Social Question

tups's avatar

Is there such a thing as breaking up with a friend?

Asked by tups (6689 points ) June 17th, 2012

I was just wondering about this. Is there really such a thing as breaking up with a friend or do you just let the friendship fade out slowly? Or simply just cold blooded ignore them?

If you’re in a friendship, but you often walk home with a bitter taste in your mouth, what can you do?
Does a friendship go up and down? Is it important to try to make the friendship better and keep working on it?

Have you been in a situation where you had to end a friendship and how did you do it? What if this friend is also friends with a lot of your ofter friends and what if you’re going to see this person almost everyday?

Merely a hypothetical question.

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15 Answers

dabbler's avatar

Certainly it’s possible.
Most friendships are based on mutual respect and some boundaries on your roles with each other.
If you’re bitter that does not sound like respect.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

Yes, there is such a thing as ending a friendship. One may want to do this when he or she feels that a boundary of his or hers was crossed. Maybe even more than one boundary was. When this happens, it’s totally fine to be upfront about it, no matter how many mutual friends the two of you have. Why tolerate disrespect just to please others? Now, if a friend invites both of you to his or her birthday party and you really want to go to, you may end up being viewed as silly, immature, and childish if you say “No” just because someone you had a falling out with might be there.

Coloma's avatar

Sure there is. I have dumped 2 friends in the last 2 years. Was very clear about the issues, they refused to entertain any responsibility for their crap….see ya.
I am a very direct type.

I am kind and diplomatic but once you start playing games with me I will tell you in no uncertain terms that the relationship is no longer working for me. Take care, our season is over.

15acrabm's avatar

For sure. There is definatly such thing as breaking up with a friend. Depending on your personality, there are also many ways to do it. For example, I used to have a friend who always liked to be in charge, which I didn’t mind all that much. It wasn’t until she started putting me down to make herself look better that I decided that she wasn’t a good friend to me. Usually I am the type of person who is very calm and collected, and I usually avoid a fight at all costs, but in this particular situation I just snapped at her. She had pushed me one time two many when she made a very negaive, mean, and untrue comment about me in front of about ten hot guys that we were with. It was something I wouldn’t have said about my worst enemy. Let’s just say we stopped hanging out after that.

wundayatta's avatar

I had a friend who I thought was a pretty good friend. But he didn’t treat his girlfriend right. I felt very strongly about that and so I got angry with him and broke up with him. I don’t remember the words I said now. Wish I did. They were pretty powerful.

I’ve seen him since and forgiven him since, but we’ve not had much to do with each other. If I had it to do over, I would have held my tongue. It was not worth losing a friend over.

I’ve also had friends who sort of dried up like a pond that lost its source. It happens all kinds of ways. Mores the pity.

gailcalled's avatar

Because of a youthful friendship, I held on to a friend for far too long. Confronting her seemed silly because, short of a lobotomy, she was who she was.

So I let it peter out. She was stubbornly resistant to learning anything about the internet and so relied on the phone. With caller ID, it simplified my life. Had she been willing to email, I would have sent her snippets of stuff from time to time. But marathon listens to her whining about money and status began to wear on me.

Coloma's avatar

Infact, funny enough, the friend I dumped 14 months ago sent me an email last Thurs. simply telling me again, 3 times in 2 sentences, how wrong I had been about her! lol
Said ” You were wrong about me and maybe we can talk someday about how wrong about me you were, love you, miss you, take care of you.”

Oh brother! Who the hell would write someone after over a year of no contact just to tell them how “wrong” they were again. Gimme a break! haha
This “friend” was passive aggressive, manipulative, made stuff up AND, was the champion of the “poor me” victim/martyr complex. Egads, truly one of the most self delusional people I have ever known.

She was an old, old, friend from waaay back, but I finally realized that we had nothing in common, and, call me arrogant, but seriously…this woman had the IQ of a potato. You can’t argue with a sick AND stupid mind! lol

marinelife's avatar

It depends on the situation, but friendships do end. I have ended them and had them ended by the other party.

Just stop calling them and hanging out with them.

gondwanalon's avatar

Yes this is possible. It recently happened to me. Over the last ten years I became a friend to a doctor in the clinic where I work. We were running buddies. We would train for marathons together. On our many long runs we told each other secrets that we have told no others. We also talked about every aspect of running and our lives as well as have great in depth philosophical discussions while we hammered out the long miles.

Then one day at lunch time at work my friend commented on a tinny Romney pin that I was wearing. Somehow I said something that offended him and then he said something the was very painful to me. I guess that we had learned enough about each other to push sensitive buttons. That was a couple of months ago and either of has cooled off. I’m so sorry for opening my big mouth. I wish that I could take it back. But he hurt me too intentionally. Last week I think that he waved to me from across the parking lot. I pretended not to notice. I mean if he really wanted to say hi then he would walk up to me and say it. Yes it looks like our friendship is over.

filmfann's avatar

I was close friends with a guy, until he insulted my wife. I immediately hung up on him, and haven’t spoken as friends with him since.

Coloma's avatar

@gondwanalon Yes, too bad. Well…pride goeth before a fall. Same with my ex friend. If someone really wants to make amends they will put their ego aside and own their shit. Don’t waste time on stubborn egos. Whomever casts the first stone needs to come forward.

DominicX's avatar

Yes, it can happen. This actually just happened to two of the guys I was living with. Kind of unfortunate, because there was a lot of drama, but one of them told the other that he never wanted to see him again. I have no doubt that that will be the case.

yankeetooter's avatar

I had two really good friends (a married couple). We were friends for something like twelve years…until one day, she got really mad at me over a simple misunderstanding…and wouldn’t talk things out with me.

That was two and a half years ago…

It really hurt…these two people were everything in my life to me. I had to learn to let go, but it took a long time, and my ability to trust was greatly compromised after that.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Yes. I’ve ended a couple of friendships recently. I directly let the people know why I would no longer be taking their calls or emails. If I see them when out,I am cordial, but not friendly. I will not reopen those closed doors.

In my case, I feel it’s best to learn from one’s mistakes. For me that means a clean end with no question as to the how’s or why’s it ended for either party involved.

snapdragon24's avatar

Friendships are like relationships. It takes two to tango. Its a give and take and depending on how things go…you break up or you stick together. So yes…like a relationship; if you can’t stand it anymore… you either walk away, confront the issue or let time do its job ;)

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