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ilvorangeiceblocks's avatar

Favourite Little Johnny jokes?

Asked by ilvorangeiceblocks (832 points ) April 20th, 2012

I saw one today whilst browsing questions and remembered how much I used to laugh at them. Does anyone have any favorite Little Johnny jokes they’d like to share?

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8 Answers

filmfann's avatar

The Teacher asked her class to use ‘definitely’ in a sentence. Jane raised her hand and said, “The sky is definitely blue.” The Teacher said “No, sometimes it is red with a beautiful sunset, and sometimes it is grey when it is cloudy!”.
Then Jack raised his hand and said, “Trees are definitely green.” Once again Teacher corrected her student, saying: “Sometimes trees turn different colors with the seasons!”.
Little Johnny raised his hand, “Do farts have lumps?” he asked. The Teacher was repulsed, and said “No!”. “Then I definitely shit my pants.”

bkcunningham's avatar

Teacher: “Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?”

Little Johnny: “None.”

Teacher: “Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?”

Little Johnny: “None.”

Teacher: “Can you explain that answer?”

Little Johnny: “One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left.”

Teacher: “Well, that isn’t the correct answer, but I like the way you think.”

Little Johnny: “Teacher, can I ask a question?”

Teacher: “Sure.”

Little Johnny: “There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?”

Teacher: “The one sucking the cone.”

Little Johnny: “No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think.”

jca's avatar

These jokes are so juvenile, but they’re so funny! People email me them sometimes, and I kind of dread them yet I know I am going to be laughing out loud!

SavoirFaire's avatar

Little Johnny had to use the bathroom while at school one day, so he called out, “Teacher, I need to take a piss!”

The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, the proper word is ‘urinate.’ If you can use the word correctly in a sentence, then you may go to the bathroom.”

Little Johnny thinks about it and says, “You’re an eight; but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!”

FutureMemory's avatar

I’ve never heard of Little Johnny jokes..

flutherother's avatar

Fred and Mary get married but can’t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, “No”.

Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?”

His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Just go to school.”

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, “Is Fred and Mary up yet?”

She replies, “No.”

Johnny says, “Do you know what I think?”

His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.”

After school, he comes home and asks, “Is Fred and Mary up yet?”

His mom says, “No.”

Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?”

His mom replies, “OK! What do you think?”

He says, “Well, last night Fred came in for Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.”

FutureMemory's avatar

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”

When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour?,” but, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”

The Teacher fainted.

CWOTUS's avatar

Little Johnny was in class one day when the teacher began to show and tell the class about farming tools. She held up a shovel and asked if anyone could identify it. Little Johnny’s hand shot up. “Yes, Johnny?” she asked.

“It’s a shovel, teacher.”

“Very good, Johnny. Now who knows what this is?” as she held up another tool. Johnny raised his hand again.

“Johnny?”

“It’s a pitchfork, teacher.”

“Very good. Now this one,” and she held up another tool. No one seemed to know. Even Johnny looked puzzled. “It’s a hoe,” she told them.

Johnny shot out of his seat. “My sister’s a ‘ho, and she don’t look nothing like that!”

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