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imgr8's avatar

Why do I have to worry so much?

Asked by imgr8 (422 points ) August 23rd, 2012

I am always over thinking and worrying about everything. If my boyfriend talks a little differently or doesn’t answer my texts, I think that he is mad and wants to break up with me. He constantly tells me how much I mean to him and that he doesn’t know what he would do without me, yet I’m always worried that he’s lying or has an ulterior motive. I keep starting fights when he’s not doing anything wrong and he’s always telling me I need to stop worrying so much but I can’t, its driving us apart.
I worry about really dumb things, for example; next week I am working across town all day so theoretically I could go to his house after and sleep over, but then I would have to catch a bus to work from his house early and I don’t want to shower there. If I don’t see him I will miss him terribly… Now I can recognize how dumb it is to worry about something so small, but I can’t help it.
Or in September when school starts, we can’t have sleepovers on school nights… What if I work on the weekend?
I feel like I have made him too important but there’s not much I can do about it now because both of us feel like we need each other.
I want to be with him constantly but I don’t want to seem clingy or for him to get tired of me and I have a seriously unhealthy obsession with the idea of him leaving me, like I panic every time I think about it.. As you can see I have a lot of irrational fears, and I havent found myself able to talk to a therapist about it without withholding things or flat out lying, I am making myself sick how do I just chill?!

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9 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

No one can choose for you. You continue to lie, behave irrationally, worry and make yourself sick or you decide to face your demons head-on.

Why would you pay a therapist and then either withhold things or lie?

Your description of your life is so fraught with danger, confusion and self-destructive behavior that I can think of nothing else to say.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Welcome to Fluther!

Does this description sound at all like some of your feelings?

Deliberative
You are careful. You are vigilant. You are a private person. You know that the world is an unpredictable place. Everything may seem in order, but beneath the surface you sense the many risks. Rather than denying these risks, you draw each one out into the open. Then each risk can be identified, assessed, and ultimately reduced. Thus, you are a fairly serious person who approaches life with a certain reserve. For example, you like to plan ahead so as to anticipate what might go wrong. You select your friends cautiously and keep your own counsel when the conversation turns to personal matters. You are careful not to give too much praise and recognition, lest it be misconstrued. If some people don’t like you because you are not as effusive as others, then so be it. For you, life is not a popularity contest. Life is something of a minefield. Others can run through it recklessly if they so choose, but you take a different approach. You identify the dangers, weigh their relative impact, and then place your feet deliberately. You walk with care. Source

imgr8's avatar

@gailcalled thanks for your answer, let me clarify that I am not seeing a therapist for that reason. I haven’t been able to find one that I feel comfortable opening up to.

imgr8's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer that sounds similar to how i feel, yes. I tend to make a lot of my decisions based on what could happen rather than what is happening. I also have a bad habit of thinking ‘If this happened when I did this, It will happen every time’ I am definitely over cautious to the point where I miss out on life because I’m so worried about what might go wrong.

gailcalled's avatar

@imgr8: Finding no one who suits you may, perhaps, be just another excuse for remaining in this slough of despair you find yourself in.

You are articulate in reiterating your problems.Should you now be brave enough to try and find a solution.

Sunny2's avatar

Recognizing that something is wrong with the way you are thinking is the first step in changing. That’s where a therapist or counselor can help. Otherwise you may get stuck with the problem. Please look into it. You’re right that t has to be someone you can trust. It may take you a while to trust anyone. Try a couple sessions with someone who makes you feel that this person may be possible.

Shippy's avatar

All the worry you feel, seems to center around your boyfriend? You seem very anxious about it? I’m not really sure what can help except for him to reassure you. Have you been together long? Trust does take time, maybe your anxiety will settle a bit. Maybe someone important in your life let you down, so you feel afraid to let go, which would be a normal response.

wundayatta's avatar

I think you should see a psychiatrist. You may have a brain chemistry imbalance. They can give you medicines that will help you think about your life in a less anxiety-ridden way.

ucme's avatar

That’s just it you see, you don’t have to, for you are an individual & being so, are capable of growth & change, which is nice.

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