Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

[nsfw?] What kinds of situations allow you to bring up the conversational topic of sex the quickest?

Asked by wundayatta (58367 points ) June 15th, 2012

I come from a background where people almost never talk about sex—not even when they are drunk. Ribaldry with people I do not know very well can make me very uncomfortable although it also attracts my intense interest, because for whatever reason, I am intensely curious about the role that sex plays in other people’s lives.

I have found online that I can generally ask questions that I would consider to be outrageous in person, but people don’t seem to mind them at all online. How many partners have you had? When did you first start getting sexual? How often do you cum? Do you watch porn? Are you interested in me that way? Does size matter? Oh the questions seem endless.

Online, people will answer them—I don’t know why. Maybe someone could offer an explanation for that. But I rarely, if ever ask them in person. However, I have an outrageous friend from my support group who will ask these questions that I’m too whatever to ask. And the women answer them. It’s a crazy, wild form of flirtation (I know I don’t intend to go anywhere with it, and he seems not to care) to me. It makes me a little manic, to tell the truth. My mind starts racing. It’s very exciting (mentally, not really physically). I really enjoy that jazzed up feeling. It just feels full of… potential, I guess, even though I know nothing except flirtation will happen.

But it really never happens in reality for me. Just virtually. What about for you? Do you talk about sex with people you have just met? Under what circumstances? How do you get to that topic? Why do you think people are willing to talk about things we are trained to keep behind closed doors, mostly?

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13 Answers

Trillian's avatar

Do you talk about sex with people you have just met? No, nor do I care to.
Why do you think people are willing to talk about things we are trained to keep behind closed doors, mostly? Those most interested are those who are trying to participate, in my experience. Other pursuits don’t hold the interest for them. I find these people tiresome.

tranquilsea's avatar

I don’t discuss sex with people I’ve just met. I have discussed it with my sisters and my best friend though.

I have to say that the times I’ve heard people in group situations mention sex they come off as more than a little obnoxious. Like they are bragging.

Dutchess_III's avatar

The mention of pancakes. Now I’m outta here!

Akua's avatar

I won’t initiate a conversation about sex with people I don’t know. I have had discussions about sex with friends, family and co-workers. Nothing too raunchy though, maybe just conversations for educational/information purposes. A co-worker sells lingerie and sex toys as a side business or a girlfriend/friend might confide in me something amusing about their sex life in the past or present but generally the people I know do not have hang ups regarding sex. A relative used to ask me to go with her to the sex shop to pick out toys (of course I went) and we would talk at length about sex. No one brags but more so will make a comment and the rest of us will just go with it and laugh it off. I have only have one experience feeling uncomfortable with someone bringing up the topic of sex in front of me. It was a co-worker who was really loud and obnoxious at times. I cringed every time this woman opened her mouth because she just didn’t know when to be quiet. She came into my office and started talking to me and another co-worker as if we were close friends and went on to describe how she loved anal sex. When the other co-worker opened her mouth in shock of what she so boldly just admitted, she co-worker telling the story just said “You haven’t tried it? You should!” and then walked out of the office. To this day we occasionally bring up that funny conversation. So now you know under what circumstances I would talk about sex. Just bring it up and get the ball rolling!

creative1's avatar

Sex has always been an open topic and it really comes up whenever it comes to mind for me. I have no problem talking about sex with anyone.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Pretty much anything. My mind is always on something sexual.

CWOTUS's avatar

I can talk to pretty much anyone about pretty much anything at pretty much any time at all. Gosh, all those times I mentioned ‘pretty’ there… you’ll have to excuse me for a moment.

Aethelflaed's avatar

Social justice and academia. I don’t really care for talking about my own personal preferences as much with people, but just sex in general? Tons of opportunities.

Conversations I have had that let me bring up sex:

“What’d you do today?” > “Went to a Planned Parenthood/LGBT/reproductive justice/sex ed conference” “Did a shift for the rape crisis hotline” “Oh, spent most of it editing a friend’s thesis on comprehensive sexuality education” “Had class. Historical Writing was bs as usual, but Jewish Sexualities was fun.” “Researched more for my paper on porn. No, not the one I was telling you about before – the other one.”

“Whatcha reading?” > Literally every book/article on contraception, sexual orientation, sex-positivity, abortion, queerness, historical sexuality, sex education, sexual assault/harassment/molestation/rape, and obviously things like porn, kinks, fetishes, sex work, etc. So, like 75% of what I read.

“What are you writing your paper on?” > “Women in [x history period]. Right now, I’m looking at how they conceptualized sexual assault and adultery, and the various punishments for both.” “How French Revolutionaries depicted Marie Antoinette as a sexual deviant.” “The feminist pornography movement.”

“Yes, I like sex with both men and women.” “Right, but, virginity defined that way excludes lesbians. You telling me I’ve never had sex with my female partners?” “We [women who like women] don’t usually focus so much on if we ‘did it’ or not, but if we did, penetration wouldn’t be the definer like it is for you, Dude.”

Lightlyseared's avatar

Nursing assessment in a sexual health clinic. I’ve hardly introduced myself and we’re already talking about what they were upto last night.

jca's avatar

If I just met someone, I won’t bring sex up. If they want to bring it up, I’ll listen to them and comment, but don’t usually offer personalized details. I don’t usually bring it up wves ith good friends, either, but again, if they tell me whatever, I will lend a sympathetic ear. Lately, it seems I am at the age where wives lose interest in sex and they’ll confide that in me. I am not at that point, I love sex and I hopefully always will.

ucme's avatar

When I see some tits & my dick gets hard.

Akua's avatar

Update: In my previous answer I stated that I never initiate sex talk. I have realized that this is not true. I was leaving work at 3:30 today and a co-worker asked me what I’m giving my husband for fathers day. I said “I gave it to him last night” and then shook my ta-ta’s in her direction. She cracked up laughing. I immediately thought of this question.

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