General Question

inunsure's avatar

How do I cure myself from my negative image of woman?

Asked by inunsure (423 points ) March 14th, 2012

I avoid talking to any women at all, I have no females friends on purpose.

I cant stand talking to most women, I don’t mind chatting for a bit to seem nice but I will avoid talking to women at all costs.

I don’t think woman are dumb or worse than men I just can’t stand most of them for even for a short amount of time.

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42 Answers

tom_g's avatar

How old are you?

inunsure's avatar

22
I feel really bad for feeling like this, I know it’s makes no sense but it’s how I feel

tom_g's avatar

I suppose therapy would be a good start. I have known one true hardcore misogynist, and he happened to be raised by a single mom who had abused him.

Anyway, feeling “really bad for feeling like this” is a good start because some part of you acknowledges that it’s messed up. But I think you should really address this now. It’s not beneficial for you to have this baggage or skewed thinking. It’s also completely unfair to the rest the world, which is made up of at least half of the people you hate.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I would second the therapy. Lumping a group of people together based on one trait isn’t really healthy.

Cruiser's avatar

You are either totally insecure and lack the self-confidence to have a simple conversation with women or you had a really bad experience with a woman somewhere along the way. Women do converse much differently than men. Men are straight to the point, women on the other hand interweave multiple thought threads into most every conversation and that takes concentration and patience to allow them to take their detours to making their point. I fail miserably at that task but I still try my best to validate what is being communicated in an effort to foster a good conversation.

I find a woman’s POV on things incredibly interesting and you IMO are missing out by avoiding women in this way.

wundayatta's avatar

Usually when you feel like this about a group of people, it’s because an individual or a small set of individuals hurt you pretty badly in the past. If that is the case, you need to remember that situation and understand how it happened. Your goal is to learn to associate it only with the people who hurt you and to understand that other women are good people who might even come to love you. You might also come to love them. Or at least be friends.

marinelife's avatar

The question that you need to answer for yourself is why you can’t stand most women. Why do you feel that way? What do you actually feel a woman will do to you if you hang around with her?

Therapy is the answer (I suggest a male therapist). You will either find peace with the way you feel or your feelings will change. Either way, you will gain enough self-knowledge to live with yourself comfortably.

inunsure's avatar

@wundayatta
Good advice

The worse part at the moment is I talk to no women on a regular basis.

digitalimpression's avatar

I probably couldn’t give you any advice that hasn’t already been said… but I will say that women are astounding. Some are astoundingly evil. Some are astoundingly benevolent and have beautiful personalities. It’s worth the gamble for the benevolent ones.

wundayatta's avatar

There’s no gamble. It’s pretty easy to learn to assess a woman’s personality. Or a man’s.

JLeslie's avatar

@inunsure Are you a woman or a man?

JLeslie's avatar

@inunsure Why do you dislike talking to them? Do you find them boring? You don’t trust them? You get nervous? They make you feel insecure?

Are you attracted to women sexually?

inunsure's avatar

@JLeslie
Yes I think women look nice, nothing more apart from that though. I get a little nervous depending on who it is, also boring and no I dont really trust them.

JLeslie's avatar

@inunsure Don’t trust them at work, or not at all? Were you abused in the past by a woman? Have you had any women in your life you trusted?

Ela's avatar

How about just accepting it as part of who you are? IMO you cannot do the “you’re missing out” thing because it works both ways.
If it really bothers you, being here may help. There are plenty of women (as well as men) here to talk to and you don’t always know which sex someone is until after you’ve been here awhile
I’m still being surprised by finding out someone I thought was a woman is actually a man and visa-versa

btw Welcome to Fluther : )

janbb's avatar

How did you feel towards your mother – presumably one woman you knew well?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I suggest visiting a female therapist once a week. Keep an open mind and a willing heart. Even if you just sit in the room with her for an hour, without speaking, just sit and look at her, each week, until you gradually become more comfortable in her presence. Then you can start speaking with her, little by little.

In the meantime, drop in here often. We have lots of fabulous females on Fluther who are willing to lend an ear, a shoulder or a hand when you need it. And we like men. :D

Welcome to Fluther.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Why a female therapist?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I would think that would be self-explanatory.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Not to me. The OP feels uncomfortable talking to females. Are you saying he should open up to a female therapist because it will show him females can be good, compassionate, trustworthy people?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Re-read my comment, please.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I had read it too fast. My apologies. I still disagree. I would go with a male therapist. But, I see where you are coming from.

chyna's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I think the female therapist is a great idea. For the reasons you stated.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie I just don’t think a male can help another male become more comfortable with females. It would be like a dog helping another dog become more comfortable with cats. It’s not going to work unless the dog spends some quiet time in the company of a cat, and begins to slowly trust said cat.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate But, a male can help him work through whatever negative events happened in his past. You are thinking more cognitive behavioral type therapy, and I think he needs some psychoanalysis first.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Psychoanalysis is all well and good, but sometimes when we’re afraid of the water, we just need to wade back in and get used to it again. When it comes to sitting in an office, spilling your guts to a stranger who gets paid to listen to you, I just don’t think the OP will get any benefit from talking to another man about his issues with women.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate But, the OP does talk to and interact with women already. It isn’t like being afraid of flying and always taking a bus. He is on the plane already, and still doesn’t know why he dislikes being there.

janbb's avatar

wonders where the OP has gone while people are discussing what he should do.

JLeslie's avatar

@janbb I wonder too.

Ela's avatar

Troll!!! In the dungeon!!! <faints… thud>

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie He does what he has to, “to seem polite”, but otherwise “avoids talking to women at all costs.” What he needs to do is put himself in a calm, quiet situation where he can gradually become comfortable around a woman. The best way to do that is by being around a woman. To get over my childhood fear of the dark, I would often sit in a dark closet, where I knew the light was immediately available if I opened the door.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Honestly, I am not disagreeing that desensitization might help. But, I also think there is something underlying that needs to be dealt with. It might be why the OP left, but I don’t want to assume that, he just might not have logged on for other reasons.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

As a woman who “cured” her own phobias in the past, I was just suggesting what I see as the best way to actually help the OP. Time for me to go.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@JLeslie There’s something else going on we’re not getting from the op.
@WillWorkForChocolate Good ideas. Have a good night.

wundayatta's avatar

Interesting discussion. In cases like this where is is not clear whether one approach is better than another, the key is to just pick one and move forward. If it doesn’t work, try another approach. This is actually very common in therapy. No one has a very good idea in advance which type of treatment will work with which patient.

JLeslie's avatar

@wundayatta Great point, and great advice.

inunsure's avatar

sorry I dont always log in

inunsure's avatar

Someone just gave me advice to think of all the good times I spent with women and try and think about those events more often, tbh I know I dislike women due to negative stereotypes and when I really think about it actually women arent all that bad though I still agree they are not as good as men.

janbb's avatar

Girls rule,
Boys drool. Just sayin’

marinelife's avatar

@inunsure Women are just as good as men,. Just as capable of heroism. Just as smart. Just as honest, There are bad apples in both sexes.

saylo_0's avatar

When you see a Women in your head say she is nice she is a women who has done nothing to anyone. Then think of something else. Good women can help hind success.

Hope it helped:D

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