Social Question

6rant6's avatar

Which of these is most in evidence in your daily life?

Asked by 6rant6 (13604 points ) August 24th, 2012

I’m asking you to rank the following attributes according to which is most in evidence in your day-to-day life. That is, if there were a fly on the wall, which of these things would that fly see you do most.

I appreciate that you may have values that do not show up in this experiment. You may have an inviolable rule that just doesn’t come up that often and so gets demoted in your list.

Courtesy
Kindness
Winning
Avoiding
Controlling
Affection

Does your list make you happy about the way you are, the way you live?

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17 Answers

deni's avatar

Affection
Kindness
Courtesy
Avoiding
Winning
Controlling

I don’t think about “winning” much unless I’m actually competing in something which is rare, and I try to stay positive and focus on good things. I do avoid confrontation and potentially sticky or negative situations so I guess that’s why Avoiding is where it is.

Coloma's avatar

Courteous and friendly/kind, is my basic personality orientation. I could care less about winning/controlling anything or anybody. I can procrastinate at times but am not an avoident personality either. I like to solve problems in a timely fashion. I am very affectionate with animals, my daughter and her boyfriend and those in my close inner circle, but, as a female I am rather unusual in the sense that I am not overly emotive or sentimental. Logic and reason trump sloppy emoting for me.

I do not do well with overly sensitive, emotional and irrational women.

BBawlight's avatar

5. Courtesy
2. Kindness
3. Winning
1. Avoiding
6. Controlling
4. Affection

I’m a person that avoids other people and enjoys being alone. I’m not very affectionate or controlling because I don’t care for those things. Courtesy isn’t very high on my list because I like to be the best out of everyone, therefore I like to get things done. I’m kind, though.

bookish1's avatar

1. Avoiding
2. Kindness
3. Controlling
4. Affection
5. Courtesy
6. Winning

I definitely have an avoidant personality, because I am an introvert, perfectionist AND pessimist, I suppose. Making this list definitely made me think about that directly! I want to improve this aspect of my personality. I try to be kind as much as possible, that is one of my most important values, but it loses to avoidance sometimes. As for controlling, if I didn’t know how to control myself, I wouldn’t be self sufficient and independent right now. Affection is very important to me, but the amount of it I show on a daily basis varies greatly. Courtesy is very important to me as well, but sometimes I fail because of being avoidant/overwhelmed. Finally, although I have had some successes already, I never feel like a winner, haha :-p

6rant6's avatar

Like a lot of people, I could say I’m a kind person, and that I don’t place much value on winning, but if I imagined the fly on the wall in a typical, uneventful day, I’m not sure how I’d appear. Just typing here on Fluther, I think it would be easy to see me as pursuing winning and being controlling – if the fly could read, of course.

I think I’m going to try to do more of the things that I value without waiting for them to come up naturally, and not resort to taking solace in my belief that “at heart, I am a nice person.”

MilkyWay's avatar

…Courtesy
...Avoiding
...Winning
...Affection
...Kindness
...Controlling

I am a very courteous person, and I often avoid situations where I have to express my feelings for something/someone…
I’m competetive so I like winning and often do.
I don’t class my self as an affectionate person, but I do love to spend time with my baby sister, so I class that as being affectionate.
I am not a particularly kind person… but I am most definitely not a mean one either. Just very down to earth.
And I am not a controlling person at all. I hate dominating and manipulative behaviour and I try my best to avoid such people whenever I can.

6rant6's avatar

I imagine the fly on the wall might see a lot of behavior as controlling – telling the dog where to go, making the kids do their homework, ordering things online for people to send to us. We don’t have to feel angry or see someone else as victim to be exerting control, do we? We can be “particular” about our environment. It might make us feel good, and do no harm to anyone else, but I wonder what the fly thinks.

MilkyWay's avatar

@6rant6 Good point, but in my life, I don’t usually tell people what to do either. I don’t have kids, or a dog, and I don’t shop online haha!

6rant6's avatar

@MilkyWay Garden, hold the remote, keep all your receipts, research before you do, wear sunscreen?

MilkyWay's avatar

@6rant6 Lol! I laughed at the remote! :D
How is researching controlling? I didn’t mean it in the literal sense of the word… In that case every person would be controlling as they control whatever they do every day…
Sure, I’m in control of my life, but I don’t control other people’s.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Affection
Courtesy
Kindness
Controlling
Winning
Avoiding

6rant6's avatar

@MilkyWay I didn’t say controlling other people, but I can see how you might have assumed that.

I’m trying to think like the fly. Imagine you spent all your time checking to see that your laundry was folded well or that the gravel in your front yard was raked in straight rows. If you spent none of your time showing affection or kindness, etc. it might appear to the fly that you expend more of your life on control than on those other things.

“Controlling” in the sense that I am using it is fairly neutral from a human perspective. But to the extent that it displaces or just outweighs the other kinds of activities, it reflects on choices you may be making unconsciously. That’s kind of what I’m trying to get at.

DaphneT's avatar

Avoiding
Controlling
Courtesy
Kindness
Affection
Winning

My list makes me sad. The way I live is chosen but is so from duty, so I don’t have a lot of choice in it right now. I do what needs to be done but not more and tiredness pushes much aside.

JLeslie's avatar

4 Courtesy
2 Kindness
6 Winning
3 Avoiding
5 Controlling
1 Affection

That was very difficult for me to rank.

CWOTUS's avatar

Courtesy – I work in a professional office with professional and generally easy-going people. We deal with each other courteously, and because we work all around the world with people from all sorts of other cultures, we have to practice courtesy to avoid unnecessary flaps and upset.

Affection – We also have a certain affection for each other, which generally shows up in how we work together cooperatively.

Controlling – Depending on how the word is meant, even the boss doesn’t hold us on a tight rein. He lets us know where we have to be, what our objectives are, and lets us find our own way there as long as we act within broad policy parameters. But we have to always be conscious of those parameters (and sometimes write them, too).

Avoiding – I work like hell to avoid overseas travel.

Kindness – We’re solicitous of each others’ minor failings and shortcomings, and try to help out where some of our strengths can make up for someone else’s failings, and vice versa.

Winning – We tend not to crow about it, but our organization, with far fewer workers and much looser rules has been outperforming our European (company headquarters) groups for years and years. We know it, but we don’t try to rub their faces in it.

You’ll notice that all of my examples were business / work related. Since I live alone, I don’t get to practice a lot of interrelationship stuff with family members any more on a daily basis.

King_Pariah's avatar

2. Courtesy: My job requires it.
2. Kindness: My job requries it.
4. Winning: Whatev
1. Avoiding: I don’t want people in my day to day life to know me. I do this around the clock
4. Controlling: Whatev
3. Affection: I am not sure if I’m affectionate, sometimes I think it’s just kindness but once in a while, I might be affectionate.

yankeetooter's avatar

Kindness
Avoiding
Controlling
Courtesy
Affection
Winning

This list really made me think, and I had to try hard to be honest with myself. Kindness is definitely first, as it is something I really appreciate when directed towards me, (and so try to demonstrate myself). I would have liked to say courtesy next, but avoiding has to be second. I don’t like conflict, I don’t like losing my temper, etc., so that I am more likely to take the “flight” option. I don’t try to control others, per se…but I don’t want most people getting in my “personal space” (whether physical or otherwise), except for a select few. I am pretty territorial with most people, although I recognize that is probably not a good thing.

Courtesy is next; I do fairly well with that most of the time. Affection is something I crave myself, and because I don’t often receive it, I am very shy about extending it towards others, as I worry they will not welcome it from me. Winning? I don’t know…maybe that should have been higher. I can be competitive, but mainly I just want to be left alone with my peace and quiet. There you go…portrait of a hurting, somewhat anti-social person…sigh!

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