General Question

Mr_Paradox's avatar

How do you make peace with a girl you just pissed off?

Asked by Mr_Paradox (3002 points ) July 2nd, 2012

I just told her crush that she likes him and know she wants to kill me. HELP!!!

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27 Answers

Nullo's avatar

Open with a gift and an apology, perhaps written on a nice card. Maybe not the gift, in hindsight.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

You apologize, then give her time to cool down. She may or may not forgive you; every girl is different. Good luck!

JLeslie's avatar

Depends on the girl. I agree with those above, attempt an apology. If she will talk it through with you, or even if she says she needs a little time to cool off that’s a start. If she is a total bitch and won’t give you the time of day and discuss it, or even ask you to wait a few days until she cools off, or the best would be to forgive you on the spot, well her loss. Then you have to wait for her to let go of her grudge. When she does you can decide whether to forgive her.

Did you break a confidence? Were you sworn to secrecy? Or, is she just mortified he now knows?

Mr_Paradox's avatar

@JLeslie, she’s just mortified because he already has a girlfriend.

Coloma's avatar

Not cool…you violated her trust and privacy and stuck your nose in HER business. Time to eat a big plate of Crow and take your lumps. I’d start off with a SINCERE owning of your behavior…something along the lines of ” I am SO sorry! I really blew it, I had no right to disclose that information, I hope you can forgive me for my error in judgement.”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

All you can do is apologize. And never do it again. And she doesn’t owe you anything.

Pol_is_aware's avatar

Just whatever you do, dont try to justify it.

zenvelo's avatar

An abject apology, don’t even ask for forgiveness, just “I am so sorry to stick my nose into your business, it was a stupid and lame thing to do.”

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Admit you were wrong without justifying your actions and apologize sincerely.

JLeslie's avatar

The other jellies are right, don’t try to justify it. Just admit to screwing up. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

bookish1's avatar

Don’t justify or excuse yourself. Don’t say anything along the lines of “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Maybe show her that you realize how much you betrayed her trust/how you would feel if someone had done that to you. Good luck.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Why did you tell the guy that the friend had a crush on him? Are you willing to share?

Mr_Paradox's avatar

Thanks for the advice. I’ll take it.

Pol_is_aware's avatar

Oh, but don’t grovel. No one wants to see that :)

marinelife's avatar

Why did you do that? If you are sincerely sorry, you can apologize with a promise of no recurrence.

But that does not mean that she will accept your apology or be over it. That is your first step. The second step is time and you being trustworthy during that time.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
6rant6's avatar

Go watch TV. It’ll pass.

Trillian's avatar

Help what? Live and learn. Trust lost, and rightly so. Apologize, and keep you yap shut another time.

Blondesjon's avatar

Judging on the reason she’s pissed I’d say that you kind of did what she wanted you or anybody else privy to this secret crush to do. She should apologize to you for getting angry when you were just trying to help.

gorillapaws's avatar

Well if you’re a psychopath, then you twist it around so that she believes that it’s her fault and you were helping her.

If you have some humanity (and it’s questionable seeing as how you violated her trust like that), then you need to fully admit you were wrong. You need to admit why you were wrong. You need to acknowledge how your actions have hurt her her feelings, and honestly relate to how it must feel to have your trust violated in a way that lead to some serious embarrassment. You need to let her know that you want to fix your friendship if/when she’s ready to forgive you. Give her as much time as she needs.

Kardamom's avatar

@Blondesjon I have to heartily disagree with you. Having been a person who has had feelings for someone who was already in a relationship, it was very, very painful.

This girl probably told @Mr_Paradox because she trusted him. He was her friend and it’s very hard to keep painful feelings inside for very long. It can make you sick. Sometimes it’s easier to deal with painful feelings if you share them with a trusted friend. This girl is now, most likely, humiliated and the trust is broken.

The best thing @Mr_Paradox can do is really think about how she must be feeling. I’m sure he did what he did because he thought he was trying to help her, maybe to hook up with this guy, but since the guy is currently un-available, then he just created a very embarrassing situation for everyone (maybe even for the guy and his girlfriend). Especially if the guy in question, doesn’t have any interest in the girl. That’s where the humiliating part comes in. Nobody wants to look like the desperate girl in front of everyone.

It’s one thing to have un-requited love or a crush on someone and share that in confidence with a friend, it’s a whole other awful to have that information broadcast, especially to the crush in question.

All he can do now is tell his friend why he did it and apologize for not thinking it through or talking to her about it first. Then he needs to promise to never do it again. Then he needs to let her decide whether or not to forgive him. And hopefully he won’t decide that she’s a bitch if she decides not to forgive him.

Blondesjon's avatar

@Kardamom . . . Except for rare cases like your own, most secret crush scenarios involve the young and the very young.

Or am I the only person here who ever told a friend I liked someone and exacted from that friend a promise total secrecy while all the time hoping that they would spill the beans and do what my painfully shy ass could not?

relationship or not. i coveted me a few neighbors wives back in the day . . .

Kardamom's avatar

@Blondesjon Maybe it’s different for females. Most of my friends (and me, as I’ve already painfully described LOL) had crushes on guys, but not one of them would have ever wanted that information to go beyond the ears of our tiny close knit group of confidantes. We would have died. One of my former best friends, when I was 16 actually did betray me like that and I felt like I could never trust her again after that. It was humiliating. Especially because the guy in question, didn’t have any interest in me, and he, also being 16, started to make fun of me, in public after this girl blabbed to him. It was brutal.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Response moderated (Off-Topic)
JSpeer's avatar

be honest, forget about her crush, and tell her that you like her.

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