Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Has anyone kept things hidden from you in life?

Asked by wundayatta (58349 points ) June 6th, 2012

What things have been hidden from you? Why were they hidden? What impact did that have on you?

Here’s an example:

He avoided sex when we were dating, saying he wanted to wait until we were married.
He and my mother planned our wedding.
As his wife, I felt his affection and love, but never his passion.
He was fastidious about his perfectly ironed shirts, tailored suits, and Italian shoes.
He was critical of any woman who flirted with him in any way.
He was comfortable being friends with much older women.
When we entertained at home, he arranged the flowers, set the table beautifully, and played the host with élan.
His frequent business trips were usually followed by withdrawal and depression.
He often brought home single men from his office for dinner, saying he wanted to give them an experience of “family” with our daughter and me.
Separately, each of these signs might be seen as insignificant. Taken together, however, they reveal that I married a gay man.
After twenty-three years, still having no idea that he was struggling with his sexuality, I was so unhappy that I initiated a divorce. Even after the marriage had ended, he was unable to live openly as who he was. It was only after he died that I discovered he was gay and that he’d had a secret male partner for many of the years we’d been married and after the divorce.

From The Sun.

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8 Answers

josie's avatar

Probably. But if it didn’t get in the way of my own pursuit of happiness, I probably never noticed enough to care. And it seems it never did. So there you go.
Regarding the above…
I am a pretty simple guy, but I treat myself to tailored suits and Italian shoes. Should I be a little more introspective about the meaning of these preferences?

Nullo's avatar

I trust the people close to me keep no important secrets from me.

Trillian's avatar

All the time, one expects. As I also do not reveal all about myself to anyone. It would take way too long, and who gives a damn?
I did know a man who had his closet and posessions all organized in a bizarre way, much like the whak job husband from Sleeping with the enemy. I saw it and warning bells went off. I didn’t get away quickly enough, as it turns out, but it’s gratifying to know that sometimes my warning systems are intact.
I trust them without needing so much confirmation as I did then.
I may not get positive verification all the time, but I don’t feel like I need it.
I’ve taken a long time to learn to trust my instincts.

Coloma's avatar

Yep. My ex husband hid his secret life of philandering from me for 17 years. Operative word ” ex.” I couldn’t be happier, wasting time on Chameleons is the most futile exercise one can ever undertake. let the lizards go, to live under the rocks from which they crawled. lol

tranquilsea's avatar

Yes, and I know he kept it hidden because he didn’t want to go to jail. BUT I wish he had confided in me as it would have stopped a lot of pain and suffering sooner.

woodcutter's avatar

I kinda hope so.

woodcutter's avatar

@Coloma Chameleons live in trees, salamanders live under rocks

Coloma's avatar

@woodcutter Okay, if you want to split lizards. lol

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