Social Question

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Was this rude, or am I being ridiculous?

Asked by WillWorkForChocolate (22668 points ) July 4th, 2012

I found out today that a very close family member is pregnant. Hooray for her, and all that, but… she knows how desperately I want to have another baby. She looked at me and said, “I bet you’re jealous, aren’t you? Ha!” And she said it with a tacky, smug little grin.

It felt like she’d slapped me and I cried all the way home. Am I just being completely ridiculous, or does that seem like a rude thing for her to do, since she knows how I feel?

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113 Answers

gondwanalon's avatar

Forgetaboutit. It isn’t worth feeling bad about.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@gondwanalon Maybe I’m being silly, but it set me off. I die a little inside, every time I see people with newborns. I am miserably depressed that my husband doesn’t want another baby. She knows how crazy I am to have another one, and she rubbed her pregnancy in my face. It hurt. I mean, really, truly hurt.

JLeslie's avatar

Very rude. I would call it mean actually.

How pregnant is she?

Haleth's avatar

Even if she didn’t know how you felt, that would still be rude!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I might also add that she flat out told me that if I get pregnant and “steal her pregnant thunder” she will kick my ass. I’m just miserable right now, and almost hope that a condom will break just to wipe that grin off her face.

jonsblond's avatar

I hate to say it but I’m a true believer in karma. Her day will come.

She was way out of line.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Early. The karma will be if she miscarries. Then you can say something nasty back if you feel so inclined. “Well, maybe you are being punished for being such a cocky mean bitch to me.” You know, something like that. This is when you need a voo doo doll or an Italian aunt that can put a curse on people. I’m joking of course, I would never actually wish someone harm, but if it happens you can get a little schadenfreuden. Worse would be the baby has a severe problem, God forbid, but it would be a hard way for her to be brought down a notch.

Is your husband friends with hers? Let yours tell hers what a horrible bitch his wife was today if you don’t feel you can tell her yourself how hurtful she was. He can say it nicely, just trying to protect you from future hurt.

Is she a friend you want to keep? Then maybe you need to tell her how badly it hurt you, so she does not continue to do such mean things. Hopefully she will apologize.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Yes, it was totally uncalled for. She needn’t have said anything, after all it is not a competition or her right to be in the spotlight. She sounds childish, immature and mean. As for you sweetie, I realize the pain was sharp, but just rejoice in the fact that you already have a child and keep your distance from her.

Coloma's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Yes, insensitive and nasty IMO. Yep, karma…I’ll never forget my ex sister-in-law years ago that actually had the nerve to say to me when I was about 40 lbs. overweight after having my daughter the year before….” Sooooo, do you plan on staying fat forever?” 0-o

Heh….yep, karmas a bitch….after I kicked ass and dropped all the weight and was a size 6–7 again and looking GREAT…she gained 40 lbs. hahaha Can you spell B-i-t-c-h!!!
Sorry for your baby blues.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Thanks so much, y’all. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not just being an over-sensitive nincompoop.

@JLeslie Oh God, I really would not wish a miscarriage or birth defects on her child, even as pissed and hurt as I am. But I do plan to say something to her if she ever again rubs it in my face.

gailcalled's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate: I wish you had been able to say something to her on the spot. It was hurtful and cruel at best and at the very least, thoughtless and cavalier.

You need never label yourself “ridiculous” for having strong (and reasonable) feelings.

It’s not too late to mention this to her. Stay calm and use measured language; you will be teaching her something very important.

And you are absolutely right to not wish her any ill, and certainly not the baby. What a horrible concept.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Of course you would never wish such things, I would never think you actually would. That can create it’s own bad karma. :).

I do think you should say something to her.

@gailcalled I said never wish. But, if a miscarriage happened, a little bit of feeling like now she knows not to be so mean and overconfident is not a bad thought in my opinion.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@gailcalled Well, it really wasn’t a good time to say something right when it happened, due to our surroundings and company at the time. But I will, later, if she repeats herself.

woodcutter's avatar

Sort of bitch-like of her ,knowing your situation. Maybe she will realize this and make good later…or not.

DigitalBlue's avatar

I think smoke just came out of my ears. That was just rotten. I also really would like to have a baby, but am not currently able, and I have a hard time even going to baby showers for people that I’m sincerely happy for… because I end up spending the next day crying my eyes out. If someone (who knew how I felt) said that to me, there’s probably a good chance that they would have tasted my knuckles. Maybe not, but, I would have at least fantasized about it.

gailcalled's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate: If you were my daughter, I would advise you to say something to this woman now. I understand that the circumstances prevented you from saying anything, but don’t let it fester. It will also be a very important lesson for the close family member.

Sunny2's avatar

I agree with @gailcalled Get yourself under control and quietly remind her that she knows how you feel about wanting another baby and it really hurt that she said what she did when she did. If she cannot apologize, have no more to do with her than you have to, including not going to a baby shower for her. At best, her comments were thoughtless, at worst, cruel.

JLeslie's avatar

I agree with @gailcalled.

Oh, close family member. For whatever reason I had it in my head she was a friend. Then especially say something. You don’t have to be hostile when you speak to her. For all we know she is horrifed in retrospect, and now doesn’t know what to do. How to make it better. Many people are very bad at apologizing, or worry bringing up the topic again is worse than just letting it pass.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Thank you, Gail. I’m supposed to see her again this weekend. Maybe I can pull her aside and gently let her know how much it hurt.

augustlan's avatar

Very bitchy. The only excuse I can think of is that she didn’t really know how to break the news to you (knowing how you feel), and botched it big time due to nerves. If that’s clearly not the case, then… wow. I would definitely say something to her.

Meanwhile, I am available if she needs a shin kick or a whippin’.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Let us know how it goes. Hopefully, you can push it out of your mind the next few days.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@augustlan She broke the news at a family dinner, then later made that stupid comment with that stupid smirk. UGH. I’ll only be able to sleep well because I cried myself into exhaustion.

Kick her shins. I’ll take the whippin’.

JLeslie's avatar

So, she came back to the topic later and said such a mean thing? That seems even worse than blurtng out she is pregnant and saying something stupid in the same moment. Is she usually competetive? Is she very young? Someone needs to tell her for her own good. Not to punish her, but so she knows better.

zenvelo's avatar

That’s so far beyond the pale, it’s almost lifetime cold shoulder worthy. My ex and I were in fertility treatment for four years, I know how much it hurts to even hear, but to rub it in your face is just being a mean little shit.

bookish1's avatar

Holy crap. Big hugs for you @WillWorkForChocolate. That is beyond rude. That is friggin mean, petty, immature, you name it.
You can’t choose your family, can you :-/
I definitely second above comments that you or your husband should mention this to her. Such a comment should not be allowed to go without a response.

ucme's avatar

If those circumstances are accurate, I’ve no way of knowing because I wasn’t there see, then she is being a spoilt little bitch of the highest order.
Knowing the elation every prospective mother feels when discovering she’s expecting only serves to show she’s twisting the knife in further & apparently enjoying it.
Later on in the pregnancy when her nipples toughen & become tender, I suggest you utilise clothes pegs, by way of a surprise attack :¬)

Blackberry's avatar

You’re both kinda strange.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Most everyone likes babies. To be so cold and vicious about it to someone that wants another but can’t is beyond my train of thought. You were right about her. There’s something twisted in there. Be believe in the karma thing. Time wounds all heels.

CWOTUS's avatar

I’m sorry that this hurt you so much. I would love to give you a baby. And I’m free this weekend.

As everyone else has noted, it was mean, even vicious, and far beyond anything that could be considered simple over-exuberance.

jonsblond's avatar

@JLeslie & @WillWorkForChocolate The karma will be that the child will turn into a nasty bitch just like mommy and torment her mom for years and years. ;)

JLeslie's avatar

@jonsblond Oh, we call that the Jewish Mother’s curse. That her children make her crazy like she made her own mother crazy. I think your right. Hopefully, the kid gets enlightened before she actually hurts others.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I think that was rude, mean, insensitive and bitchy. For all she knows you could be trying for a baby but struggling to get pregnant (I really hope this isn’t the case if you are desperate for another) so she should think before she opens her mouth. This is why I never ask a woman that doesn’t have children when she is going to start a family as many people do (especially if they are newly married or someone close to them has recently had a kid, “you’re next” seems to be the popular thing to say to women at times like these), I don’t know that they aren’t hurting because they are trying but not succeeding at that time.

jca's avatar

OMG I couldn’t believe it when I read what you wrote. Unbelievably terrible for her to even think, let alone say. Cruel and insensitive to the 10th degree. I agree with @gailcalled that you should consider having a conversation with her, and if not, then like @JLeslie said, maybe if your husbands or partners are friendly, yours can say something to hers, like “you know, @WillWorkForChocolate was very hurt by your wife’s asking her ‘I bet you’re jealous, aren’t you?’” That way, the other spouse will at least know his wife is an evil, thoughtless monster.

@Blackberry: I don’t understand why you wrote “You’re both kind of strange.” Even if you do think @WillWorkForChocolate is strange for some other reason, what would that have to do with this?

laurenkem's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate , What a nasty, mean-spirited thing to say to someone, knowing that that person desperately wants another child! She’ll get hers in the long run – those kinds always do, eventually.

Evil bitch

gailcalled's avatar

I do not support having your husband do the confrontation. It is your issue, and difficult as it may feel, learning how to take this woman on will be very good experience for the next occasion. This is a skill that we all, as adults, need to learn

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I want to thank you all for your kind comments. I have no words for how comforting it is to have my feelings validated like this. It’s like you all are dropping by my pity party to give me a hug and buy me a drink. So thank you.

I just had a conversation with a very dear friend who comforted me and told me to seek some counseling. I already knew that my feelings on the baby matter were spiraling out of control, but it helped for her to agree with that and suggest therapy. Perhaps I can find a therapist who specializes in “baby blues syndrome.”

It’s already difficult to understand my husband’s fears about another pregnancy, but to still want to get myself knocked up. Then for this family member to twist that knife in… let’s just say that I don’t even want to hear her voice right now.

@CWOTUS Oh Lordy. I’ve had offers from two jellymen now, to get me pregnant. Thank you so much for that, I need the humor right now! Would Saturday or Sunday be better for you?

@gailcalled Oh, believe me, I will be the one to say something. My husband is suffering enough because of my baby depression; I don’t want to drag him into an argument.

@Blackberry Ummm… okay. My strangeness should not come as a surprise to jellies who’ve interacted with me. :D

nikipedia's avatar

I have to admit that I don’t understand the baby wanting very well. That said, I think her comment is so bizarre, no matter what she’s commenting on—“Look at my new dress! Aren’t you jealous?” “I won the Nobel Peace Prize, aren’t you jealous?” It really reflects poorly on her.

Knowing her personality, do you think there’s any possibility that she meant well and just really flubbed it? Maybe she knew you would be jealous, and thought it would be better to bring up the elephant in the room, but executed it really poorly?

JLeslie's avatar

@nikipedia That’s one reason to raise the issue with her I think. To let her explain herself in case their was some sort of flub, so she can try and make it better.

Communication and all that.

CWOTUS's avatar

It’s not like you’re going to take me up on my non-offer to impregnate you, @WillWorkForChocolate, but it would require a surgical reversal of an earlier procedure to enable me to enable you to fulfill this dream. But I can help you practice, if that’s ever necessary. Say the word, and I can be free any time at all.

Meanwhile, have another drink. You’re not going to be able to have it after you’re knocked up, and maybe if I get you drunk enough you’ll overlook the first paragraph of this response.

Anyway. I had been thinking some more about this, and as much as I’m in agreement with @gailcalled that you (and only you) have to say something to her, I wouldn’t expect much change for the better from this young woman. What she said – and the way she said it, and then followed up with another comment – seems to me to be so far beyond simple tactlessness and over-exuberance with her own situation as to be outright hostility. She knew she was sticking a knife in you and twisting it. Watch out for her.

mazingerz88's avatar

For all we know, she could be carrying Rosemary’s baby.

Blackberry's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Don’t worry, I wasn’t serious. I should’ve said I didn’t see what the big deal is.

nikipedia's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate, I don’t want to make things worse, but I am curious, do you think you can explain more about why you want a baby so much? If it will upset you more please just disregard.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@nikipedia I don’t know… I think part of the reasoning behind her “Don’t you dare steal my pregnant thunder” was that she may have been miffed that I gave the family a new baby before she did, even though she was only 17 at the time and far from ready for children. Be that as it may, I still wanted to slap her for that. Her comment about my jealousy was actually pretty typical for her.

She can be very immature and mean-spirited sometimes, and means what she says. It didn’t sound like she flubbed anything; it sounded like she was being her usual smug self. She loves it when the spotlight is on her, and somehow manages to turn every single situation into something that revolves around her, including family deaths and such. If someone dies, it’s all about how it affects her and how it will impact her, instead of the whole family. She’s a very selfish person.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@nikipedia No sweetie, that doesn’t make it worse. It is what it is.

It’s sort of hard to describe the feelings to someone who has never felt the same way… I want to experience the joys of another pregnancy, I want to go through the pains of pushing a child out of my body. I want the experience of feeding a newborn, changing diapers, walking the floor at 3 AM, being spit up on, cooing over my newborn, kissing its feet, watching my baby develop and learn new things… And I want it desperately. Yes, I’ve already experienced that with two children, but for whatever reason, I just want to do it One. More. Time. I’d happily have my tubes tied afterward, I just really want one more child.

Like I said, if you’ve never had “baby pangs,” it’s kind of hard to describe the emotional craving. Everything I mentioned above doesn’t even scrape the surface of my mental/emotional desire to create, carry, birth, and enjoy another child.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I believe your interpretation of why she said it. If you confront her there is a chance she will just deny it. I might be petty enough to tell another relative and let the gossip take hold, it would depend on the family dynamic. Her biggest problem is she is young. She needs a few bad things to happen to her, just nornal life, we all have difficult things happen, for her to see things are not always easy and have some empathy for others.

She is obviously unrealistic, so having the baby will be more difficult than she probably realizes. All moms have a tough time, I think she will be totally unprepared for the sacrifice and hard work.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Blackberry Well, I don’t expect you to understand, haha! You don’t have a ticking-time-bomb-uterus or an intense emotional desire to have children right now. I didn’t take offense; my response to you was a poor attempt at humor.

@JLeslie She’s not that young, LOL. She’s 29. I had my first child at 21 and my second just before I turned 27. She just has an immature take on things sometimes, I think. But then again, so do I, depending on the situation. But I would intentionally hurt someone the way she hurt me yesterday. I should probably mention all the times in the past that she has seen my children misbehaving, then very smugly told me, “And that’s why dogs are better than kids.” Made my hands itch.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Do you know why your husband doesn’t want a third? The real reason why? Don’t tell us any details you are uncomfortable sharing obviously, but sometimes men have very different reasons than we assume.

jca's avatar

Until I had a baby, I didn’t understand how you could love something so much, and yet have more love for more, if that’s what it came down to. I only have one and I will only have one, due partly to my age, but if I were younger, I would have had more and been happy to. So I can see how, @WillWorkForChocolate, you would want more if you could.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie He doesn’t want more children for very logical reasons that I can totally understand. Which makes my feelings seem irrational and stupid. He’s worried about the financial aspect (because let’s face it- children really are expensive), and at 35 years old, he doesn’t want to “start from scratch” again. He’s concerned that another newborn would tie us down and he “doesn’t want to feel like an old man when the youngest child graduates high school.” His exact words. I totally see his point. But it doesn’t change my feelings about it, which is really difficult.

It’s incredibly hard to reconcile his logic with my emotions.

jca's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate: I can totally understand your feelings and I can totally understand your husband’s reasoning against it. I think some therapy might be helpful to help you reconcile your feelings and thoughts. I also think you should still have a conversation with that rude, evil bitch and let her know that her nasty comments are uncalled for, unwelcome and unhelpful.

jonsblond's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I went through the same issue not long after we had our daughter. There was such a large age gap between her and her brothers (10 & 12 years) that I really wanted another sibling for her that was closer in age. It didn’t help when she asked for a little brother or sister when she got a little older and my husband said he was done having children. He was done for the same reasons as your husband. Smart reasons. I’m finally over the baby pangs but they can creep up now and then. It’s hard. (((hugs)))

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

You know… I still can’t help but smile a little over the idea: what if my husband’s condom broke and I had a happy accident, and got to bitchslap her with it? Oh God, I would love to see her face. I already know that’s petty and childish, so no judging right now, haha. Plus, if it happened by complete accident, my hubby would accept it and be okay. Our first child was a major happy accident (wedding day conception) and he adores her.

Blackberry's avatar

Just walk away @WillWorkForChocolate. Just walk away…................Lol. It’s time to take that exit from the highway, to the high road.

trailsillustrated's avatar

I would not react or even give it another thought. It was truly mean spirited. Whatever. Avoid this person in future.

jca's avatar

I disagree that you should just walk away from the discussion. I think the woman should know she was hurtful and if it makes you feel better to tell her, that’s another reason to do so.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate When I first heard you describe why you wanted another baby, and then I asked about your husband, I asked about him, because honestly it really sounded to me like you should have another baby. I guess therapy might reveal you are unhappy or unfufilled in some aspect of your life, and so another baby might fill that void, or even help you avoid but also, it might just simply be you want another baby. A totally natural thing in my opinion. Not everyone has that yearning, but obviously you do.

Your husband’s points do sound very realistic. Can you help take some of the financial burden off of him? Do you work? Maybe there is some sort of compromise? Staying on opposite ends with one being emotional and one being logical might put you in an adversarial situation. You probably realize this already. As long as he loves being a father, and it is just money concerns, maybe there is something that can be done. If you legitamize his concerns and take them on yourself, then it might change the dynamic in the discussion. I could be all wrong. I don’t know if that was helpful.

Fantasizing about revenge by getting accidently pregnant is giving her control over your situation, don’t let that fill your mind. I understand wanting to get revenge on her, but do not get pulled into her malicious competition.

I really sympathasize with you. :( Sucky couple of days. She was really awful.

downtide's avatar

I think it’s way past rude and deep into the realms of deliberate malice. If someone treated me that way it would lead to an immediate blazing row followed by never speaking to that person again, ever.

nikipedia's avatar

I was thinking the same thing as @JLeslie, can you address his practical concerns on a practical level? I’m sure you’ve already talked to him about it a lot, it just seems solvable from what you’ve written here.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, I agree with @downtide

I waste no time on fools these days, remember, when someone shows you who they really are believe it!
I’d take the next opportunity to tell this woman, simply…..” I don’t LIKE you, go away.”
Simple, direct and to the point and then, do NOT engage with her at all.

wundayatta's avatar

It’s incredibly rude. Has she generally been a bitch like that in her life? Do you have a good relationship with her, otherwise, or has it been bad in the past? Has there been bad blood between you before?

If you want to get pregnant, I see no reason to let her be a part of the decision. She has no right. You get pregnant on your own timing, and if you happen to feel like doing it sooner now, then there’s really no need to use the condoms, is there? But I wouldn’t get pregnant any sooner than you are planning to.

Also, I wouldn’t worry about karma or revenge or getting back at her. She’s clearly a bitch. I would spend as little time as possible thinking about her from here on out. Ignoring her is the best revenge. With any luck, she’ll never figure out what happened.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie and @nikipedia Yes, I’ve talked with my husband several times, and explained that I understand his concerns but that I still want another child so desperately. Sometimes he remains firm on “uh uh, no way” and sometimes he seems to waver a little bit. Despite the wavering, it doesn’t seem to make a difference whether or not we “talk it out.” He’s too worried about money and getting older, and I’m too worried about my hardcore craving, and getting too old to do anything about it. UGH.

nikipedia's avatar

I can sympathize with your husband’s position. My partner wants a baby so badly and I find the logistical difficulties so terrifying it outweighs any desire I might have. The only thing that has helped me come around on the issue is identifying the specific logistical difficulties and finding solutions to them. Money is a pretty solvable problem; getting older, not so much—but even with that, maybe there are specific things about getting older that you can work to address. Just my outsider’s opinion.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@nikipedia Oh believe me, I know where my hubby is coming from logistically, and if I did accidentally get pregnant, I would be scared shitless for the same reasons he would be. I just have this irrational, emotional demon who says if we get pregnant, money might be tight, but we won’t have to live in a cardboard box; everything will work out. I have not, as of yet, been able to find a way to silence that little demon, no matter how many cons I think of.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I don’t see within your answer where you have offered to help relieve his stress about the money? I am not saying you haven’t done it, I don’t know if you have. Going back to my original suggestion, I think you need to take some of the financial burden off of him if money is realistically tight. I don’t know if you work already? For instance, if you don’t work, maybe get a job for a year and save everything you make. Then you have a little cushion for the baby. It will increase his confidence that you will work several years down the road also. That is if you don’t work. If you already do, my answer is moot.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Oh, and not that anyone would do anything on purpose, but I’m asking those of you here who are facebook friends of mine, to not mention this over there. I am not supposed to be talking about her pregnancy at all yet, and I’d hate for the family to be in an uproar, if something were mentioned about it before she is ready to out herself.

@JLeslie I’m a stay home mom at the moment, and we live fairly comfortably. We don’t have extra money for extravagant vacations or anything, but we’re not destitute. It has been a good situation as long as at least one child was at home all the time, but now that our youngest will be in 1st grade, I’m ready to work somewhere.

There are things that need to be worked around (for the kids’ sake) for me to get a job, but I have been actively looking, recently. Our issues with that are: I don’t want the kids in daycare because it’s a disgusting germ-pot, and it would eat up money that I make at a job anyway, but they have nowhere else to go after school, so I can’t be working a regular 9–5 job. The kiddos also have after-school activities, like gymnastics and such, and I would have to take them to a really late class, then eat a late dinner, then get them in bed really late, if I had a regular 9–5. Also, where the crap would they go during the summer? We don’t want to ship them off to summer camps because we’d never see them, plus it would eat up all the money I make at any job anyway… What I’m looking for is a job with the school district, so that I have the same hours as the kids. If I’m going to work outside the home, we’d like for me to find a job that would add income, but would be the best for the kids.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I completely respect that you want your children to be cared for by you.

Here is a little personal thing about my situation with my husband that I think might, might, apply to yours. I worked full time for years. When my husband and I were first married We made about the same about of money, we were both moving up in our careers. His career began to move ahead much faster at one point, both in position and earnings. Ok, fast forward, about 3 years ago I stopped working completely (we have been married 19 years). Pretty much he now has zero confidence I will go back to work. Sometimes I talk about it, and he gives me a sarcastic, “yeah right,” and I had a serious career in the past as a manager and buyer at a department store, worked on the vendor side for a while for companies like Calvin Klein, and then sold real estate for a few years and made decent money working part-time. I tell this story because if you have never worked full time, or have not in years, possibly your husband has no confidence you ever will, and feels the entire financial burden. My husband feels weighed down by it, and we live well. We have a big house, and more cars than we need, and travel, and have savings socked into the bank every month. I think women often do not understand the gravity of how men feel. Especially good men, who really take their financial responsibility of the family extremely seriously.even when the wife works, still I think those men feel more of a burden.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie I couldn’t agree more about that.

Bellatrix's avatar

@gailcalled is absolutely correct. Cruel and unfeeling. You also can’t be wrong for your feelings. Even if you were overreacting (which I don’t believe you were), that’s how you feel. I am glad you could come here and debrief. I would stay out of that person’s way.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

UPDATE: After having 24 hours to cool off, I had a calm conversation with this woman last night, and very, very gently let her know how much she had hurt me. I chose my words carefully, and put some of the hurt off on my own personal baby baggage, but did request that she not make comments like that anymore.

I also let her know that at times, I may seem disinterested or choose to leave the room while she’s talking about the baby, but for her to not take it personally. I explained that it will depress me and make me cry sometimes, but that I’m not doing it to intentionally maker her feel bad. It went very well, she actually apologized, and promised to not take offense if I avoid happy baby discussions sometimes.

Coloma's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Good job! Very diplomatic, always the best choice, but sometimes….ooooh, sometimes, ya just wanna smack these oafs upside their heads!

augustlan's avatar

Excellent, @WillWorkForChocolate. Very well done.

gailcalled's avatar

Such a relief, I bet, primarily for you but also for us.

Brilliantly done, well said, well handled.

JLeslie's avatar

Yay! I’m so happy it went well. So happy she apologized, was understanding, and you were able to clear the air.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Thank you all for your support on this. After talking with her, then getting a good night’s sleep, I really do feel a lot better. I even tried to push myself to accept the situation and bought her her first baby gift today.

CWOTUS's avatar

A drum kit? Whack-a-mole? Oh, I know… a violin! (A cheap one, of course.)

Bellatrix's avatar

Good for you @WillWorkForChocolate. Beautifully handled.

downtide's avatar

Excellent, @WillWorkForChocolate I’m glad it went well and she apologised.

bookish1's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate : That is very admirable! I’m so glad to hear that you resolved that, and that you are feeling better now. Hugs.

jca's avatar

And hopefully, from now on, this woman will be a little more careful around everyone, not just you, with her hurtful, thoughtless comments…....To me, it’s wonderful that she was apologetic and that you all had a nice make-up convo, but I would still remember what she said and that it seemed intentional, and I would still be somewhat leery of her.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I shall now have to wait and see if I’ll be pissing her off by “stealing her thunder” in a month or so. My hubby did something really, really dumb this morning, LMFAO!

bookish1's avatar

Ruh roh ;)

jca's avatar

Fingers crossed, legs, not!

JLeslie's avatar

I guess he, in his mind, is leaving it up to fate seeing how unhappy you were. What I say is if you are not preventing you are trying.

JLeslie's avatar

Is it the right time in your cycle?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I just love the timing on this “accident.” He couldn’t have picked a better time to screw up.

@JLeslie Actually, he was employing “prevention”, he just spontaneously decided to rip it off and….. well. And yes, perfect timing. I actually called him on Saturday and joked, “I’m ovulating, come home and knock me up.” I can’t decide if he forgot and made a rash decision, or if he subconsciously caved because of my depression. When I figured out what he’d done, I started doing a happy dance, singing, “You just got me pregnant. I’m gonna have a baby!” He actually chuckled instead of saying, “Oh damn, I forgot” so I don’t know…

@Leanne1986 I know! Teeheehee! It’s going to be a long month.

JLeslie's avatar

It all sounds very purposeful to me. Especially considering the events of the last couple of weeks. He is giving you what you want. Just, of course, try not to get too dissappointed if it didn’t take this time. I don’t understand why you said in a month you will know, you will know in two weeks. Or, maybe you just meant if you are prggers you would wait a month to tell. I would wait a little more than that.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie I’m just anticipating a month, because I may not immediately feel “off” and will only figure it out when my cycle is late.

bookish1's avatar

I’ma keep my fingers crossed for you @WillWorkForChocolate .

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Unless you are very irregular you will be late in two weeks. That is if you actually ovulated two days ago, or today. Even people who are irregular tend to get their periods 14 days after ovulation. The ovulation causes the period, not the other way around.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie Endometriosis makes me very irregular, haha. My cycle ended last week, and I usually start ovulating on the third day it’s over. I probably won’t have another cycle for 3 weeks or so, something like that. So it could be anywhere between 3–4 weeks before I know for sure.

And isn’t everyone here happy to know all about my monthly schedule now? :D

bookish1's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate : Totally forgot to say, I hope you steal that bitch’s baby thunder, lmfao.

JLeslie's avatar

@bookish1 She could do it the classy way and say nothing until she starts to show, and in the end say she did not want to tread on the other girls celebration since it is her first. Than she doesn’t sink to her level. Or, not. I can see doing it either way.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie The only problem is that this woman is my husband’s sister. I didn’t want to be too specific on this question at first, as I was trying to respect her wish to keep her pregnancy a secret. She wanted to wait until after her next appointment to make an announcement, but some moron outed her on facebook.

Anyway… she’s here every Friday, and we have a lot of family get togethers, so I’m pretty sure she’d find out quickly, haha.

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate A jelly outed her?

Yeah, well, if you keep it between your husband and you, you might get away with 6 weeks. I always knew when other women were pregnant, sometimes I told them before they had confirmed it for themselves. One coworker my manager and I kept telling her she was pregnant, and she waited until 4 months to finally take a pregnancy test. She just did not want to be pregnant. She hoped it wasn’t true or something, I don’t know. She did have some bleeding during her pregnancy. Another friend, she was talking to me about trying to get pregnant, and I told her, “that makes sense, because I think you are pregnant now. Look at you.” She said they had only been trying a couple of months. Whatever…her boobs were bigger, and her face and hair looked pregnant. She was.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

No, no, no, not a jelly. Someone on her husband’s side of the family blurted it out on facebook.

I guess I could try to keep it a secret for a bit, just to let her get further along and try to spare her feelings… Which means I wouldn’t be able to tell my kids, because they’re little parrots, haha!

And I definitely want to find out ASAP, so I can modify my diet and stop smoking and all that fun, cranky stuff. :D

JLeslie's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Oh good. I hate to think a jelly would do such a thing. I like to think we all keep our user name and real name secrets for each other on facebook. Honor system you know.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Meh, I’m kind of putting the cart before the horse here. I’m just soooo hoping! And I can blame it all on my husband.

bookish1's avatar

@JLeslie: How can hair look pregnant???

JLeslie's avatar

@bookish1 Many pregnant women it begins to grow like crazy and get thicker. It is a sign that coupled with the other signs adds up.

bookish1's avatar

@JLeslie : Gotcha, is that from extra estrogen or progesterone or something?

bookish1's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate : DOH, I’m sorry, I just noticed what you wrote above >_<

JLeslie's avatar

@bookish1 I would guess something to do with the hormones, but I don’t know which one. I have trouble with my thyroid, which affects basically everything in the body including hormones and it greatly affects my hair growth and loss. I know a couple of women who complained they lost a lot of hair a few months after the birth, not sure how common that is?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JLeslie I do that, too (the hair loss). My hair grows like wildfire while I’m pregnant, then about 2–3 months after delivery, I’ll shed handfuls of hair while I’m showering. Usually for about 2 months.

fluthernutter's avatar

That’s going beyond rude.
That’s just cruel.

You’re not being ridiculous at all.
[hugs]

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Houston, we have a negative. Damn. :(

augustlan's avatar

Sorry, girlie. :(

bookish1's avatar

Aw drat :-/

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Thanks y’all. It’s an ugly start to shark week in the Chocolate household, but my hubby is taking good care of me.

nikipedia's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate, give it two weeks and then put on your best lingerie… :)

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

LMFAO! I doubt that would change his mind, but I can always try…

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