How do you get a woman to like you? Most women don't seem to be attracted to me.

You don’t, they either do or they don’t, like you that is.
Just stop overthinking this & it’ll just happen, that’s kind of how this shit works.

Welcome to Fluther.

To more or less repeat what @ucme said, you don’t “try” to make this happen, or you guarantee that it won’t. Many women like to do the same things any man would like to do, including hunting, fishing, golf and other outdoor and athletic activities. If you’re doing those things, then you’ll find women who are also interested in doing them. And if you’re likable, available and interested, you’ll find women who will reciprocate your interest.

You’re not interested in those things. Not a problem. What are you interested in? You’ll probably be happier with someone who shares your interests.

First thing, really, is to be good to yourself, make the best of yourself and care about yourself. The rest will follow.

The best people are found when you’re not looking—that’s been very, very true for me.

It might be that you’re seeing us as a group who all want the same things and think the same things, instead of as individuals with a wide range of interests and ideas.

You need to find a girl that is the “type” of girl you are interested in, but not. Maybe the wife or girlfriend of a close friend. (get your friends permission first.) Ask her the same question you asked here. Give her permission to be brutally honest. She might tell you to brush your teeth more or to trim your eyebrows. Get her to go shopping for clothes with you.
From here on the intranet we have no idea what it is that girls find off putting. Finding someone you know and are willing to hear the hard cold facts from is your best bet.

Maybe stop calling yourself nerdyguy? Also, do things you are interested in and see what women there are there to interact with.

@janbb Eh, if you’re looking for a nerdy girl, nerdyguy is a pretty good name.

Most long term relationships start out with becoming friends. With time, girls might begin to like you differently. If you just want to get laid though, I can’t help you.

Maybe lower the bar a little? from what you mention of what you think women like, sounds like you are going after a type of woman that would not have an interest in you? I know men like this, but you are making a good start with asking about it. The men I know like this have no interest in anyone else’s opinion about why they can’‘t find dates.

Think positively. You say most women aren’t attracted to you, that still leaves a lot. You list all the things you are not interested in why not list the things you are interested in? When you do find someone to share your interests she will seem so much more wonderfull than any ordinary woman.

Well, there is more to the world than your interests. If you expect a woman to be interested in you, then you have to have at least a little interest in them and that includes their interests.

You have to be a good listener.

You have to show the capacity to care.

Why would a woman be interested in you if you are immature and totally selfish.

Work on feeling empathy for others. Consider volunteering. You could learn a lot about caring for others more than your self.

Judging by your question… Your lacking a bit of self-confidence… And thats definitly an element most women look for in a man :) also some women will be into you as others wont be… Just keep your eyes opened and trust yourself :)

You’re not interested in NYC or Philly? That could be your problem right there. I met my wife in Philly. I met several lovers in NYC. Both places have been very good to me.

But no, that’s probably not your problem. I still think it’s funny that you think it could be a problem. What about all the women in all the rest of the world outside of NYC and Philly? Do you think they are all pining for someone from one of those cities? I sure don’t think so. I’ve got to ask you: where did you get this idea that those places have anything to do with it? I mean, I’ve heard a lot ideas about how to get women in my life, but that’s the first time I heard that someone thought place mattered—and those two particular places, at that.

Despite my success with relationships (and I say relationships, not women, because that is what I was interested in), I was once in a place where I was wondering what was going on. I was very lonely. I couldn’t imagine any woman wanting to be in a relationship with me.

Looking back, it seems to me that for some of us, it just takes longer. We may take longer to figure out how to relate to women. I know I was scared. Everything seemed to matter so much. I thought if one girl said “no” to me, she’d tell the others, and then no one would want anything to do with me because they’d all know I was a loser. Yes. I really believed that. I thought women had nothing better to do than to warn each other off of me. And if they didn’t do it in words, I was pretty sure they had some extrasensory way of passing on the warning.

As a result, I didn’t call up any girls to ask them out. Which definitely cut down my opportunities. Or rather, it cut down my ability to cast my net wide.

What I ended up doing is not trying to meet women. Instead, I ended up doing things, and in the process of doing those things, I met women. I met my first girlfriend on a caving trip, and I courted her by bouncing pebbles off her helmet deep underground, as we waited for others to clear out of the chimney we were climbing.

She introduced me to two of her friends, who became lovers. Another lover was a friend of my sister’s, who had been in band with me. Then work introduced me to a handful or two of women who became lovers, and finally a dance group introduced me to my wife. I met all these women doing things I loved and just talking to them and talking about things I care about. I suspect they liked the passion I felt about the things I was doing.

I was and am a pretty geeky guy. I was not a smooth womanizer. I had little confidence, but I look back now and I think you probably could say I was pretty successful. But it isn’t just that I’ve had a number of lovers. What is important to me is that I’ve had some pretty serious relationships, and I’ve ended up with a wife and two children and a nice home and I feel very very fortunate. I ended up with a wife who put up with me getting mentally ill and cheating on her (did I mention I met some women online, too?) She was willing to see me through my illness and forgive me for doing what I did, and to come to trust that I love her as she wants to be loved.

My suggestion is that you do what you love. We know what you don’t like, but what do you like? Just do that. You will meet girls in the course of doing what you love, and eventually, you will meet one who likes you, too. Just avoid being creepy. Don’t follow women if they tell you they don’t want you to follow them. Always listen. When they say no, take them seriously. You can push if you want and be assertive, although I’d lay back, if I were you, but as soon as they say no, stop.Otherwise, be yourself. Show your enthusiasms. Don’t worry if you are silly. If they don’t like your enthusiasms, they are not for you. Remember, you may be desperate, but you do yourself no favors by getting a woman pretending to be someone you aren’t.

It’s better to just do the things you love to do and talk about the things you love to talk about and let the chips fall where they may. It may take a while and you will surely get impatient, but eventually, there will be a woman for you. Probably a number of them.

Have fun!

This cannot be taught unfortunately.

Be confident and be yourself. That’s really all that matters.

Quiet confidence, respect, for you and her, and stop thinking of a difference between men and women. Treat them as people first.

@Adirondackwannabe I totally agree that focusing on the division between men and women helps nothing.

@Crashsequence2012 Yeah, we really are both just along for the ride on this planet.

As a woman, I would encourage you to not take it personally. Just like men,women have connections and attractions for someone due to a variety of both conscious and unconscious reasoning. To analyze each persons ’ selection process would be futile due to the complexity of influences shaped by one’s past and present experiences. In order to help you find the woman for you, forget the depreciating labels you’ve imprinted on your character due to painful events that are not in your control. Everyone goes through rejection, take back your control by focusing on you and what you can control through self development and education.

@Jules10 That’s an awesome first answer. Welcome to fluther.

@nerdyguy609: We can all come up with long lists of things that don’t interest us;

how about telling us what you do like to do?

There lot’s of things beside personality that girls like: cars, drugs, sports careers, record deals, anatomical excesses. Plain old fashioned money works too.

@6rant6 I hope that was a joke. I’m just asking cause this is in general.

I would suggest reading dating advice articles, then do the complete opposite of what they say (I’m not joking here). I’ve learnt the hard way that the more effort I put into finding or approaching women, the less success I’ve had.

My luck started to change when I started doing things that interested me, and interested me enough where the women around me seen that I was more into my own thing than pursuing them. All of a sudden I started getting phone numbers handed to me (usually given to me from their friends), compliments, etc. I’m not bad looking either so maybe that helped in my case as well. Either way I was usually personable, so I’m sure that helped me too.

I’m going to spit in the face of the dating ‘experts’ and say be yourself, and embrace this. You can’t fake this though, for it seems that many women can sense when your demeanor and mannerisms are legit or not. Women either like you, or they don’t, and if they do they may not ask you out, but for the most part they will let you know that they like you in some way or another. This will make it easier for you to ask them on a date, and without the likelyhood of rejection.

People have all sorts of interests, including female people. Focus on what you are interested in, and try to join groups or clubs or volunteer efforts that are based on your interests. It’s highly likely there will be women there who are interested in the same things.

Answer 1— confidence that doesn’t go so far that it becomes obnoxious narcissism &
answer 2— some pheremone spray – I watched dr. Drew the other day on tv & he showed some studies abou. Pheremones & how women are attracted to a man’s smell without even knowing it – they had 3 identical triplets & had women in the audience pick the most attractive one & the guy the audience picked had been sprayed with a pheremone cologne prior to the judging. So tho he looked identical to the other 2 he had an advantage with the pheremones. I’d find out what that stuff is & buy some – that combined with mega confidence should do the trick

Well, I’m a young woman and I’m not interested in three quarters of that stuff. You should open your mind a little and try to get out there and experience more things, then you will meet different women. I’m sure you aren’t as unlikeable as you think. Don’t believe every thought you have; they can be very wrong sometimes.

You’ve already gotten really great answers.

It’s hard to tell much about you from the little you wrote, but your tone seems kinda bitter to me, and that attitude seems to be pretty common among guys who have trouble with the ladies. Real often I see it get turned around on women themselves. “Girls only like assholes.” “Girls don’t care about personality, they only like hot guys and rich guys.”

Like I said, I can’t tell if this is your attitude, but I just want to warn you against falling into that trap if you’re headed that way. Because what women DON’T like is when guys tell us we’re too shallow or stupid to make decent decisions about the men we include in our lives.

Women like all different things. Some women like the same things you like and will be excited to share those interests with you. Just keep your eyes and mind open, don’t get bitter, and treat women like human beings you’d like to get to know, not a puzzle you have to solve to gain access to their pants.

@Mariah Agreed. Nice Guys are the worst.

You guys are just plain silly! When will you get it through your pretty little heads that all women are alike and they all want the same one thing??????

Just like men.

;-P

This might not help, and it’s probably not what you want to hear, but the day I stopped worrying so much about getting a relationship and decided to take a largely passive role until I’m at the stage of life where it’d actually be feasible to be in a relationship anyways was the day my stress level dropped about 80%. If you’re in a similar situation to where I was/am, where you probably couldn’t handle a relationship anyways, that may be the right path to take.

At this point I’m basically nonsexual (by decision, not by biology; still attracted to girls, I just don’t even really consider acting on it, largely because I wouldn’t anyways), and loving every minute of it. Makes everyday relationships a lot less awkward for me and has allowed me to focus on my friendships and what matters to me NOW—namely work and school; engineering majors don’t give a ton of free time ;).