. I just find readers’ reactions, the scale and type of attention, amusing.

But ya, an interesting feature for public discussion boards might be an “anonymize me” button that would rename the posts if someone no longer wants to be associated with them, even if they don’t mind the topic continuing without them. A little tricky to implement, I’m sure, especially if one wanted to rename the in-thread references to someone’s nym in responses. Just an idea that’s occurred to me before on other forums.

bellatessora's avatar

i think that’s hilarious. you should start sending him gallons of milk…

Eleanor's avatar

I say, as long as all he’s sending you is a nice pretty yummy cake and it’s not laced with rat poison and filled with razor blades then have a party every time the cake comes! Call it “Cake Day” =)

artemisdivine's avatar

i will never love a post more than this one. ever ever ever.

pam's avatar

In my opinion, he likes you, only that he is too shy to express his love for you.Have you yourself ever considered to ask him out.(considering the fact that he has been sending you cakes for 2 years now)If I were you I would have done this a long time ago.And I would have also taken his number.that way I would be able to “test the waters” before I plunge.
Better late than never.You can do the same even NOW.Good Luck.

joeysefika's avatar

Just a quick question, Is he still sending you cakes??

Zaku's avatar

I think above she mentioned no (before she mentioned she was bowing out of the thread).

robmandu's avatar

Anyone thinking what I’m thinking? That cake guy is a Flutherer?

He could be any one of us!?!?!?!?

hossman's avatar

Funny. I noticed andrew’s iphone had Heinemann’s Bakery on speed dial. . .

Seesul's avatar

After reading this entire thread, I can’t believe that no one else came up with the theory that perhaps the last cake never arrived due to a MacArthur Park tragedy whereby someone left the cake out in the rain and the green icing was melting down… Perhaps Andrew can go over to the park and see if he can find it, as it took so long to bake it and he’ll never have that recipe again…..oh noooooo.

As for the Entenmann’s is now part of Bimbo, as are most of the familiar American bakery brands. Gail Bert’s Bee’s Chlorox???? Well, Toms of Maine is now part of Colgate Palmolive, at least they still have the toothpaste without fluoride, as I am allergic to it.

gailcalled's avatar

Bert’s Bees and Toms of Maine – RIP? Waaa.

robmandu's avatar

Cake. Cake. C-C-C-Cake. Cake. Yeah! Nice, @breedmitch!

Seesul's avatar

@breed: Anyone that has been owned by a cat KNOWS that cat thought it was a cat box and he was trying to cover up a mess. The only time my cat has done that and it hasn’t been a cat box was for really stinky food that she wouldn’t eat.

breedmitch's avatar

@seesul: Try that link again. You seem to be viewing another video.

2madifab's avatar

Have you called him because it sounds like he is really in love with you and is really scared to talk to you so he tries to impress you by giving you cakes. so you should try calling him amnd maybe you will hit it off.

wilhel1812's avatar

i’d guess it’s one of those things you do to make you feel better. like “send a cake every 4 monhs to a person you’ve only met once”
I’ve read stuff like that in those “x things you gotta do before you die” lists.
no?

thepapercutterman's avatar

I think it means he’s the kind of guy I’d like to marry.

Give him a cake and ask him out.

toomuchcoffee911's avatar

That’s a hilarious story! At least make a comic strip of it, and then send it to the guy. But also, I think your worst-case-scenario-ing it. At least call him…

ubersiren's avatar

Holy crap, this stuff is hilarious… everyone’s just going with it, it’s fantastic. It’s like an orgy room and everyone who steps in it just gets added to the orgy- no questions asked.

IBERnineD's avatar

This whole cake thing is definitely his way of keeping on your radar, as said before. Now this would be the man of my dreams, I mean cake??? How lucky could you get??? Anywho, I bet that he will do this for a while, then will ask you out, and you two will fall madly in love and end up married. 50 years from now you two will be telling grand children about how he wooed you with cake. At each of your anniversaries he will get you a gift of cake in some form or another, cake pendents, paintings, earrings, etc. Maybe this is simply because I am a romantic and I LOVE pastries, but hey it could happen! Now if you will excuse me I need to call my boyfriend and tell him to buy me some cake. Oh and BTW any red velvet would ABSOLUTELY mean he’s a keeper!

CaseyWVU10's avatar

Do you eat the cakes he sends?

SeventhSense's avatar

Policeman on the cake seems pretty normal…..What you’ve never heard of copkakes?

Dutchess12's avatar

LOL!! Maybe he’s taking Marie A.‘s “Let them eat cake” too seriously!

breedmitch's avatar

@DutchCat: Now take a trip to our Fluther Mecca, and voila, you’re a Jellyfish!

Dutchess12's avatar

Oh no! I shall never been the same! I can feel it!

Dutchess12's avatar

Tornado’s coming….gotta go.

RedPowerLady's avatar

I have no idea why I’m responding to this as it is two years old. But it is my first time reading it and I was utterly amused. My guess, it was just a random act of kindness. Perhaps the asker seemed a bit down during the party or not. Either way I think that’s a good one to add to the mix.

Beta_Orionis's avatar

I haven’ laughed this hard in a loooong time. :D

Dog's avatar

Random cakes. Interesting.

Jude's avatar

Hilarious.

delirium's avatar

Om. Nom. Nom.

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