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serenityNOW's avatar

Should I ask my pop to bail me out. (See details inside...)?

Asked by serenityNOW (3419 points ) July 12th, 2012

My dream: Go back to school. Get a degree; either Web Development or English. Start my own business and become a published author. I’m not looking for anything lucrative, or fame, or an abundance of material goods. I’m looking at the future – owning a house, a decent car, etc.

My dilemma: I’m stuck working with people I don’t like, and I think the feeling is mutual. I like the job, though it’s hard. I don’t mind hard work. The problem is the pay sucks, the hours are wrecking my life – no time to socialize, rare down time, and all I really do is sleep and go to work. This is not the life I want to live. I’m sad.

So, if my calculations are correct, I’m in the hole about $11,000. (That’s a lot of zeros.). That makes me sad, too.

My quandary: Should I ask my Dad for money? The problem is, I don’t think he has it. He’s retired and only gets Social Security. My mother is the primary bread-winner in the household. I cant ask her flat-out; it’s just not the way my family functions. It’s just saddening; I feel utterly helpless, hopeless and lost. I don’t feel like a 35 year man… I feel like a bratty 20 year old. I know this is a little all-over-the-place. I’m typing at work, in the dark, I’m near tears, trying to suck it up, because if I start to cry right now – I’ve been doing a lot of that recently – I won’t be able to stop. Jellies, advise?

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13 Answers

trailsillustrated's avatar

Ask them. You don’t need to spend your life unhappy, and $11,000 is a sum that is probably attainable. Ask them. They are your parents. They wouldn’t want this for you.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

My heart goes out to you. It’s a bad situation to be in, especially with the job situation.

If I were in your shoes, I would ask my parents for advice. Ask them to help you brainstorm on all of the possible solutions. They may need time to think if over and talk about it between them. If so, let them do it.

In the meantime, look into alternative solutions. When I bought a house, a friend of a friend was looking for a place to live and had a debt about the size of yours. The agreement was he wouldn’t be charged rent and just had to pay the utilities. It worked out well. Eight years later, he was debt free and saved up enough money to put a down payment on his own place.

Start looking for another job before leaving the one you are in. In the meantime, attempt to do your current job to the best of your ability. There is nothing worse than walking away from a job (or relationship) knowing that you didn’t give it your best shot.

Good luck friend, and please keep us posted.

serenityNOW's avatar

@trailsillustrated – Thank you. They “wouldn’t want this for me”. It’s so true. And, if he had the means, I know he’d do it for me instantly.

@Pied_Pfeffer – The thing that’s so frustrating about the job, is there is lack of encouragement, coupled with some very bitter people that have worked here too long. So, despite holding my head up high, I’m still suffering. I’ve been asking myself… “If I didn’t need the money, would I still be working here…?”. And it’s a resounding, no! I’m just emotionally spent. I’ve been scouring web design listings, but I don’t meet the criteria for most of these jobs, but I have the passion – I just need the chops. Thank you!

mazingerz88's avatar

Yes, yes. By all means yes. Just the mere attempt would probably ease your troubled feelings a bit. Be positive but also brace for a possible less than desirable outcome. Also, try not to add to your debt if you could avoid it. That’s a good start. Hang in there. This predicament of yours shall eventually pass. Think of a plan to work on the debt. Write it down. Follow through.

ETpro's avatar

I was going to say what @Pied_Pfeffer said. Sit down with BOTH of them and brainstorm. Cover all the ground you laid out in your question to us. I don’t know your parents, and I have even less idea of their cash reserves than you do, but don’t start from a standpoint of asking for a loan. Ask what to do about the job. Even if they are in no position to fund college, they may have valid ideas. At the very least, having a shoulder to cry on when the current frustrations overwhelm you will be a great help.

Good luck. We’ll be pulling for you.

funkdaddy's avatar

Is it really either/or? You know your situation better than I do (obviously)... but I’ve been in a similar spot in my life.

I decided in 2005 I didn’t like my job or the pay or where I was headed. I wanted to do web design but didn’t have the skills so I got a job waiting tables Thursday-Sunday and built web pages for whoever would pay me Monday – Wednesday. That got me enough sites and “chops” to get my first gig, I learned there and moved on.

It wasn’t ideal, but web design really is something you can teach yourself with enough practice. All the sources are out there and the community is huge and willing to teach. Books are $30, ask someone for recommendations. Just dive in, find your niche, find people who fill the holes in your skills, and build work you believe in.

Again, you know your situation better than I. But if your parents are unwilling or unable to help, don’t quit if you really want something better. Just decide to do it anyway and find a way.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@serenityNOW Lack of encouragement is huge. Out of the top ten reasons people leave their jobs, salary/benefits comes in at #10. Lack of recognition, tools, good management are further up the list. I’ve been in work environments where new management (good managers) is like a ray of sunshine and changes the mindset of some who appear bitter.

Until you find a different environment, learn not to rely on others to give you the recognition you want and deserve. Give it to yourself. When my friends say that they felt like they hit a home run at work, we celebrate, even if I have no clue what they are talking about.

Hang in there friend.

augustlan's avatar

I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time. :(

I like all the advice you’ve been given, and urge you to get a new job as soon as you can. Just being in a better environment, even if it’s not in your future field, will help you feel better and be better able to think about all of this and pursue solutions. Best of luck to you!

ETpro's avatar

@augustlan has a great point. There is nothing saying you can’t put feelers out for a new job now.

serenityNOW's avatar

Hi everyone. I’m feeling a bit less desperate tonight. I’m trying to figure an ideal time to talk about this.
@ETpro – Any particular reason why I should talk to both of them at the same time.
@augustlan – Thank you for your sympathy.
Thanks everyone! (Lurve for all!)

ETpro's avatar

@serenityNOW I’m glad you’re feeling a bit more sanguine.

Why both? Because if either is sympathetic to your plight, their vocal support immediately has an impact on the thinking of the less enthusiastic parent. Everyone’s cards are on the table. And they can work through how to help.

Good luck.

serenityNOW's avatar

@ETpro – I’ve started process a bit. Right now, I’m just asking for their help till I get a new job. I’m thinking, instead of a lump-sum, if they could help me out on a monthly basis. Anyway, some of the cards are on the table, and my perspective is changing due to your answer. Thanks!

ETpro's avatar

@serenityNOW Best of luck. Stick with it no matter what.

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