Do people who love to go on and on and ON about their home improvement and decorating projects also like to listen to others do the same?

Well, it could be their personality. Do they go on and on and on about other things? Their kids, or whatever?

I think not, I reckon they’d be more than happy to listen to a recording of themselves “prattling” on & on & zzzzzzzzzz

I don’t think so, something of a twist though. I usually observe the crazy about cats people trade off with the crazy about new babies people and they seem satisfied to at least have been heard by another live adult. I believe that part is good for the soul.

Daddy always said; ‘an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.’
Steel Magnolias

I feel like they’re oblivious to everything else. They are incapable of holding a real conversation with people. They are simply making sure you know the things they want you to know about themselves. If two of them get together, they simply use the time the other person is talking to think of what they want to say next.
This does not only apply to people who have home improvement projects going on. I’ve known two women especially who would call me and immediately start updating me about their lives as if I had been waiting in breathless anticipation for the next installment. If I happen to throw out a comment or a small tidbit of my own, one in particular says “mm hmm, so then I told her…”
They bore the shit out of me.
The longer I live, the more I feel like I need to go somewhere that there are no people at all and just never talk to anybody.

Apparently you have met my oldest brother.

Well, I have exchanged remodeling horror stories with quite a few people. I did listen to theirs.

I also like a bunch of remodeling shows on HGTV.

I love sharing decorating ideas with people, so yes.

@marinelife, @YARNLADY I have a difficult time believing that you are like the people that @Jeruba describes, either by going on at length without noticing the other person’s glazed eyes or without allowing for two way communication. Sharing what you consider to be interesting experiences on the one hand, and describing in minutiae details that are unnecessary and yammering on ad nauseum are two different things. The former is acceptable and we all do that about various topics. The latter do not fit my mental image of either of you.

People talk about what interests them. I’d say it’s similar to discussions of grammar between an editor and someone who uses emoticons extensively. ;) <—- see, he’s winking!

They’re drawing their half of the fish in the sand, if you don’t want to join in a business setting I always just steer back with something like

”I’m horrible at that stuff, but I hear you are great at <task I need from you>”

Thanks to those who read the details. Again, I’m asking: do people who do this like to listen to each other? Do they enjoy hearing others’ stories as much as they enjoy telling theirs?

So—in other words—do they honestly believe someone wants to hear it?

Yes, it has been my experience that as @marinelife mentions, people exchange remodeling nightmare stories all the time and I’ve discussed my projects with other people who have done the same kinds of things and listened to their stories. Remodeling and building can be both a joy and nightmare and it can be a pretty involved and stressful process. And I’ve wanted to listen to other people’s stories both to commiserate and get useful info. People exchanging remodeling and building stories is kind of like exchanging war stories. There’s kind a comradery there.

@Jeruba

Subtle.

My reply (can’t speak for others) was a diplomatic way of stating they may enjoy talking about home improvement as much as you enjoy speaking about the things that interest you. Or maybe a lot more. Finding someone else who enjoys the same things might make you happy and you may want to share your knowledge and experience, or maybe you would rather just keep your interests personal. You may think the person making conversation with you isn’t on your level, or has their priorities wrong, or you’re simply too busy to take the time.

But really, like any group of people who share only one relatively minor interest, those who enjoy home improvement are a varied lot. I’m assuming you know this, so I took your question, at least partially, as an opportunity for you to vent.

If you’re saying you would never bore others with the details of your life, and so you can’t understand why they would, that’s not really related to gates, or to planters, or to driveways.

Probably

If they are involved in renovations and that sort of work then they probably would be interested in hearing the other party’s experiences, yes.

It is about their home or something that is important to them and people like to talk to people about things that interest or are important to them. Given the popularity of home reno shows, I would be surprised if they weren’t interested in reciprocating.

Yes, I read the details, and yes, I love going on and on about it, as well as listening to someone do the same thing. I do think there should be an equal give and take, and I would expect the other person to participate as well.

Hmm, maybe. Talking about it with others who have similar experiences or interests is one thing, like sharing a common bond. But for them to go on and on about it to you, completely out of context and with no expectation of reciprocation? One-way talkers.

Some might, some might not.

Either they can’t afford to pay for these improvements to be done by contractors and overcompensate with mind numbing details meant to hide this fact or they are so overworked and seize any and every opportunity to share their otherworldly albeit boring accomplishments.

Back when I was doing home remodeling projects I loved to talk about the trials and tribulations, and trade pointers on how to get this and that done. I certainly hope I never imposed that sort of conversation on an unwilling listener, though. Conversation, as I understand it, should be a two-way street. When it’s not, it doesn’t make much difference what the subject matter is, it’s a verbal assualt on the senses of a forced audience.

@Cruiser, I think some people just love reno work and they assume everyone else loves it too. I think I am guilty of sharing our renovation nightmares with people. I do always listen to people when they share their experiences though.

When we were doing remodeling in our home, neighbors we hadn’t met came by to see what we were doing. Neighbors we are friends with would stop by daily to see what was happening. The entire ritual consisted of listening to their stories and recommendations of contractors and designs and going over our own accomplishments, horrors stories, plans and dreams.

If it is the same topic I think they usually do like hearing the stories. They learn something new, share information. If it is the other person switching to what interests them and their own projects, and it does not interest the first person, then probably not.

People who like to talk a lot, I think they can be in a “conversation” with someone else and the two people kind of talk past each other, they like to hear themselves, or vent their thoughts. People who are not big talkers, I think they can only tolerate conversations that are on point, discussing something they specifically have an interest in. If they share the interest, then yes, they will listen to your story and comment on it. I see this with my husband and his friends in our car club. The ones who are not big talkers suddenly get very animated when the conversation is about cars, they want to hear stories as mich as tell their own. Switch the subject and they stay in for a short time maybe and then tune out, leave, or are obviously bored.

That’s my observation anyway.

I can’t stand when people do this to me. It’s like..“Do you really think I give a shit??” I mean, sure, maybe mention you’re working on something around the house, but if I didn’t ask you about it in the first place, what are the chances I want to listen to you go on and on and ON (love that third capitalized “ON”, Jeruba) about it in minute detail? I have an uncle that does this to me all the time. He is completely clueless how inappropriate he is.

When the person you’re talking to can only manage one-word replies like “yeah”, “really?”, or “right” for extended periods, they are bored to tears and are just too polite to tell you so.

I am SO thrilled when he finally leaves my house after one of his unannounced visits.

I’m not communicating well tonight, I guess. I called up the agent who manages our bond portfolio in order to ask him to make a purchase for me. Instead of just taking care of business, he kept me on the phone for a solid 15 minutes telling me about work he is doing on his house. All my polite attempts to turn the tide of the discussion back to my business concerns failed; he was set on completing his story regardless of its irrelevance to the purpose of my call. I was a captive audience because I needed him to manage a transaction for me.

I did not ask this question to vent. I asked it because I really wanted to know: Do people who do this—force their stories on random uninterested parties in an inappropriate context—like having similar stories told to them?

Isn’t there a clear difference between this situation and swapping stories with an interested party in an appropriate social setting?

Maybe home projects seem to launch more people into monologue mode, or maybe I am just sensitive to them because they bore me so desperately.

I’ve had people do this to me. It’s a measure of their lack of social skills, and most definitely so when they do it in a business setting where they risk offending a client.

Or maybe you are attracting it. It is indeed remarkable that all the story tellers want to expound to you on home renovations. This, I have not experienced.

I don’t think it is appropriate in a business setting. I am quite sure if you did that to your accountant or solicitor, it would show on your bill!

If you are calling with a business question or to discuss your investments, and you aren’t personal friends, they should stay on topic unless you take the conversation off track yourself.

I don’t think they would like it if they were paying for the time themselves.

They must be completely clueless that they’re even doing it. I mean, if they knew, they wouldn’t do it, right? I hope. At least some of them must recognize the behavior in others (and not appreciate it, either!), but never see it in themselves. I can’t imagine that anyone likes to listen to long, detailed monologues about subjects that don’t interest them.

@Jeruba There is a difference. In your example he launched into conversation that was not on task. Does he want you to talk about it to? Sure, he would be happy to listen to your stories I think. Should he have been easily redirected back to the real matter at hand? Yes. Generally sales people like to talk, that is why they are comfirtable in their jobs. They build rapport many times by talking about stuff that is outside of what is the main topic, what is being sold, or in your case, your bond portfolio. If you like how he handles your portfolio, but he chronically talks about unrelated topics during conversations, I would suggest starting the conversation with, “Hi John, I only have a couple of minutes, but I have a quick question for you.” Or, have your husband yell for you so the person on the other end of the phone can hear, acknowledge his call, and then tell John you have to run, and get him to get to the real meaning of the call fast. Half serious, you just need to turn the topic back, or say you need to hang up somehow, and he will switch back to main topic probably. If it isn’t usually a problem, you probably just called him when he had all this home stuff on his mind.

Having read the details, again, my answer remains consistent.

I guess I’m still not sure what the question is. In your comment above you ask:

Do people who do this—force their stories on random uninterested parties in an inappropriate context—like having similar stories told to them? ....

Isn’t there a clear difference between this situation and swapping stories with an interested party in an appropriate social setting?

Maybe home projects seem to launch more people into monologue mode, or maybe I am just sensitive to them because they bore me so desperately.

It may be that home improvement stories bore you so much. I think one-way talkers, who force their stories on people in inappropriate context come in many varieties. I don’t think it’s limited to home improvement people. I’ve had long, boring stories force on me and no doubt, have probably forced them on other people. And some people, no matter what it is they are talking about, are one way talkers, always talking, never listening.

What exactly was the home improvement he was working on? Was it a bigger project or was it really something as trivial as building wooden planters or a driveway gate?

Some people just go on and on about things that are of interest to them, that they are excited about or deeply involved in, as in yes, I am interested in your children but not necessarily interested in an accounting of each and every minute of their day, or each and every accomplishment, no matter how big or how small, and yes I would like to hear about your vacation, but again, not an accounting of every damn second of it.

I think @Jeruba real question is…why the hell is someone I call for a specific business need talking about personal unrelated BS? Does he want to have a long two way conversation off the main reason I called him?

It is not really a question about discussing home decor and renovation, it could be anything that keeps her on the phone or in a conversation that is unreapted to the matter at hand.

@Jeruba You can correct me if I am wrong.

Well, home improvement is a LOT of work, and for many people, much of what they run in to is totally unexpected and they have to back up and come at it from a different direction. Crooked corners, walls, whatever. People who have tackled a DIY project are very likely to understand and sympathize with people who are in the middle of the battle. If one has never attempted an undertaking like that, never tried to do it by themselves, they are more likely to be bored because they don’t know what it’s like.

Man, if there’s anything that shouldn’t be covered by the 1st Amendment, it’s that home “improvement” crap! ;-(

I guess we can surmise from this thread that Jeruba hates home improvement. I’m ready for the next question, please. :)