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janelle's avatar

[NSFW] How do you tame a "death grip?"?

Asked by janelle (465 points ) July 4th, 2012

Prior to this summer my boyfriend and I dormed in the same building. We had sex almost everyday so there was no real need for masturbation. Now that summer has started both of us have had to take care of our needs by ourselves. However him masturbating about 3 times a day has caused him to have a hard time ejaculating during sex. We talked about it and he says he doesn’t want it to effect our sex lives like this so he’s going to cut down. I’m worried that it may not happen though. Have any of you gone through this? I know that masturbation can become an addiction and now I’m worried that he is addicted.

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8 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

Three times a day? Enjoy it while you can. Same with sex every day. That’s a blessing that usually doesn’t keep on happening later on in life.

I don’t believe in sex addiction, and I’ve known a number of people in a group for sex addicts. I think the problem is when relationships get in trouble. That’s when men and sometimes women turn to masturbation to ease the pain. But these guys were masturbating continuously all day long. Not three times a day. All day.

I don’t think you need to worry about your bf. When you guys get together again, it will be all right. And also, it’s ok if he doesn’t ejaculate. Contrary to popular belief, guys don’t have to ejaculate in order to have a good time. Young guys think they do, and that’s what they’ll tell you. But as you age, you learn that there’s more to sex than ejaculation.

Don’t get me wrong. I love it and I am as goal oriented as the next guy, but I can also have fun without ejaculating, during those times that I just can’t do it again. Which doesn’t happen often, but does happen. All I need it more recovery time. And if I can only do it once a day instead of twice or three times, that’s ok. And if several days goes by in between, that usually means it’ll be more intense when it does happen.

But I have learned not to judge it. I has to happen this way or that way. I must ejaculate or it doesn’t count or wasn’t any good. That’s just not very helpful thinking. I can have a good deal more fun if I don’t judge it like that or put conditions on it.

You and your bf also can have more fun if you lose your preconceptions about how it is supposed to be. It will allow you to go longer or shorter, as you feel it. It will allow you to be ok with whatever happens. That’s good for a relationship, too.

choreplay's avatar

With regard to masturbation, the more you try to fight it the more appealing it can seem/get. He is going to have to want the experience of ejaculation with you more than the masturbation. I advise don’t fight it and he will naturally get sick of the same routine and mix it up.

I assume because of this issue he can last as long as he wants, as I assume holding an erection is not an issue.

Just adjust what you see as fun during intercourse and find ways to enjoy the perpetual erection.

mowens's avatar

Everyone always tells me my sex drive will go down.

It hasnt. I am a 28 year old male, and I am good for 5–7 times a day.

My record is 13. I was 19 and had nothing to do…. anyway… I welcome the day when I dont rise to the occasion. This thing has started sooooo many problems.

janelle's avatar

Oh no I already asked him if he could cut down. :(
The moment it happened I blamed myself and he read that off of my face. I mean we hadn’t seen each other in about 2 months and I knew he was looking forward to this, so I thought I did something wrong. I think my devastation could have transferred to him, but he didn’t hesitate when agreeing to cut down to once a day. Prior to this, the amount of time he could last was never a problem so this isn’t too much of a plus to me.

I don’t want to force him to cut down and I want him to know the shouldn’t feel like he needs to cum everytime. But if this can be prevented, i’d prefer that it is. What would be the best way for me to handle this situation now?

Shippy's avatar

Perhaps the material he uses, during masturbation or methods is becoming more interesting for him, than sex. I just have a hunch that could be a problem. Because why masturbate three times then have sex? You could chat to him, telling him, if it is OK with you, that he can bring those ideas to your own sex life. Just a thought.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

What do you mean it may not happen? If he says he’ll cut down and you don’t trust he will do so, you’ve got other issues besides problems with ejaculation.

janelle's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I just don’t want to push him to the point where he might have to lie.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@janelle I understand. And now I want you to unlearn the kind of attitude that makes you think that whenever you ‘push’ aka expect maturity and accountability from a man it’s okay for him to lie or do whatever because of you. It’s not okay. And if he lies, it’s his fault not yours.

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