Social Question

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Is there such as thing as bi-curious?

Asked by Mama_Cakes (9320 points ) August 13th, 2012

Have you known someone to be curious, then as it turns out, after some time spent with the same sex, they realize that they’re not bi nor gay?

I had someone approach me with this an hour ago. Someone related to me and he wants to talk to me over coffee. He said that he has a bunch of questions for me.

I want to handle this well. It’s my nephew

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17 Answers

Pandora's avatar

I’ve known it to happen with women. I’ve never known a boy to be bi-curious and actually turn out to be straight.
I did know a boy who was a friend of my daughter. We all thought he was gay. He said he wasn’t but he was sexually open but preferred girls. He even married a girl (who was quite manish ). He divorced a year later, met a guy and is openly gay now living with his partner.

janbb's avatar

Sure there is – it’s also referred to as “questioning.” Many young adults of both sexes experiment before deciding on their sexual orientation.

JLeslie's avatar

Probably yes. I think each person has their own experience with sexuality and whatever is true for them is the truth, is valid. How they label it is up to them in my opinion. I never use the term bi-curious, I usually use bisexual. I guess bi-curious is someone who thinks they are attracted to the same sex, but isn’t sure if it is going to feel right, so they pursue it, and then decide it isn’t for them? I don’t know, I tend more to like the idea of not limiting oneself to a certain sex, and pursuing whomever they find attractive and interesting at the time. Why does it have to be us declaring what gender we are attracted to? Do we declare in the same way we are black curious? Or, Asian curious? I understand because of society today we need to label it. And, I never feel attracted to women in a romantic way, although I find women beautiful, attractive, and feel a bond with women I don’t feel with men. Watching the olympics I could not take my eyes off of some of the women they were so unbelievable, their bodies and grace. I never feel that way about men. So, people can be very straight or very gay I guess, but there is a whole bunch of in-between.

syz's avatar

I don’t think it’s any specific designation, group, or state of being. As janbb says, I think it’s just being sexually experimental.

Pandora's avatar

I was thinking about you question some more. Unless you have actual personal experience in this area the only thing you can offer your nephew is your support in whatever makes him happy. Depending of course on his age, I would be careful not to overstep. His parents need to be made aware if he is underage and thinking of having sex of any kind. You want to be sure he isn’t being manipulated by someone who is an adult.
If he is an adult. All you can do is be supportive. There is no way for anyone to know where this curiosity will take him. After all. He could think he is curious but he may find out himself that he is gay or bi. Either way. He probably doesn’t even really know himself. Some people straight out know, and some are simply frighten at the idea of being different and not being accepted for who they think they are. Let him know he is your nephew and it will not change how you feel about him. (At least I hope that is how you feel.)
Oh, I did forget. My niece was bi curious and today she is happily married with a baby. I hope she made an honest choice for her families sake but I don’t recall anyone really getting in her face about it when we heard she was in a relationship with a girl. In her case we felt she was more attracted to guys but was looking for someone to fill in for her mom. Her mom never showed her any real love or concern. She was always looking for the women in her life to show her love and approval. Her mom was always verbally abusive.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It’s wonderful that he feels comfortable in going to someone he knows to discuss his feelings. It is an honor that he has chosen you.

What the nephew needs is someone to listen to him and not pass judgement. He doesn’t need someone to provide a solution. He has to figure that out for himself. The best thing to do is find out what he really wants and support that. Please let us know how it goes.

JLeslie's avatar

I agree that he probably needs to talk to someone who won’t be judgmental, and he obviously thinks that you. I think @Pied_Pfeffer hit the nail on the head, he needs someone to listen. Maybe he will also want to hear your story, your journey. Wanting to relate to someone in the family who he believes will understand. You can gauge that during the conversation.

bookish1's avatar

Whatever is in humans is natural. Yes, I would say that bi-curiosity exists, just like bisexuality exists gasp. I’ve known men/boys and women/girls to go through a phase of being bi-curious, and then decide that they prefer romantic/sexual partners of one gender or the other. And myself, I’ve been bicurious in both directions, I suppose, LMFAO.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

He is in his early 20’s and has had girlfriends since his early teens. I won’t give out any more info. I don’t feel comfortable putting it out there, if you know what I mean.

He’s a great kid (calls me his “hipster aunt”) and, as my partner said, he has always looked up to me. I invited him over to my place next week to talk. My partner will be there, as she can be rather comical and lighten the mood if need be.

gailcalled's avatar

He has a bunch of questions. You simply answer them to the best of your ability and experience.

In some ways, the actual dialogue is less important than the event itself.

Don’t plan ahead…let it happen.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Thank-you.

zensky's avatar

Yes.

ALOHA – HAWAII JAKE.

;-)

downtide's avatar

I do believe it. I think this kind of curiosity is a natural part of exploring one’s own sexuality and lots of people go through a bi-curious phase, especially in their teens. Some will find they like it and will identify as bi or gay in the future. Others decide that it’s not for them, and return to heterosexuality.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Such a smart kid (when asked if he would like to speak to me sooner. If this was all weighing heavily on his mind):

It’s not weighing too heavily. I’m part of a generation and a mindset that’s totally alright with how I feel, not to mention, I’m definitely attracted to women, in the same sense.
I really just think that bisexuality, in a genuine sense, has lost a bit of credibility, because it’s easy to use as an excuse for being indiscriminate, confused, or wanting to seem different.

fremen_warrior's avatar

There’s a corresponding Southpark episode well worth the watch. Sometimes I think Southpark raised me better then my parents ever could have :D

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I’m 33 and I’m still bi-curious. I’m attracted to women, I’ve kissed women, and I often wonder what being intimate with a woman would be like. I just don’t know if, once faced with a willing naked woman, I would be able to actually do it.

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