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bookish1's avatar

Have you been with the right person at the wrong time?

Asked by bookish1 (13052 points ) June 2nd, 2012

Have you been in the position of feeling like you found the “right” person for you, but the timing or circumstances made it impossible to continue? How did you decide that? What did you tell yourself to get over it or move on? Are you still in touch with them, and could you envision becoming closer again if circumstances were to change?

It feels like I was just in this situation. I had a really deep connection with someone but because of big impending changes in both of our lives/careers, we decided to break off romantic ties and just remain friends. I’m not angry or hurt, just frustrated at the situation.

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15 Answers

partyrock's avatar

That’s kind of what I’m going through right now. My mom’s brother died, so in about 3 months me and her have to go back to the homeland. We’ll be there for 3 weeks. Even though 3 weeks isn’t really that long, it sucks to be apart from someone you love. So in a way it feels like I am with the right person, and the timing is not “right”. But you can make things right. We really enjoy each others company, so if it didn’t work out we’d still be friends. The timing isn’t perfect but like they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

zenvelo's avatar

Yes, that’s happened to me a couple times. One time I was on a road trip ski vacation in the Rockies and met a girl in Aspen. We hit it off so well she asked me to move in and she knew of some pretty good jobs for me.

And I met a woman the weekend I was moving from the town where I’d gone to college. She and I were great together, she seemed to finish my sentences we clicked so well. We dated a couple of times a few years later, but we were not in quite the same space, and both moved on. But a few years ago, after my marriage ended, hers had too at almost the same time. We see each other when we can (she lives two hours away), but neither wants to move while the kids are in high school. We’ve talked about moving in with each other when our kids leave for college. I think I could definitely spend the rest of my life with her.

Sunny2's avatar

@zenvelo I hope it works out for you!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Seemed like it, once. He was free to roam around the states and had only himself to support. As much as I wanted to be with him, I had responsibilities for a house I bought my mom and needed to have a paycheck at least once a month. He put me on a plane and sent me home after which I was crushed to not only learn about but see he was travelling with other less encumbered partners.

Blackberry's avatar

Yeah. She was perfect for me, but I wasn’t ready for commitment.

ucme's avatar

My neighbours wife when he walked in…..oops!!

AshLeigh's avatar

I wouldn’t say I have ever been with the “wrong” person. Love is bad timing.
I’ve always wanted forever.

Ponderer983's avatar

@ucme He didn’t join in and see the tremendous opportunity? lol

Linda_Owl's avatar

Yes. I dated a guy at work. He was divorced & I was divorced. We enjoyed each others company a lot & we had a lot of fun. However, the longer that we dated, the more that I came to care for him. When he realized that I had fallen in love with him, he did some soul searching & realized that he was still in love with his ex. So, he broke up with me because it was not fair for me to love him when he could not love me back. He did the honorable thing, but it hurt just the same. Sometimes you just can’t win for losing.

laurenkem's avatar

Yes. I have been madly in love with the right person at the wrong time. It still hurts up to and including this date.

meh

ohmyword's avatar

Possibly… I feel like I might not realize this until later really. But I felt like he was the one after a few years and he had a change of heart and ended it for someone else. But he still might have been the right person at the wrong time. Another guy I was with shortly after, I felt similarly about him… love/fate are cruel mistresses >.<

ucme's avatar

@Ponderer983 Sloppy seconds is never a good thing.

hearkat's avatar

Yes; I recently discussed it in a question about love at first sight. We met at an art therapy group for kids whose parents were separated or divorced. Neither of us was really ready to date, but the connection was immediate and strong. I’ve always believe that in another time or place, we’d have been very compatible and had a strong relationship.

At the time it was heart-wrenching. It took me a while to consider dating again, because I had that standard to hold anyone to. In hindsight, I learned much from that 5-week whirlwind. But I never really believed that there was a “one” for everyone. I believe there are personalities that are compatible, and finding someone at the right time in each of your lives is the more random aspect.

Fifteen years and a few relationships later, I can see that I needed that experience (and the others before and since) in order to mature fully and develop the integrity to be able to give and receive unconditional love—which means being 100% vulnerable even though you know that goodbyes are inevitable, because nothing lasts forever.

I am now living with and engaged to a wonderful man with whom I can be totally unguarded and know that he will always respect my trust. I try to be the same for him, but I know the dysfunctional habits developed since childhood rear their ugly heads at times; but he is patient and forgiving. I am the luckiest (a fact that he tries to dispute, because he imagines that he’s the luckiest!)

jessiemay25's avatar

Yes, I didn’t want to meet anyone because I am going overseas and a few months ago I met an amazing man. I have no idea what’s going to happen but i know what I want to happen when I get back. If the timing wrong whatever will be will be and if there’s strong enough feelings you will find your way back to each other.

Paradox25's avatar

Yes, every woman that was very compatible with me, and where we just hit it off great seemed to have fallen in this category. It also seems like ‘inadvertent’ circumstances always interfere when I’m hitting it off with what feels like the ‘right’ woman. Some of these pleasant situations of mine were quickly interupted by some very bad things, which sometimes makes me wonder whether these were just coincidences or fate.

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