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ScurvyChamp's avatar

Your username is the title of a secret government document. What does it contain?

Asked by ScurvyChamp (370 points ) June 29th, 2012

You’re a cleaner, you’re stumbling through the government offices, when suddenly you see a document with your fluther username on. It’s about a secret government project/official secret/event/ whatever. What’s inside?

Mine would be a secret super-soldier initiative, based around the fact that humans have inherent superpowers, which are shut off by citrus…!

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21 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

Intelligence about a powerful shadow group of enraged little girls, conspiring to assassinate world leaders and grab global power.

Ron_C's avatar

Now here’s a question that I have never considered.

My file would classify me as a dissident. I am against fascist government, excess government secrecy, I abhor the fact that the President can put a person’s name on a hit list for a Drone delivery. I believe that privatization of obvious government functions like prison administration and maintaining a mercenary army not accountable to our laws is treason.

I think it should be illegal for government to limit union membership and for corporations to donate or finance any political function. I believe that a church that organizes politically must immediately loose tax exempt status In fact I don’t believe any religion should receive a tax exemption simply for being a religion.

Considering that I formerly held a Top Secret clearance, I expect that my file is pretty thick. If I suddenly disappear, please forward my mail to Gitmo.

ucme's avatar

Krabby patty recipe….dun,dun,dun!!!

zenvelo's avatar

A secret plan to reform everyone’s consciousness by getting rid of most cars and having everyone over the age of five ride bicycles everywhere.

marinelife's avatar

Mine would be a plan to use sea life as super weapons.

filmfann's avatar

It’s a new secret weapon that blows a light oily waste all over an enemies water supply, rendering it undrinkable.

LostInParadise's avatar

It would be a plan to overhaul the school system, in order to move away from rote learning and encouraging students to explore and discover things on their own. It would include ways of designing open ended projects and would include plans for students to examine things in the real world, such as local ecosystems and local government. This may all seem very innocent, but I assure you it is most subversive. If people are encouraged to think independently, there is no telling what might happen.

wundayatta's avatar

A plan to destroy the entire Atta tribe in one day.

Foiled by Wikileaks, of course.

PurpleClouds's avatar

It is the plan for a huge drug raid.

roundsquare's avatar

A secret government initiative to create a true physical paradox.

mazingerz88's avatar

It would contain info on one of the greatest ancestors of all existing transforming robots this planet Earth has ever known!

Coloma's avatar

00Coloma secret agent and trainer of stealth geese.
Note my avatar, O’Malley is ready to infiltrate the lake on his latest mission and plant a stick of dynamite under the enemies boat.

LittleLemon's avatar

The diabolical works of a deranged scientist hell-bent on turning the world’s supply of fruit into genetically tiny food.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Cute small bird spies used to gather intelligence.

flutherother's avatar

It’s a multi trillion dollar government project to send CIA agents back in time to manipulate the past to advance American interests in the present.

downtide's avatar

“Keep an eye on this one, he might be some sort of alien”.

6rant6's avatar

Although I’ve committed no crimes
I wonder myself at odd times
If the Feds have a place
For a print of my face
And a list of my very worst rhymes.

bewailknot's avatar

A secret plan to force all boy scouts and girl scouts to get their knot tying merit badges before any other merit badge.

Symbeline's avatar

Pharmaceutical experiments that turn people into zombies, and then the event is blamed on God, SARS or some guy trying to pull a Romero. The whole truth is in the Symbeline Energizer Battery file. Going and going and going and go…

fremen_warrior's avatar

Standard Vault-Tec personnel file listing yours truly as overseer of Vault 8.

zensky's avatar

A simple solution for world peace.

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