Are some corporations bigamists?

Since corporations are people, when more than two merge, shouldn’t they be jailed for bigamy? And what sort of jails do we need to build to hold this new kind of people? Some of them are quite large.

Oh, and how about a President Google, or AT&T for the Senate. It would make our corporations more competitive if they didn’t have to pay so much in bribes lobbying fees to shape the law to boost their profit, legalize their pollution, and get taxpayer subsidies. They could just take over the government posts and do what they need to better themselves using the force of the law. Isn’t it great that we finally know they are people?

And now that we know that corporations are people, let’s get on with giving them equal rights, and treating them like we care about their feelings. The next time you run into Kmart on the street, try to cheer her up. Say something nice to her. She’s depressed because when they have those blue-light specials she has to stay open really late and let so many people into her. In the interest of equality, let’s start being kind to the minority of people who are corporations. They have been an oppressed minority for way too long, haven’t they?