Social Question

sabine's avatar

If you were just told your ex had a miscariage when you wanted an abortion the whole pregnancy, how would you (honestly) feel?

Asked by sabine (88 points ) September 4th, 2012

That’s it really
I want your thoughts and oppinions, no matter how harsh

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

16 Answers

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Do you mean you wanted the pregnancy terminated but your ex wanted to keep it?

I’d feel bad for my ex because miscarriage is physical traumatic, just as an abortion but I’d feel relief for my own wishes.

sabine's avatar

No, i was pregnant and I’m really devestated about the miscarriage, but I don’t want to tell my ex what happened if he’s going to be jumping for joy

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

My heart goes out to you. None-the-less, if the ex knows that you were pregnant with his child, then he deserves the right to know of its status. If need be, send the message through a mutual and trust-worthy friend that knows or another source, like a private message.

chyna's avatar

I hope the ex has the good graces to keep any joy to himself. And perhaps you have underestimated him, maybe he will express his condolences and wish you well.

janbb's avatar

I suspect he will feel a mix of emotions if he’s like most of us. But as has been suggested above, if you are afraid of not getting a supportive response, maybe let him know through a friend.

wundayatta's avatar

You can shield yourself from his reaction. Send him an email stating that you had a miscarriage. If you wish, you could say you are telling him as a courtesy, and you do not wish a reply of any kind.

I think you are right that he will feel happy about the miscarriage, since he did not want the child. But he might have the sense to commiserate with you, or he might not. You can predict better than any of the rest of us. But you do, I believe, owe him the news, and within the week. You do not have to look at anything he has to say in reply, and you don’t have to take his calls or read his letters and if he should show up at the house, you don’t have to let him in.

YARNLADY's avatar

^^What he said^^

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@sabine I’m so sorry you lost the baby. I didn’t want kids when I was your age. But after holding and feeding them and watching them grow I know how much love they can bring. He may feel relieved he isn’t going to be responsible for supporting a baby, but if he isn’‘t a little sad I’d be surprised. He was probably freaked out at first. But I’ve been amazed at how fathers feel when they see the baby. He deserves the news. Don’t be surprised if he isn’t a little bummed.

Blackberry's avatar

Well, yeah I would be relieved, but like Wundayatta stated, you don’t have to see his reaction.

poisonedantidote's avatar

It depends what the guy is like.

Personally, I would be happy for myself that I don’t have to be a father to a kid I never wanted. I would then feel some shame that I reacted thinking about myself first, and I would then feel sorry that someone I liked enough to poke may now have problems in future when she wants to have a kid with someone else. Then I would get over it and keep celebrating, with the occasional niggle of shame.

tedd's avatar

If your X has a soul he will still feel bad and will be there for you. Even wanting to end the pregnancy, I can’t imagine he would’ve wanted it to end like that.

Shippy's avatar

I would send him an email, and also add it was a sad and painful experience, emotionally. One can’t say how he will react, but at least you have explained how it affected you.

sabine's avatar

Well, I told him and he said “I have nothing to say to you” and hung up
not even a sorry, you had to miscarry on your own or anything

janbb's avatar

@sabine That must have been painful! Good thing you are rid of him. Now turn to your girlfriends or family for some hugs and comfort.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Sabine, I am so, so sorry that you had to go through all of this. Just know that you did the right thing by telling him. I suspect that, one day, this guy will grow up and feel remorse on how he handled the whole situation.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@sabine I’m so so sorry. When you needed support the most, he bailed. That shows his true colors. But it doesn’t help you. Turn to friends or family, don’t go it alone. Best wishes to you.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther