Social Question

john65pennington's avatar

What action would you take, if your gf/bf gave you a fake diamond ring?

Asked by john65pennington (29057 points ) April 23rd, 2012

Sooner or later, the truth will come out, that your gf/bf gave you a fake diamond ring. He/she, all along, has lived with this lie to you. The time is now and you have discovered the ring is a fake.

Question: after discovering your diamond ring is a fake and your face turns red, what words would you say to your gf/bf and what action would you take? Would you ever trust them again?

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39 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

It would be pretty stupid since there would have been no call to give me a ring in the first place. I don’t like rings. I’m not into jewels. There’s far better things for us to spend our money on.

But to go along with this scenario. She gives me a stone and tells me it’s a diamond. I find out it isn’t. I think I’d have to talk to her to find out if she was having mental problems or something, because this would be so unlike her.

JLeslie's avatar

The lie would bother me. I had a fake ring when I got engaged because I wanted one until we could afford a real one I really liked. I would have been fine with no ring, but my now husband wanted me to have a ring. I only tell the story to demonstrate I am fine with the fake, just not fine with the misrepresentation if it had been presented to me as real. I would wonder what else he lied about and is willing to lie about. I see how hard it is for my husband to hold a lie and I like that about him.

When am I supposedly finding out, have we been married for years already? Or, are we still just gf/bf and it isn’t an engagement ring?

john65pennington's avatar

The idea for this question came from one of the pawn shop shows on cable. She went in to pawn her “diamong ring” and was told her diamond was not real. A fight and nasty words took place right in the pawn shop with her boyfriend. She was beating him over the head with her pocketbook, as they left the pawn shop.

rebbel's avatar

“Oh, but it still shines as beautifully as it did when you gave it to me thirty-odd years ago!”

Ela's avatar

It’s the thought that counts. I’m a sentimentalist, I find cigar bands perfectly acceptable and very romantic. A fake diamond would mean I would no longer have to worry about losing it (other than for sentimental reasons).
I wouldn’t be engaged for the rock. Sometimes people give you things and they are not what you expected or thought they would/should be. This doesn’t decrease the value of the giving in my eyes. I would want to know the story behind it all. I’m weird like that : P

marinelife's avatar

The fact that they felt the need to lie would upset me. I would much rather have had the truth than a fake ring. It would make me question what else was a lie about the relationship.

Blackberry's avatar

I wouldn’t care.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It’s funny that you should ask this. I lost a diamond in my engagement ring several months ago in The Unfortunate Washing Machine Incident. While stopping in a jewelry store to inquire about having it replaced, this thought crossed my mind.

Had the word come back that the ring’s diamonds were not real, it would be a surprise. I wouldn’t automatically assume my partner lied about it though. He says that it came with papers claiming its authenticity, but he bought it on eBay. I would trust his word and not that of the seller.

That doesn’t really answer the question though. If he knowingly lied about it, he would be told that it was disappointing that he would consider me vain enough to care that it was a real one instead of fake. And yes, I would still trust him.

tom_g's avatar

Doesn’t apply to me because I don’t have a diamond ring. But, if I grant the fantastical premise, I would thank my significant other for making the correct ethical choice of not buying a “real” diamond.

Eggie's avatar

I would ask her why didn’t she just tell me the diamond ring was fake. I would tell her that she didn’t have to lie and then I would take her out and get her some real ones.

GoldieAV16's avatar

I would never accept a ring from or agree to marry someone that I didn’t know well enough to know if a major expense was taken out of one of our accounts (or a major purchase financed, or a loan taken out).

I’m only a romantic when it comes to small gestures. When it comes to the big stuff, I’m a pragmatist.

ragingloli's avatar

I despise rings. They symbolise the chains that you put on slaves and cattle to shackle them in place.

blueiiznh's avatar

This falls in line with realizing that SO is a pathological liar.

In this case, I would flush the ring down the toilet, and make departure and never look back.

Leanne1986's avatar

If he made a point of telling me it was real knowing full well that it was fake then I am sure I would be upset by the lie. However, if he didn’t tell me anything when he gave me the ring I probably wouldn’t know either way and if I liked the ring, I wouldn’t care either way. I would be more upset by a deliberate lie, of any kind, than whether some jewellery was real or fake.

I don’t know how I would deal with it but I would try and take into consideration that the lie probably wasn’t intended as deceit but more likely because he couldn’t afford the real thing but didn’t want to lose face. I would probably get over it.

My boyfriend knows I don’t like diamonds so I would be bothered if he got me a diamond ring in the first place. It would prove that he doesn’t know me as well as he should after all of these years!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

He would tell me and I’d appreciate it. I don’t want a real diamond and my artificially made diamond fools those who care enough to look.

downtide's avatar

If my partner gave me a diamond ring I would know immediately that it is fake because there’s no way on this Earth that he could afford to get me a real one. Especially considering that I never wear jewelry.

digitalimpression's avatar

I would love her forever for not being dumb enough to by a real diamond.

Coloma's avatar

Yep. it’s not the ring it would be the lie. I’ve never cared for rings or diamonds myself, but I do care about integrity.

GladysMensch's avatar

I have a hard time with this question… or more specifically, the answers. Most women are going to say that they would be more upset with the lie than the actual ring. I don’t doubt that. But how big is this lie? Is it a dealbreaker? Does it rank with cheating? Does it rank with “I ate at my desk”, when he actually went out for lunch with friends? What if he never actually says it’s a fake, in that he gave it to you, and you assumed it was real? How many of you did, or are going to ask if it’s real?

JLeslie's avatar

@GladysMensch I almost always can tell a fake from real just looking at it. I would put it pretty high up as far as lies go. I just can’t imagine my husband telling such a lie. I can’t imagine my husband telling me any lie, except the little white ones we all accept like I look beautiful when I am reck. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean I would be shocked to death if I found out he had cheated or lied, only because I know so many who have, and you just never know what will happen. I do expect to know if jewelry is real or costume no matter who gives it to me. I should know the value to insure it if I want to. I can’t imagine not knowing. When my relatives give me jewelry they tell me what stone it is if it is real. I just find it very odd not to know.

If I was married for 10 years when I found out, would I get a divorce? No. But, would I be really stunned he kept a secret from me for that many years, something I wore on my finger every day. It would really bother me. If he never had done a nother suspicious thing I would get over it pretty fast, but if he has any other signs of lying, cheating, being deceitful in any way to me or anyone else, I figure it would probably be another piece to the puzzle of his untrustworthy personality.

ucme's avatar

Not being a materialistic person, i’d not give a shit….fake orgasms though, now that’s a different story!

Seaofclouds's avatar

I wouldn’t care. We never had a discussion about the ring being real/fake when he gave it to me though, so if it turned out to be fake, he wouldn’t have lied since we never talked about him. He simply got down on one knee, pulled out the ring, asked me to marry him, and put the ring on my finger. The conversations about the ring focused on my saying it was beautiful and asking him when he decided to get it because we hadn’t discussed getting one yet.

Ela's avatar

After thinking about this question awhile and reading through the replies… I honestly don’t know what I would do. Deceitfulness has never been a part of my life.
I do know that one of my largest flaws is that when I care deeply for someone, I become blind to a lot of their faults and am far too forgiving and trusting.

Plucky's avatar

I’m assuming the person outright lied about it being a real diamond.

This would most likely never happen to me ..but to answer the question:

I would pretty much feel the same way as @marinelife I think. I don’t care for jewellery all that much (especially expensive jewellery). The fake diamond wouldn’t matter to me…the lie would. And, yes I could forgive the person. There would not be a big fight about it. More so a lot of talking/listening.

likipie's avatar

Does it really matter? Maybe they couldn’t afford a real diamond and they didn’t want you to think differently of them. It really doesn’t matter whether or not it’s real, it’s just for looks. Honestly, I think diamond jewelry is hideous and over priced and people worry about worth way too much. It’s a freaking ring symbolizing your relationship, you’re probably not planning on selling it anytime soon, so it really doesn’t matter.

JLeslie's avatar

I can’t understand anyone who thinks the lie doesn’t matter. When you get engaged you should know and trust someone well enough that their life, including thier financial life, is an open book. I just don’t get it. I am not saying there has to bean all out fight and end of trust talk, but to dismiss it as nothing? I just don’t get it.

Plucky's avatar

I also agree with @Ela (my scrolling missed random posts – new gaming mouse that I haven’t tweaked yet). I’d basically want to know why she lied and/or felt the need to do so. Other than that, it would still be special to me. I don’t think I’d be angry ..perhaps a bit disappointed in the fact she felt she needed to lie.

I wouldn’t have clue if a diamond was fake just by looking at it. They all look shiny and sparkly to me. I’ve never cared enough to take notice of any differences.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@JLeslie I don’t get it either. If their isn’t trust in a relationship, what is there?

I’m not a big fan of jewelry. However, a lie is a lie.

Why get someone a diamond ring and pass it off as real? That’s a lie that doesn’t make sense to me. It feels like the foundation of a bunch of other lies. Does the guy lie about his salary? His job?

If you don’t have the funds to buy a real rock why wouldn’t you communicate that?

I’d be re-analyzing every aspect of the relationship at that point.

Ela's avatar

There’s too many variables with this question. The lie does matter if the question was asked. If I asked at sometime if the diamond was real and was told yes… then yes, it would matter greatly that I was blatantly lied to. I can’t see myself asking, though. To me, to do so would mean that the monetary value of the ring makes a difference… which it doesn’t (to me).
If we had been married for years and during that time the subject of the ring came up and I was repeatedly led to believe it was real because references to price or quality being made, I would feel very betrayed and totally confused as to why I had intentionally been misled. I still cannot see encompassing an entire person or relationship within one incident. If he was always boasting or bringing the ring into conversations then that is an entirely different scenario, imo. I wouldn’t be engaged to such a material man in the first place.
As I said earlier, deceitfulness has never been a part of my life and I don’t foresee it becoming part of my life in the future, so the question is basically moot.

Ela's avatar

Another one of my shortcomings when I care deeply about someone- I truly believe in them.The success or failure of my relationship could not be so fragile and capable of resting on a single incident. I would never throw it all away because I found out my ring was not real. There would be a reason for it and I’d want to know what that reason was.

JLeslie's avatar

@Ela No matter what the reason at the time, what about the days, months, and years until you found out the truth? Assuming you wear the ring, he is seeing it every day, the deception is always in his sight. Holding a lie from someone is usually a huge burden for people.

In marriage not telling is usually equal to lying. I said above that I would not walk out on the one incident, but if there were other parts of ou lives that did not quite fit, other suspicions I had, this would be another piece of the puzzle. If this was the one and only deception, I think that man could never keep te secret for long; it would eat at him.

Ela's avatar

@JLeslie Answer me this… have you ever bought something and hid it from your husband? Doesn’t matter what it was. Have you ever bought something and hid it from him? Millions of women do this every day in their marriages. I never did. Not once. It’s really hard for me to wrap my mind around deceit. I’m sorry, I’ve never been able to understand it.

Saying all this time has passed until I “found out”, to me, is like saying I was looking for it. Like I’d always wondered or cared if it was real. I wouldn’t care and if for whatever reason I was curious or suspicious about it, I’d ask. If he lied to my face about it, that’s an entirely different scenario, imo.

To me, saying someone finally found out is saying the subject has come up prier to this and that’s a completely different ballgame in my eyes.

JLeslie's avatar

@Ela No, I never hide anything I have bought from my husband. I can’t if I wanted to, he pays the bills. But, I don’t want or need to anyway. I agree a lot of men are unaware of all the spending their wives do, mostly because they just aren’t paying attention, some women take advantage of it more than their husband would probably “approve” of, but approve is not really the word I am searching for.

I am not saying at all that you are looking for it, I don’t even understand how you interpret what I am saying that way? I would think a suspicious person, or one obsessed with needing to know how much the ring is worth, or how many carats, would have something like that checked out right away. No one is accusing the bf/gf or spouse who wears the ring of questioning or being suspicious. At least not that I can tell from the answers above.

Saying someone finally found out, only means to me that the person probably assumed the ring is real, and later finds out its not. It doesn’t mean the subject came up before, not to me. Would you ever assume the ring is fake? I mean, I would if it is obviously a huge diamond and there is no possible way ever it could be afforded by the person. But, if it looked like an average engagement ring, I think most people would assume it is real.

I rather know it is fake, not have diamonds at all, or know it is real.

ratboy's avatar

My s/o is an inveterate liar, as am I. Such things pass by us as water rolls off a duck’s back.

lonelydragon's avatar

It would definitely make me question the relationship, not because of the ring itself but because he felt the need to lie to me about it. I would wonder what else he is keeping from me…

Ela's avatar

@JLeslie I like to believe that I would know and trust my SO well enough to know that the ring wasn’t fake to intentionally deceive me. I’m sorry, I just can’t imagine myself with someone who would deliberately lie to me.

JLeslie's avatar

@Ela Me either. Was that your point all along? I said the same. I can’t imagine it, not with my husband. But, the question is what if it did. Sometimes things happen we never would imagine.

Ela's avatar

@JLeslie LoL Yea, it was. Sorry I didn’t express myself well. I’m not very articulate.

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