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psyonicpanda's avatar

Reconnection with an Ex that ran off. What should I do?

Asked by psyonicpanda (1099 points ) August 5th, 2012

I recently got in contact with my Ex-wife that ran off with our son two years ago. Our son is three now and I want to be in his life but, I know nothing about him. And she acts as if nothing happend or as if she did nothing wrong. I am told that my son now has severe seperation anxiety, but I would like him to be able to come and live with me for a while so that I may get to know my oldest son. How do I deal with Her and get my son to know the father he has missed out on for so long.

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13 Answers

creative1's avatar

I would go to court to have a living and visitation schedule set up, alot of times they will do mediation between the two parents and if they can agree it would all be signed off on. However if you want full joint custody so you can be with him and she doesn’t want it, I would fight for it and go before the judge to have it resolved. I would talk to an attny that does this so you know what the laws are in your area.

psyonicpanda's avatar

That is a course of action that has been contemplated many times but she lives now on the opposite end of the united states.

jca's avatar

You didn’t say how old your son is? Have you seen him at all? What does he say about what happened? Does she tell you what he says about it, if you haven’t spoken to him directly?

psyonicpanda's avatar

@jca My son is three now she had had him for two years, I basically took care of him myself for the first year I bathed him fed him and changed just about every diaper. But he doesnt know me now. He has a little brother and sister now two. (fraternal twins) that will be a year in october and I dont know how he will react to them either. what would be the best thing to do for him?

cookieman's avatar

@creative1 is completely correct. Now, if you want any of that to happen, you’re going to have to move closer to her. Once there, you can file a motion with the court to keep her from moving – then continue on with @creative1s advice.

First and foremost, you need a good family law attorney.

Sadly, without the attorney and (most likely) without moving, you are completely at the whim of the mother as to whether or not you see your child.

psyonicpanda's avatar

Thank you for the information. I believe I have a long…expensive journey a head of me.

jca's avatar

I second what @cprevite said about an attorney and moving closer. It wouldn’t be practical to even go to court, repeatedly, from 3,000 miles away. That would mean, if court were once per month, flying and possibly staying in a hotel, in addition to lawyer’s fees. Not saying it’s not doable, but unless you have a lot of money, it would be cost-prohibitive.

Your son has new siblings from your current relationship?

What does your son’s mother (your ex) say about the possibility of your visiting or him visiting you?

If you really want to do this, can you quit your job and move across the country? Would that be a possibility?

psyonicpanda's avatar

Dropping everything and moveing is not an option. I have family and a good job to consider. not that my son is not important enough is just something that I cannot do right now.

jca's avatar

@psyonicpanda: I understand, as it would be impossible for most people. What does his mom say about you visiting? You didn’t answer that. Would she let him visit you? I can’t imagine a 3 year old would be happy being shipped off to visit a stranger but anything is possible.

marinelife's avatar

I would get an attorney. Ask him or her the best way to proceed.

gailcalled's avatar

Your ex has three more children younger than your son? You have another family and kids who are under three? You and your ex haven’t talked for two years?

You might want to talk to both an attorney and a child psychiatrist about your son and his needs.

There seem to be a lot of people, including young children, involved.

Who told you about the separation anxiety? Was it a clinical diagnosis or just a layman’s speculation?

You and your ex need to talk like adults who have (and will always have) a parental relationship, since there is a child involved. If you can’t do this, there are Masters whom the court will appoint to help you both negociate this. Here’s how this is done in PA, for example. Check out the regs. in the state where your son currently lives.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Do you have a divorce decree? Even if it was common-law ( no marriage ceremony ) you may have to go through a divorce lawyer to get money and property straightened out. They can help with your son and visitation.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

You don’t have to move to reconnect and a three year old is still probably receptive to bonding with you and the younger siblings. See if family court can work out to let you have your son during the summer months and maybe work out alternating holiday visits. Sometimes, having two sets of parents means exposure to more experiences, more sharing.

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