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mazingerz88's avatar

What announcement would you make in this flight emergency scenario?

Asked by mazingerz88 (18425 points ) May 2nd, 2012

This is just a fun question more than anything else. Humorous and crazy answers are preferred but if anybody chooses to make a realistically serious announcement, that’s quite welcome as well.

The fantasy scenario? During your flight home in a Boeing 747 airline, all sorts of things went wrong and suddenly you are the one sitting in the pilot’s seat in the cockpit, the only passenger who has to receive instruction from the tower to land the plane and save the lives of your 148 co-passengers.

You flick the switch to address the people whose lives depend on you. What would your announcement be?

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10 Answers

ucme's avatar

“ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!! What the fuck do all these buttons do? Mammy!!!!!!!!”
“Ladies & gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed your flight…..lives, we will shortly be coming in to crash in a ditch, flames licking at your rotten corpses….land, have a nice funeral day”

ratboy's avatar

Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign so that you may more easily kiss your asses goodbye.

WestRiverrat's avatar

I would be too busy talking to ground control to worry about what to tell the passengers. I wouldn’t tell them anything.

redfeather's avatar

In the words of Jack Handey…

“I’d see of I could organize a quick thing of group sex because, c’mon you squares!”

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Sorry losers, you picked a lousy day to fly.

mazingerz88's avatar

Nothing to worry about folks, I got it! By the way, in case there’s a priest back there, could you please scooch over here-?

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Ladies and Gentleman, this is your acting Captain speaking. I has many hours of experience on some of the early versions of Microsoft Flight Simulator. I’m pretty good at take-offs and landings, but navigation has always been a problem. The problems we have been experiencing were due to health problems with the original flight crew. I did not eat any of the Airline meals so I will be fine. This plane is very advanced and with help from the tower, I have set the auto-pilot correctly. This will line us up for a safe landing at the nearest suitable airport.

There is no need for panic because like I said, I’m pretty good at landings and the person in the tower and I seem to be getting along fine. Sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight but do keep your seat belts on just in case the landing is a bit bumpy. I’ll keep you advised of our progress for those of you who still feel anxious. I slept well at a Best Western Hotel last night, and I took all my medications this morning. If someone could come forward and clean my bifocals, that would be a big help later on. For now, I can sort of make out what’s on the instruments I really need to land this puppy, but I will want to be able to read the lines and signals as I approach the airport.

Does anyone know how to tune the stereo to something more soothing? I can’t even find it!

Symbeline's avatar

Uh…time for an orgy, yall.

mazingerz88's avatar

@Dr_Lawrence Ha ha ha! Tune the stereo!

@Symbeline Darn. Do we even have time? Left my booster pills at home, shoot. Lol.

Only138's avatar

@Symbeline Fuckin’ A!!!. ;)

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