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WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Care to create a disease?

Asked by WillWorkForChocolate (22623 points ) March 19th, 2012

In honor of the fatal Brain Cloud from Joe Vs The Volcano, create a new disease, and give an explanation if you care to.

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23 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Moldovian brain chiggers. They look like snow but climb in your ears and eat certain parts of your brain.

Blackberry's avatar

Santoritis: inflammation of the brain which causes disillusion and the patient to experience a heightened sense of moral superiority and general douchebaggery.

chyna's avatar

Chocolate skeeve lynchins. You can only get this disease by eating more than 2 pounds of cheap chocolate a day. They imbed themselves like parasites into your intestines and come out a dark brown color.

chyna's avatar

Wait, I didn’t get the memo that it couldn’t be a gross disease.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

It could be gross. That wasn’t ruled out. But ewww.

Coloma's avatar

S.A.D. Sudden agonizing death of middle aged people over doing it.
Brought on by intense bursts of extreme physical exertion such as pulling 7 foot tall weeds with 2 foot roots off of a steep hillside. In rare cases victims may be revived with 8 – 20 oz. of wine and a hot shower and massage. Relapse likely.

wundayatta's avatar

Autoloofahtosis: It’s when the loofah automatically starts abrading your toes during the shower and you seem to be unable to do anything about it.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Randyknownopoo: when you’re randy, you can’t poo. This disease only develops in folks who eat crayons and paste.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Thunderchickenthighs: You’ve eaten so much fried chicken that your thighs begin to look tasty and you attract stalkers who sniff your legs uncontrollably.

Fried chicken sounds really good, too…

CWOTUS's avatar

Halitosidosis: terminal bad breath.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Do-over and do-over and do-over…. Repeating like too much pepperoni

ucme's avatar

Scarletneckiusfever Shagmycousinitis
A disease common amongst the redneck community, no known cure.

Brian1946's avatar

Russian Limbarfer Syndrome.

The primary vector is a batch of Russian Viagra that was contaminated with a radioactive virus. The virus causes the abusers to eat any woman that prevents or terminates her pregnancy, and then regurgitate her limbs. ;-o

erichw1504's avatar

Sheenitis – the blood in your vains turns into tiger blood.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

LMAO, I love these, you guys. Made my Tuesday morning!

erichw1504's avatar

Sudden Snookie Syndrome – your skin turns an odd shade of orange.

nikipedia's avatar

Oldwhitemanitis: a disease in which you are so painfully knowledgeable and correct about everything, you don’t need to be troubled with facts, other people’s perspectives, or anything resembling empathy. Most commonly found in older white men, especially in first world countries. No effective treatment exists.

wundayatta's avatar

IamgettingaPhDsoIknowitallitis.

Related to Iam15andIknowitallitosis, but somehow less charming.

Need I explain any further?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Hey now… you guys aren’t gonna start directing diseases at each other, are you? :D

Symbeline's avatar

Skeletor Liquidis

When the marrow slowly turns to a liquid state, eventually seeping into the bones. The virus uses the skeletal structure as nourishment and thus, expands itself, essentially turning the bones into liquid entirely. When there are no more bones to consume, the virus dies, and ironically turns into a hardened state. The matter has been found to be a very excellent source of preserving agent for hotdogs.

Symptoms
The stage one signs can be perceived through outrageous and frightening flexibility. This is eventually followed by loss of balance and strength, unstable physical deformation, (it always changes) until the afflicted basically becomes a pile of atrophied muscles, and they look like a crawling sack.

Cause
The virus is of unknown origin, and extremely rare. It probably comes from some jungle or something. It’s a curse. Damn Spain should have left the Mayas alone.

Treatment
The virus may be halted in its early stages through cryogenic treatment, allowing a bit of time after bone structure consumption has occurred before it’s too late. However, in this case, the afflicted is often left in a permanent abnormal shape. Loophole; you can’t have functional bones without marrow.

Historical Notes
Quasimodo’s hump was not, indeed, hollow. That’s where his liver ended up. And yes, France actually had cryogenic technology back then.

Eyeballis Outbreakus

A skin disorder where eyeballs start growing all over the body. The eyeballs are dark yellow like unhealthy urine, the iris is rust colored and the pupil is black. Cases have reported up to 50 eyes on an afflicted. These eyes have been found to be blind. You can’t hope to achieve epic upskirt peaks through subtly strategic movement. The disease is not deadly, but may cause severe skin problems if not treated. Immediate attention is suggested should an eyeball grow one one’s genitals, or one’s original eyeball. While they do not grow in orifices, some can be dangerously placed. (some can grow on your anus, too)

Symptoms
Well uh…eyeballs growing all over you? The first sign is noticing these eyes in your stool. Some people blow them out their nose, or throw up, and find the eyes inside the vomit. While this ’‘parasite’’ cannot live in the human body in its adult eye shape, this is indeed where it starts, until it can find its way to the outer body, where it then thrives.
Where the eyes grow, the skin becomes red and sensitive, causing rashes, itchiness and burning sensations. It is not recommended to pluck them off, as they may be attached to veins, nerves and vital organs.

Cause
The parasite comes from the Four Eyed Nimbus Cyclopus Nyarlatothepian Frootflyusis, which is a breed of fruit fly from some place in Ruggsville. These do not usually go near humans, as they are only interested in gasoline. But should they come in contact with humans, the touch itself can make the males blow their load all over the human, who then contracts the parasite. It ventures inside the afflicted where it can be safe from the elements.
Many times, it will die, leaving an eye or two in your poop. But should it be resistant and tough, it eventually comes to the surface.

Treatment
Intricate epidermal surgery is required to remove the eyes. While it is best to see a professional, some badass patriots down the hard shit, and take em off with pliers. This is risky, since the eye roots can be attached to important parts of the body. While it is treatable, the end result leaves behind plenty of scars.

Not a Fact
I dreamt an eye was growing on my arm a few nights ago.

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