Social Question

sylesterthetiger's avatar

A few people have wronged me quite severely in the past. How do I deal with such an issue?

Asked by sylesterthetiger (10 points ) May 10th, 2012

I have faced criticism and harassment in the past and it has never been remotely an issue. However these people took things quite far and since it was within a former social circle of mine, they have been able to get away with the ordeal. Most days I can get by however I feel anger and the need for justice on some days (Note: I am not interested in harming them but having their “true faces” revealed to society and their family and friends). Nothing physical was done but it had a psychological effect.

I resent those days as it feels like hell. I have my own activites and interest and this bitterness sometimes gets in the way of those things.

Have you had any similar experiences? What kind of advice can you throw my way? All help is appreciated.

Thank you.

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6 Answers

janbb's avatar

I was abused in my childhood by a family member. When I started dealing with it in therapy, I eventually wrote this person a letter confronting them and showing my anger. We didn’t speak for a few years but are now back on better terms. The confrontation didn’t take away the bitterness but it lessened it and strengthened me. I would suggest either that and/or therapy so that your current life isn’t poisoned if you can’t leave it behind you.

wundayatta's avatar

I think most people who experience things like this experience them in adolescence. It is during adolescence that what other people think about you and how they treat you is most important over the course of a life span. Usually, as people grow older, this kind of behavior becomes less and less of a problem, because people stop caring so much. It’s mostly in high school that social reputation seems like everything.

What most people do is grow up. They graduate from high school. Then things like this stop mattering so much. By the time most people are thirty, I’d say, nothing from high school counts any more. The exception is if you are in a very cliquey sector of the economy, like fashion or something.

So if you think to yourself that in a few years, none of this will matter, it might help you ignore it. Stick to your real friends. Ignore the people who are bad-mouthing you. Honest. They don’t matter… or they wouldn’t matter if you paid no attention to them.

True faces and anger and psychology are all well and good, but transitory. It’s probably not worth worrying about. The more you think about it, the worse it becomes. The less you think about it, the more trivial it becomes. Let it go. Focus on things that are important to you. Your reputation is just not that important as people might make it seem.

philosopher's avatar

@sylesterthetiger
I was betrayed and let down by family. I understand that you prefer not to think about them.
I have family that loves me and friends. I have not thought about them in years. Till they recently attempted to contact me.
Maybe Therapy would help you. It never really helped me much because only those that have experienced the life I have can truly empathize.
I will not allow their poison into my life. They have contacted me to clear their conscious and to use me. It will never happen.
They see me as the child I once was. I am a strong intelligent women and I have endured more than they ever have. They are foolish to think that they matter to me.
When you think of these people remember instead all you have accomplished in life. Focus on the positive things in your life.
I truly hope this helps you.

marinelife's avatar

Really, the best thing that you can do for your inner peace is to try to cut those people out of your life so no future harm occurs.

Then, you should forgive and move on. Not for them, but for you. So you are not left with the bitterness.

Perhaps to do that you will have to work through all of your feelings first (a therapist could be a big help with that).

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

You have been told that forgiving those who hurt you is necessary for you to heal. It’s not for their sake’s. If you can find a way to do this, then find a good therapist to help you get to this point in your life.

filmfann's avatar

Wait till they run for President, then call a news conference to announce their hate crimes.

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