Social Question

tranquilsea's avatar

(NSFW) Can you give me your best techniques?

Asked by tranquilsea (17238 points ) May 4th, 2012

For blowjobs.

Through the chaos that is our lives we have let this aspect of our sex life shrivel and die. I want to be able to give my husband the best BJ I can but I’m a little unsure of technique. This is complicated by the fact that my jaw fatigues quite easily due to a trauma it suffered years ago. So tips for timing, hand work etc would be helpful. I realize that any suggestions given may or may not be what my hubby needs.

This is quite important to me as we have been through a LOT and he has done a LOT for me.

Can you help me out?

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29 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

I want to talk about one aspect of this, and that is the “show.” This is about helping your man feel like you really are enjoying what you are doing. For me, the idea has been a little yucky. I mean, I enjoy the feeling immensely, but I wouldn’t want to be doing that. It’s just the idea—the other function of my penis. Also the idea of swallowing something of such a viscous and salty nature. I am not an okra fan, so it was hard for me to imagine a woman enjoying that.

And if my woman wasn’t enjoying it, I didn’t want to ask her to do it. So it took away from my enjoyment, thinking that she is doing something as a favor for me, but it is really not that much fun for her. For me to enjoy it, she kind of has to convince me she is enjoying it.

What tells me she is enjoying it? Well, I want her to look up at me to see how I am doing. I love seeing her eyes alight. She lights up when she sees I am enjoying myself and that is a kind of feedback circle.

Also, the noises she makes are very important. There are these little grunts women make in the back of their throats sometimes that sound almost like they are having more fun than I am. Sometimes this can be accompanied by evidence that she is turned on doing this. If she starts rubbing her crotch—maybe against my leg or with her hand—it seems to indicate that she is so turned on by what she is doing that she might cum, too.

Also, I like it when she takes her time. In porn, I see a lot of women acting like suction cups and they seem to go up and down so roughly, and it just doesn’t look nice to me. I like her to tease me. Be soft, not hard, pressure wise. Make me want more. But keep it soft and keep on looking up at me, and licking me with your tongue out of your mouth and a smile on your face. That “cat got the cream” look is priceless and such a turn-on.

I don’t know if other guys are different, and like things rougher than I do. Women will stroke the cock so hard, and I cringe when I see this. But maybe porn actors have no nerves, or they’ve had some cream applied to deaden the nerves and so they can go on and on forever.

I do like a bit of hand stroking towards the base when you’re ready for me to cum. A little extra pressure at the end can make things happen fast.

And right after, I don’t know what it is with me, but I want you to stop. Just stay there. Don’t move. Mouth on my cock. I’m too sensitive. I can’t stand any stimulation at that moment. It hurts. I just want to collapse back.

Soon, but not right away, I’ll want you to crawl up next to me and cuddle and kiss. I’m not afraid of “penis-breath.” I don’t quite get it, anyway. Why would I let you swallow and have that be ok for you, but I can’t even feel comfortable enough to kiss you? That’s just not right. Also a turn-off for you, I would think.

And, you know, maybe we rest a bit, and my penis softens a bit, but you start playing with it. Very gently. Just teasing me. And who knows? Maybe it starts to get hard again, and you look at me with that dirty, evil look, and say, “someone’s a glutton, I see,” and down you go again? That would be totally amazing!

GladysMensch's avatar

I think this just about covers it all.

too long to paste here

LuckyGuy's avatar

I don’t know about the rest of you but my heart is beating a bit faster right now. Whew!

If anyone wants to practice….~

Blackberry's avatar

Make your mouth really wet and slobbery and work on your gag reflex.

tranquilsea's avatar

@GladysMensch oh the things you find on craigslist lol

tedd's avatar

Personal tips:
-Get your hand/s involved. Your lips/tongue feel great, but they don’t get enough stroking/pressure to really finish the job.
-Learn to deep throat, it’s heavenly.
-Personally I enjoy a bit of a look of intimidation from the girl before and during the act. Probably some kind of subconscious “brute-grunt-power-domination-man” thing.
-Noises, are very important. Gagging, grunts, moans, etc.
-If I’m standing or sitting and you are on your knees, I enjoy being able to see your butt and the arch of your back…. so make sure I can. (this doesn’t really apply if you’re lying down)
-Enjoying it yourself/Playing with yourself add to my pleasure. Added points if you can pull off this one and the intimidated/innocent/scared look at the same time.

Facade's avatar

If you have jaw issues, you can use your hands firmly on his shaft and work the tip with your lips and tongue. Don’t be afraid to get a little nasty ;)

fundevogel's avatar

Sex Nerd Sandra has a couple of episodes of her podcast dedicated to BJ’s. I highly recommend her show.

redfeather's avatar

I switch it up a lot. Hands here, lips there, lick over here, suck on those (in my experience, guys like when you remember their balls), press the tip into the inside of my cheek, etc.

ucme's avatar

I just lie back with a huge grin playing across my lips.

ragingloli's avatar

Massage the prostate while you do it. Fingers, buttplug, huge dildo, take your pick.

ETpro's avatar

Re the jaw issues, if you get the area slippery enough with the saliva that attempted seep throating produces, then hands work just as well as mouths. You might want to practice a bit to avoid any serious gagging. If you can learn to stimulate the gag reflex just a bit, it causes the mouth and throat to produce copious amounts of very slippery saliva. That’s the body’s natural defense against choking, making it easier for anything stuck deep in the throat to either slide on down to the stomach or come back up so you can keep your airway open and stay alive. It’s also better than Vaseline or even KY Jelly for a sexual lubricant. Nature’s own.

Works great to grease the way for that prostate massage @ragingloli suggested, too.

I recall one lover who was particularly gifted at using this technique coupled with her long hair thrown over her head to obscure what she was doing. It was quite awhile before I caught on that I was not getting continuous deep-throat head. And by the time I caught on, I also knew it felt so great I really could care less how she was managing to do it.

One thing she did that bothered me. When the moment of truth came, as it generally did pretty quickly, she kept it in her mouth, then spit the result into a towel. I’d have rather she either learned to swallow or just pull it out and finish it with the hands. Imagine how you;d feel if your SO went down on you, and as soon as you started feeling good and producing copious lubrication, he commenced to pulling away to spit into a towel.

tranquilsea's avatar

@ETpro I agree with you regarding the spitting issue. Thanks for your input.

ETpro's avatar

@tranquilsea You’re most welcome. Happy trails to you and your SO. He’s a lucky man.

Agent99's avatar

Hands and fingers are important, as are his balls and butt (in, out, or around… however much he’s comfortable with it, play with it, including the area between the balls and the um, hole). Use your mouth to stimulate his balls, too. Hold the base of the penis in one hand, and use the other to play with nearby areas. The area just below the head, on the underside of the penis, is usually very sensitive, and can be stimulated by using your mouth kind of sideways on the underside. That is, he doesn’t always need to be completely in your mouth. I’m with you guys on the spitting thing… that’s just rude. Swallow, damn it! If you just can’t make yourself, then don’t let him cum in your mouth. Lastly, enjoy the hell out of it, and make sure he know it!

When your jaw starts to ache, switch it up and use your hand for a minute or two. You can also run your slightly parted (wet) lips up and down the shaft without opening your mouth for a bit.

FutureMemory's avatar

@tranquilsea Bless you…the world needs more women with your attitude.

ETpro's avatar

@tranquilsea I think @Agent99 brings up a good point. Unless a guy is either gay or very confident of his own gender identity, he may react negatively to any form of anal play. You probably know him well enough to know where his limits lie, but if not, test for limits.

linguaphile's avatar

To add to the above, put plenty, plenty of spit on your hands while you rub up and down. If you grasp gently with both hands like you’re adding a tube from your mouth with your hands, and lubricate very well with spit, then bring the penis into your mouth, then as you pull out, add your hands in the ‘mouth tube’ and vice versa, you can make it feel like your mouth’s incredibly long. That takes care of needing to deep throat and works better with your jaw when a man is really, really large.

One guy liked for me to hum… he liked the vibration.

Different guys can taste very, very different. One guy I could swallow easily without a problem, but another guy- I could not stand the smell of his cum and eventually couldn’t even give him bj’s because I’d near-vomit from the smell. If your husband’s cum is easy to swallow, great! If it is not, then finish with a handjob—that helps when the cum is not tolerable.

If anal play isn’t comfortable, you can still massage the prostate by pressing between/behind the testicles.

tranquilsea's avatar

You guys are awesome! I cannot think of one place I could go on-line where I could ask this question and get real answers.

wundayatta's avatar

A lot of different techniques described here. Some of them I’ll bet are pretty personal. That is, they will only work with the person describing them doing them. Some of the techniques don’t sound that pleasant to me. Others sound pretty interesting.

Suppose there were a blow job competition. I wonder how many men would turn down the opportunity to be the judge in that competition?

Except…...

The aspect of love plays a huge role, and if you’re blowing a random stranger, then it’s really not there so much. You need a relationship in order to deliver a really fantastic blow job, I think. You need to really have strong feelings for the guy. Maybe a really good actress could act it, but it seems to me that most women wouldn’t really want to win the contest badly enough to be able to simulate true love for a judge’s cock. It’s rare, I think, to see a woman who really enjoys what she’s doing in porn. There are a few, but most of the emotion looks decidedly simulated.

ETpro's avatar

@wundayatta Amen. I can’t even imagine getting a BJ through a glory hole. It has NOTHING to do with the skill of the person on the other side of the wall. It’s just taking one of the most intimate, interpersonal acts known to wo/man (oral sex) and utterly dehumanizing it. In the beginning (head) and end (ass) the brain is the only important erogenous zone in the human body. I’m guessing those who seek out glory holes have a brain that shuns real human contact. They are really looking for some sort of accu-climax robot where no human interaction is required, or even possible.

tranquilsea's avatar

I have to feel love and a deep trust in order to climax. I have that with my husband so I can really see where you, @wundayatta and @ETpro, are coming from.

I have an idea of what he needs and these answers have helped increase my confidence. Besides if things go that wrong I’ll switch things up.

tranquilsea's avatar

I’ll just say that he was surprised and pleased. My jaw handled it and I discovered that I’m a swallower and not a spitter.

Here’s a serious and heartfelt thank you fellow Flutherers.

ETpro's avatar

@tranquilsea I;m delighted it went well, and I am sure your hubby is, as well. He’s got himself a pretty special woman.

FutureMemory's avatar

I really wish this thread had ‘lasted longer’, :)

tranquilsea's avatar

LOL @FutureMemory it lasted just long enough :-P

Deklandb's avatar

Oh my god, your husband lives in heaven!!!

Deklandb's avatar

Actually, i know you already put your improvements into practice, but have you ever 69’d and tried to cum at the same time? While doing the other stuff everyone suggested too of course. You could also (go with me on this) let him tie you to a headboard, or dresser, or whatevet you have and pretend to be his sex-slave. If your able to build or buy a cage attach a vibrator to the base, and hopefully this will give you unrelentless forced orgasms. Hold his penis in your mouth during the last 5 seconds of your orgasm and make some noise, i guarentee it will bw the hardest he’s ever cummed, unfortunately it might also be the fastest!

tranquilsea's avatar

Thanks for the tips @Deklandb. I’ve been working on my quick release knots ;-)

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