Social Question

AskZilla's avatar

How do I build a circle of friends that aren't into drugs and alcohol?

Asked by AskZilla (95 points ) September 3rd, 2012

Call me narrow minded, but I find substance abuse behavior repugnant. And it’s difficult to find people without these vices.

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9 Answers

Pandora's avatar

Get into geeks. Most are not into drinking or drugs. They usually don’t find it great to ruin their brains.

creative1's avatar

Find a sporting or activity you like and make friends who enjoy doing the same things.

My daughter was born addicted and talking to her peditrician about how to avoid her trying them when she gets older she recommended letting her find a sport/s she likes and it will help keep her away from those who do drugs. So we started with gymnastics at 18mths which she loves and she is going to try soccer next now that she is 4. I hope when she is older she will pick something she likes and have no want to try drugs which she has a higher chance of getting addicted again even if she tries is just once.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m not sure what to tell you. Where do you find the people you hang out with now?

There is no sure guarantee about people who do or don’t use. I could tell you to hang out with smart folks in the debate society or on the chess club, but I’ve known smart people who are into drugs.

I could tell you to hang out with athletes, but I’ve known plenty of athletes who like pot, even those who get tested.

You could be in the ROTC, but that’s no guarantee, either.

I think the only thing you can do is to take people on an individual basis. If they do drugs, drop them and find someone else. Keep looking until you find people who share your values. I’m sure they are out there and they shouldn’t be that hard to find. You just have to be clear that as soon as someone does drugs around you, you are out of there.

Aethelflaed's avatar

It’s not really that hard to find people who don’t abuse substances, unless you’re defining abuse as partaking at all. Maybe try some activities where there isn’t alcohol served, like a book club.

FutureMemory's avatar

Church-going people are often dry.

Keep_on_running's avatar

I don’t really think you can build it, unless you’re a complete control freak.

CWOTUS's avatar

First determine what your boundaries are.

For example, having a cocktail or two before dinner, or having a couple of glasses at wine during dinner, even every day, doesn’t seem to me like “alcohol abuse”. Does that seem like “abuse” behavior to you? If so, then your standards are tighter than most of the American population. It’s not impossible to find friends who share your standards, but it will be more difficult in some parts of the country.

Likewise, firing up a doobie, which is technically illegal in most of the US, hardly rises to the level of “drug abuse” to me, but maybe I’m rationalizing because I was at a party yesterday where some of the party-goers were doing that. (I definitely want to steer clear of the guy who was trying to sell the stuff – even to people he didn’t even know! – but knowing that someone smokes a joint on the weekend doesn’t bother me. I just don’t do it myself.)

I had two bottles of “hard lemonade” in the afternoon and nothing else to drink, and stayed away from the smoke. Does that make me “part of the abuse crowd”?

You want to know very clearly what your boundaries are so that you don’t have to make case-by-case judgments. Set the line and then monitor it.

The other thing is that you can’t monitor what people are going to do in their lives away from you. It’s no trick at all to host parties where there is “no smoking; no drinking; no drugs”, and (if you can throw a good party, which isn’t so difficult, really) have good parties. But that doesn’t mean that those people won’t also attend other parties where the behavior is a lot different. You can’t control that.

Pazza's avatar

Become a mormon…...
Or a Jehovah’s witnes…...

Alternatively, you could move out of the Betty Ford Centre.

Seriously tho, do you really mean substance abuse, or just social drugs use?
If you mean drugs abuse, I just think you need to be more choosey about the places you choose to hang out.
If you just mean social drugs use, then I can only suggest you find some hobbies, eg join a cycling club, or running or some form of martial arts, these sorts of groups of people tend to be more disciplined, and drink and smoke less to nothing because it lowers their performance. The ones that aren’t to competitive I feel will probably be of a more encouraging nature aswell.

EDIT: Also, I wouldn’t say narrow minded, your probably less tolerant than the average person.

zenvelo's avatar

One of the things I noticed when I got sober is that most people don’t drink more than one or two at an event. There will of course be a couple that take the opportunity to drink more, but they are a loud and visible minority; more rational people are not as visible.

So join groups that interest you or do things you like, and then be selective with whom you hang out.

If you are looking for absolutely abstinent people, you’ll need to find people in recovery or who just don’t drink. Consider being around groups that have to do with kids, and be involved in things like scouts, where no alcohol is allowed at sanctioned events.

(If you are in recovery, hang out with people from an AA group.)

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