General Question

JLeslie's avatar

Can you help me with this sentence?

Asked by JLeslie (47352 points ) June 2nd, 2012

I have tried to write it two ways. Which do you like better? Feel free to suggest another option.

Choice one:

There were typically two options regarding lodging. Option one: stay in a hotel near the track, which many times was not the best in lodging and the restaurants nearby had something to be desired. Option two: stay closer to civilization, and have a longer trip to the track in the morning.

Choice two:

There were typically two options regarding lodging: stay in a hotel near the track, which many times was not the best in lodging and the restaurants nearby had something to be desired; or, stay closer to civilization, and have a longer trip to the track in the morning.

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17 Answers

Bellatrix's avatar

There were typically two options regarding lodging. Option one, stay in a lower quality hotel near the track with only mediocre restaurants close by or option two, stay closer to civilization and have a longer trip to the track in the morning.

ETpro's avatar

I don’t like the sentence structure of either that much, but the first, with its clear delineation of option one and two, is easier to follow

zenvelo's avatar

There was often the usual trade-off in choosing where to stay: either close to the track with its less than stellar accommodations and questionable dining choices, or stay in a more civilized area but make the long slog to the track the next morning.

ETpro's avatar

@zenvelo Much better.

augustlan's avatar

While convenient, the lodging and dining options near the track were generally less than ideal. Staying closer to civilization took things up a notch, but resulted in a longer trip to the track in the mornings.

If you prefer your sentence construction, I’d change “had something to be desired” to “left something to be desired”.

flutherother's avatar

Regarding lodging there were typically two options: to stay in a hotel near the track which many times was not the best, with restaurants nearby that left something to be desired, or to stay closer to civilization leaving a longer trip to the track in the morning.

BosM's avatar

Options for lodging and restaurants near the track are generally less desirable compared to those closer to civilization. The trade off is a longer trip to the track in the morning.

ETpro's avatar

@BosM Very succinct.

BosM's avatar

@ETpro, thanks! I like to keep things simple :)

zenvelo's avatar

@JLeslie So do you have a preference? Or taken the suggestions and remodeled your sentence? The hard part for us is that we don’t write in your “voice”.

JLeslie's avatar

Thanks everyone! The suggestions are very helpful. You are all at a disadvantage not knowing all the information in the paragraph.

@zenvelo I like @BosM‘s suggestion, and I also like @Bellatrix‘s idea of using the word mediocre.

I’m going to go back to the document now and finalize it. I’ll let you know what I decided.

JLeslie's avatar

Heres is the final:

We continued to do more DE’s at Barber, Road Atlanta, and again at Putnam and Memphis. I started to get pretty good at planning the trips. The lodging and restaurant options near the tracks were often mediocre compared to those closer to civilization. I personally prefer comfortable hotels near better restaurants, even if the trek to the track in the morning took an extra ten minutes. The drivers often meet up for dinner at one of the better restaurants, and I liked not having a long drive late at night after a long day. However, in my experience most people prefer a hotel close to the track. A big benefit of picking a hotel where most everyone in our group stayed was the drivers carpooled together to the track early in the morning, and then those of us not participating could sleep in a little and carpool a couple hours later. Luckily, some new hotels have been built closer to several of the tracks in the last few years so this is less and less a difficult choice.

augustlan's avatar

Sounds good to me, @JLeslie. :)

JLeslie's avatar

Thanks. My one change I might have made if I had not written this so late at night was not to repeat the word long in one sentence. But, oh well, it will do.

I wrote two articles for our club newsletter, this is part of one of them, and everyone is happy to have anyone turn in anything, so I won’t be under heavy citique or criticism.

ETpro's avatar

@JLeslie Very well done. I heartily approve of the final edits.

JLeslie's avatar

@zenvelo Your long slog suggestion gave me the idea to use trek to the track. Thanks.

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