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ETpro's avatar

[NSFW] Any creative tips for do-it-yourself adult toys.

Asked by ETpro (34247 points ) July 7th, 2012

Here we are with another weekend to stir the loins. Have you ever made a dildo to use on yourself or a partner? If penetration (self or otherwise) isn’t on your menu, what is? And what sort of toys can pinch-hit (or pinch-hot) when the designated hitter’s on the disabled list? Feel free to be every bit as creative as the real adult toy industry is.

If you have never invented a recipe for something home brewed, what ideas can you cook up? What’s not to love about a hothouse cucumber wearing a condom? Too fat? Take a veggie peeler to it. Too hard? Cook it just a tad. :-)

After the party’s over, you can still chop it up and put it in the salad bowl. And if the kids find a cucumber there’s no embarrassment in that. Isn’t it superior in many ways to an expensive jelly dildo which you’d be mortified to have kids discover?

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29 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

An inverted rubber glove, to sponges and a plastic bottle cut in half, then assemble it into an artificial fanny.

bkcunningham's avatar

You are going to eat a cucumber you’ve used as a dildo? Remind me never eat a salad at your house, @ETpro. A popsicle. Preferable grape.

Ponderer983's avatar

I’ve used a cucumber – wrapped in Saran wrap. And I did throw out the cuke after!

MilkyWay's avatar

I have a feeling people won’t look at you the same anymore @ETpro… what with the cucumber statement and all. Hehe.
I’ve used my hairbrush once… and a carrot, but I threw it away lol!

ragingloli's avatar

if the cucumber was protected by a condom during the act, and is washed and peeled afterwards to get that rubbery taste off, I do not see a real problem in terms of contamination.

jonsblond's avatar

note to self: keep Flutherites away from my garden.

jerv's avatar

All I’m going to say is that DIY takes on a whole new level for a trained machinist ;)

Granted, anything involving gears is a bit of a hassle…

ragingloli's avatar

so you can build a multi-vector-assault fucking machine?

ucme's avatar

I tried having a wank wearing some Hulk Hands, I got a little frustrated & my shirt ripped off.

Michael_Huntington's avatar

It’s been done several time, but whatever
Step one: Acquire watermelon
Step two: Drill a hole in said watermelon
You know the rest.

Agent99's avatar

Electric toothbrush. Good vibrations!

Only138's avatar

@MilkyWay Which end of the hair brush did you use?

ETpro's avatar

@ragingloli I wondered if anyone would come up with something for those who like to deliver penetration more than receive it. Way to go!

@bkcunningham If I would eat what the cucumber has been in, then I’d have no problem eating the cucumber either. YMMV

@Ponderer983 Sad waste of perfectly good food, IMHO.

@MilkyWay You’ve had a hairbrush sticking out of you and you’re worried what people might think of me because I recognized what a cucumber looks like? :-)

@ragingloli Is that what causes so many cucumbers to go rubbery?

@jonsblond And all this time you’ve been blaming the damned rabbits. :-)

@jerv At the risk of prying, why don’t you open a shop? I can see the slogan now: “Jervs Motors: Taking masturbation out of the hands of amateurs.”

@ragingloli The only limerick I have memorized is one along those lines.
“There once was a man from Racine
Who invented a sex machine
It was concave and convex
So it fit either sex
And enjoyed itself in between.”

@ucme Ha! That’s the mutts nuts, mate. At least you had a go at it.

@Michael_Huntington Damned, man—now you tell me. The wife brought a nice watermelon home today and I already sliced that bad boy up and refrigerated it.

@Agent99 Hey, welcome to Fluther. Electric toothbrushes? Is that what was giving the Beach Boys excitations?

@Only138 Write your own rules depending on how much stimulation you need to get ya there. :-)

Only138's avatar

I hate cucumbers. Just sayin’. :)

ETpro's avatar

@Only138 Yeah, well how do you feel about watermelons? Can we really trust the plug was cut just so you could taste-test the fruit?

ZEPHYRA's avatar

This IS a greengrocer’s paradise!

jerv's avatar

@ETpro Simple finances. Figure, just a box of replaceable carbide inserts for one tool can run $20, the tool itself a couple hundred, and the machine can run between a few hundred for a dinky tabletop model not capable of much to $20k for a decent, small standup manual, and CNC multiplies those prices by at least 10; when my employer was looking at 40” horizontal CNC mills, they were getting quotes in the $350–500k range. Even a home shop with a few used manual machines can run into serious money. Then there are other things you need like measuring equipment (my 8” digital calipers were ~$200 on sale). I figure it’d cost me at least $100k to set up a decent shop with all of the machines and measuring equipment.
Still, my buddy and I have thought about setting up a shop to convert vehicles to electric.

Blu's avatar

Glass coke bottle.

ETpro's avatar

@jerv Understood. Look at what all the Artisan’s Asylum over in Somerville (next door to Boston and Cambridge) has for members. They offer classes to show you how to use any of the equipment you can’t qualify for by prior experience. My son lives in Somerville and we’re thinking of joining.

@Blu Where do you get those now? :-)

Blu's avatar

@ETpro at almost every store here in California.

ETpro's avatar

@Blu Really. I don’t recall having seen anything but plastic here. But then I don’t buy soda, so I might walk right past big display cases and be perfectly oblivious to them.

jerv's avatar

@ETpro If you have $1800 and want to learn G-codes (the same language I use to program the CNC mills/lathes at work), you can get a MakerBot Replicator. If you want something cheaper, RepRap can be built for $250. Download and install some of the free CAD/CAM software that they link to, and you can make anything* you want out of plastic with tolerances of +/-0.003”

* = Rule 34 definitely applies!

Response moderated (Spam)
ETpro's avatar

@jerv I’m sticking with web development. I thought you were the entrepreneur who dreamed of building the “multi-vector-assault fucking machine”.

By the way, the Somerville Artisans’ Asylum has a huge CNC controlled maker-bot.

jerv's avatar

@ETpro I’m a builder, not a bureaucrat. I do what I do for the sake of doing it, not to get rich. If I actually cared about getting rich, I would have focused my efforts elsewhere, likely at the expense of not learning/honing some of the skills I have because I had to learn how to run a business instead of learning the proper way to machine 6–4 Titanium quickly on a 50-taper OKK without starting a Class D fire. Some skills are profitable, others are useful. I prefer the latter.

ETpro's avatar

@jerv I am eternally grateful there are still a substantial number of people who feel the same way.

blueiiznh's avatar

get a room

ETpro's avatar

@blueiiznh A room full of tools?

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