General Question

paperbackhead's avatar

Am I just an ugly girl?

Asked by paperbackhead (330 points ) May 22nd, 2012

Ever since I could remember I’ve never been called “ugly”, 23 years later nowadays everyone and anyone calls me ugly- including my parents. I don’t see myself as ugly, but the one thing that really irks me is when someone says, “Oh you think you’re pretty?” Cause yeah I do think I’m pretty. So am I just ugly and don’t see it?

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28 Answers

Charles's avatar

Can you post a photo?

laurenkem's avatar

Ever hear the expression, “Pretty is as pretty does”? Are people (friends and parents) really calling you ugly to your face? That’s pretty harsh. However, an old southern term that my own mother still uses when I’m being a bitch is, “Don’t be ugly.” I guess I don’t really know what you’re asking.

paperbackhead's avatar

@laurenkem I’m talking about physical appearance. And no but whenever they get the chance they say it behind my back.

blueiiznh's avatar

The one bird who did not, could not,
Fit in
My mother and brothers laughed
At me
I feel like I do not belong in here
In this place
I am a small black pea
In a sea of white grains
No time or place
Cast Out
Ostracized
Isolated
Different
From my family
Until I learned
I am not an ugly duckling
Not a deformed bird
But a
Beautiful
Gorgeous
Stunning
Swan
~N Oldberg

Paradox25's avatar

There is no way for anybody here to answer such a question, even if we had a photo. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and many guys such as myself find that we’re attracted much more to behaviors, demeanors, personalities, traits, intelliegence, etc than many seemingly ‘attractive’ girls can exhibit. I have found what many many considered to be average, or less than attractive women, to actually have a much stronger sexual appeal to them than the so-called more ‘attractive’ ones.

Self-esteem and confidence are of equal importance to me. However, being too dependent on others to boost your self-esteem (which breeds confidence) can be a mentally dangerous thinking pattern. You’re probably going to have to dig down very deep, evaluate yourself, and find things about yourself that you like, despite what others say/think. When you finally decide to embrace yourself and create your own self-esteem (easier said than done but necessary) then you will find that general things in your life will start to come together. Happiness really is within.

dontmindme's avatar

Only people who are ugly on the inside call others ugly.

just my opinion

laurenkem's avatar

@dontmindme I agree. I personally never apply that word to anyone, as their inside could be very ugly indeed, even while appearing to be pretty on the outside.

lillycoyote's avatar

To be entirely honest, if people are constantly telling you, right to your face, that you’re ugly then you are either doing or saying something to bring this on yourself or you need, really need, to get a whole batch of new friends. Do you talk about your looks a lot? Do you ask people whether or not they think you are pretty? Do you comment on other people’s looks? If people are saying to you “Oh you think you’re pretty?” then there is some reason that they know that you think you’re pretty, some reason they have gotten that impression. I’m hardly the Elephant Man but I’ve never been the prettiest girl in the world either. If people talked to me that way I wouldn’t tolerate it. But people don’t talk to me that way.

If it is because you have somehow managed to surround yourself with rude, cruel people you need new friends. You can’t get new parents though, so simply tell them that you won’t tolerate being spoken to that way any more.

I really doubt you are simply just plain ugly and that that is all it’s about, though.

paperbackhead's avatar

@lillycoyote I would never ask my friends if they thought I was pretty. If I did it would be an indication of a self esteem issue, I never comment on anyones appearance its not my place, and I wouldnt want someone to feel bad about themselves. I don’t smile a lot, I look kinda mean but its not intentional.

laurenkem's avatar

@lillycoyote Good point! If people are constantly telling you you’re not pretty, is it because you’re constantly asking if you’re pretty? Do you walk about with an “I’m pretty, I can do anything I want” attitude. Do you criticize other girls for not being “pretty”?

paperbackhead's avatar

@laurenkem like I said I would never ask anyone if they thought i was pretty. Read my response to lillycoyote.

ETpro's avatar

@paperbackhead Welllll, You sure didn’t choose a screen name that suggest you go around telling people you’re pretty. And in the only picture we have to judge by, you look like a yellow-green jellyfish. Now I happen to think jellyfish can be very pretty, but I’m just guessing that isn’t a picture of you. So it it’s physical looks you are talking about and you aren’t willing to post a link to an actual photo of yourself, how can we say.

All I can add to that is that @dontmindme posted a great truth about those that would criticize you as being ugly. Even if you did constantly go around flaunting your good looks and expecting the world to be your oyster because you’re so beautiful, there are much better ways to deal with it than passive-aggressive snipping.

lillycoyote's avatar

@paperbackhead Then you need either need new friends, or you need to tell both your friends and your parents that you will no longer tolerate being spoken to that way. Maybe they are just teasing you and they don’t understand that it bothers you as much as it does. Short of actually seeing your face I don’t know what else to say.

And maybe you just need to smile more!!

One of the nicest things I ever heard about myself, that a friend told me someone had said was: “I never thought Lilly was all that pretty but when she smiles, she’s beautiful.”

So smile!

And, damn, remembering that one now, from so long ago ... I don’t smile all that much either. I need to smile more too!

And I still really doubt that you are actually just plain ugly.

paperbackhead's avatar

@ETpro its a Tegan and Sara song. I just ignore it.

ETpro's avatar

@paperbackhead I was teasing about the screen name. Just ignore it.:-)

Asuming that’s you in the avatar now, I think you’re pretty. And I’m glad to have your beauty here with us on Fluther. Welcome aboard.

Sunny2's avatar

If your avatar is your picture, you look to me like a very good looking woman, not girl. Your skin is gorgeous. Your features all look attractive. If that’s not you, I don’t don’t have anything to judge, do I. I can’t imagine why anyone would tell someone they were ugly unless maybe they are teasing you because the opposite its true. If that’s the case, tease them back. You can say, “I know. I’ll have to wear a veil.” or “Yeah, I cry about it every night.”

rooeytoo's avatar

You’re pretty as a picture. What the hell is wrong with the people around you??? You know they say you are stuck with your family but you can choose your friends and once you are old enough you can choose how much contact you want to have with your family. Sometimes people just like to be mean and maybe that is the case with you. I would stay away from such negativity as much as you possibly can. Find friends who appreciate you and value you.

Bellatrix's avatar

If that is you in your avatar, you are a very pretty young woman and if your friends and family think differently a trip to an eye specialist is required for them. Plus I would drop them off at both a psychologist’s office and a charm school while you are at it.

I agree with the members who have said it is rude and cruel to call anyone ugly. We all have something beautiful about us – even if it isn’t something physical. Get some new friends and try not to let these comments affect your self-esteem. Hard I know, but really you have no reason to have any doubt about your looks.

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robmandu's avatar

”...everyone and anyone calls me ugly…”

Um, paranoid much?

I know lots and lots of people that I don’t find physically attractive. But I don’t go around thinking about most folks in “that way” in any case. I also know that I don’t sit around with my friends and family discussing how ugly other people are.

@Bellatrix is correct: if your avatar photo is actually you, then you look fine. You are not ugly in a physical way. I’m more concerned with how you think you know what everybody is saying behind your back.

Leanne1986's avatar

You look pretty enough to me if that is your picture in your avatar. I find it very sad that you’re parents call you ugly unless they use it as a term of endearment (my dad always tells me, if I ask him to do something that I am quite capale of doing myself, that I am “big enough and ugly enough” to do it myself!) He doesn’t actually think I am ugly, I’m sure.

NostalgicChills's avatar

If that is your picture in your avatar, you are so pretty, and I don’t know what your “friends” are talking about. Here is some advice; get new friends. Don’t let anyone bring you down.

paperbackhead's avatar

@robmandu what I meant was people on the street, and in class. And yes everyone that’s my face.

chyna's avatar

@paperbackhead Random people on the street call you ugly? You live in one mean town!

paperbackhead's avatar

@chyna yep NYC can be a mean town.

laurenkem's avatar

I find it very hard to believe that complete strangers walk up to you and call you “ugly” (even in NYC).

paperbackhead's avatar

@laurenkem they don’t walk up and say it, they just say it in passing. And some people even point and say it.

ETpro's avatar

@paperbackhead Well if I were not a faithfully married man, I’d be more than willing to demonstrate to you first hand that I think you are very attractive. :-)

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